Ryker (Steele Brothers #1) Page 12

  I was secretly glad Martha had been taking care of Ryker in my absence. I knew how much he missed his mom, and while he was close with mine, it would have been awkward for him to call her up and ask her for help. “Maybe you should think about asking Martha to shop for you too.”

  “Na, I don’t eat at home all that much anyhow.”

  “Oh.” I sat up and looked at him. “You eat out a lot?” He’d only been on one date that I knew of, but now he had me curious. “Who do you go out with?”

  He shrugged. “Depends, usually my brothers or the guys from work.”

  “Usually?”

  He laughed before poking me in the ribs. “If you’re asking me whether I take other women out, the answer is no.”

  Satisfied, I settled back in his arms.

  “I had fun with you tonight.”

  I smiled, linking my hands with his. “You had fun jogging around the track? You sure have a strange idea of fun.” I was teasing him, but I’d enjoyed every moment we spent together.

  “Just being with you is enough, Mac.” He kissed my neck, setting off a firestorm of sparks, even though it had been little more than the scraping of his stubble against my skin.

  “Hmmm.” I didn’t even realize I’d reacted until I curled my arm around his neck and brought his head closer.

  “You like that?” he asked, flicking his tongue over my throbbing pulse. “More?”

  God, I couldn’t get enough of him. It seemed like forever since we’d last made love and even though we’d agreed to take it slow, I didn’t know if I could keep that promise.

  I tipped my head back, inviting his kiss. It quickly turned heated, and before I knew it, we were tearing at each other’s clothes.

  “Mac, wait,” he said, grabbing my shoulders. “God, you know how much I want you. But I don’t want you to have any regrets. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  I framed his gorgeous face with my hands, admiring the dark sweep of long lashes against his tanned cheek. “Do you realize you said the exact same thing to me almost twenty years ago?” I loved that he’d been looking out for me then and was still looking out for me now.

  “Old habits die hard, I guess.” He groaned when I crawled into his lap, pressing my bottom against his erection.

  “I want you,” I whispered, feeling the shudder rip through him as my hand moved over his chest to his hard abs. “I need you, Ryker.” I’d always needed him, but for long, agonizing months, I’d convinced myself he didn’t need me anymore. That hurt—my ego, my pride, but mostly my heart.

  He grabbed me around the waist, making sure my legs were securely fastened around him before he carried me to his bedroom. His tongue sparred with mine, both of us feeling desperate and greedy.

  Like throwing a match on gas, the spark had been quick to ignite and every swipe of his tongue stoked it, making it burn brighter and hotter, more intense, until I could barely breathe.

  He tossed me down on the bed, his bright blue eyes eating me up, inch by inch. We’d left the lights on, something I never would have been able to do twenty-five pounds ago, and I was grateful I would be able to watch the effect I had on him. The tent in his navy boxer briefs made it obvious, but it was the intensity burning in his eyes that had me captivated.

  It reminded me of how hungry he’d been for me all those years ago when we first started dating. He wrestled with his baser instincts then, trying to be a gentleman, to take it slow because he wanted to prove he respected me, that I was different than all of the other girls he’d been with.

  But I wasn’t a girl anymore. I was a woman. Experienced at pleasing my man. And while it may have been a while, I hadn’t forgotten what turned Ryker on.

  I popped the front clasp on my fuchsia lace bra and watched him lick his lips as my breasts popped free. I ran my hands over the smooth mounds, swirling my thumbs around the taut peaks as his breath came quicker. He didn’t try to get closer. With his knee propped between my open legs, he seemed content to watch me… for now.

  With a lusty growl, he tore the string fastening my thong. “Touch yourself. Let me watch you.”

  A delicious lick of heat chased its way up my spine. This was the Ryker I remembered. Hot. Sexy. Always ready to show me a good time. I did as he asked, watching with fascination as he peeled his boxers off, proving, without a doubt, how much he wanted me.

  Since he’d had a vasectomy after Cole was born, we hadn’t used condoms in years, and I’d never been more grateful than I was now. I didn’t want anything between us tonight.

  “You’ve never looked more beautiful.”

  His words shocked and delighted me. He’d seen me with a twenty-year-old’s body before I’d had his babies. The fact he thought I was still beautiful, even more beautiful than I’d been then, made me feel alive again, like the best years of my life were ahead of me, not behind me, as I’d feared when he left.

  “Show me how much you want this,” he murmured, his voice deep and husky. “I want to see how much you want me.”

  I let my legs fall open unabashedly, giving him what he wanted. It was obvious how turned on I was from the cadence of my hand to the muskiness hovering in the air to the rapid rise and fall of my chest as I fought for breath.

  He pushed my hands away when I was on the verge of free falling, and I couldn’t stifle the whimper of frustration that slipped past my lips.

  “If you’re coming apart tonight, I want to know I’m the reason. I need to know you still need me as much as I need you.”

  He had no idea how much I needed him. I had no idea how much I still needed him, until tonight. When everything became crystal clear. This man was so much more than my husband and the father of my children. He was the only man I’d ever loved. My best friend. My soul mate. The man who makes me stronger, more independent, braver, and just… happier.

  It felt like Ryker’s tongue was on fire as he licked me, blowing on me intermittently to cool the blaze before the flash of arousal at his probing set me up again. My hands were above my head as I gave myself over to him completely. I didn’t feel the need to direct or control his actions because this was Ryker, and no one knew how to please a woman better than he did.

  My legs were trembling, but his firm hands on the insides of my thighs gave me nowhere to go, nowhere to hide as he feasted on me like he’d been waiting for this moment forever. Or maybe it just seemed like forever. I know it did for me. Every day without him in our bed felt longer than the last.

  I moaned softly with every brush of his tongue, trying to rotate my hips and feeling the frustration build as he pinned me to the mattress. I knew he was trying to draw it out, to prolong the pleasure and build the intensity, but I didn’t know how much more I could take.

  Finally, he let me go, taking me to a violent climax that had streaks of light bursting behind my closed eyes as my heart hammered in my chest. I felt the sheen of sweat on my skin as he crawled up my body like a hunter, creeping slowly, soundlessly. That’s when I realized what he had in store for me; tonight would be like nothing else we’d shared. I saw the warning glint in his eyes, letting me know he intended to make up for lost time and I’d forfeited my right to object with that orgasm.

  His hands closed around my wrists, pinning me to the bed. “You’re mine.” His eyes were darker, more dangerous than they’d ever been before. “Mine.”

  A streak of heat coiled through me at his possessive words. I wanted to be his. I was desperate for him to claim me all over again.

  “Say it.”

  “I’m yours,” I whispered as his hard shaft teased my entrance.

  He thrust his hips forward just enough to make me whimper. I was still sensitive, yet I wanted more. “This gorgeous body is all mine.”

  I wasn’t surprised he felt the need to reinforce his entitlement as my husband. Ryker had always been jealous and possessive, but he was never irrational. He wasn’t the kind of guy to beat the hell out of someone for looking at his wife. Hitting on me, maybe. Touchi
ng me inappropriately? Definitely.

  He drove into me without warning, like a man possessed, and it sent me right to the edge again. I was shifting, trying to rise to meet his powerful thrusts, but there was no doubt he was in control and had no intention of relenting. The sensual onslaught was exhilarating, reminding me what it felt like to be alive, to be so consumed by someone that they were the only thing that mattered.

  I was scaling that crest again, frantic to reach it before he did. If my hands had been free, I would have helped it along, but I should have known Ryker would take matters into his own hands. He read my body the way others read minds, knowing what I needed even before I did.

  Sliding his thumb through my slickness with just enough pressure, he seemed mesmerized by my reaction. “You’re so goddamn sexy. I could watch you all night.”

  “Oh, Ryker…”

  My moan, or maybe the sound of his name on my lips, a desperate plea, set him off, but the teasing subsided as he became more focused.

  He reminded me of his expertise all over again when we erupted in unison, our eyes locked, while the other’s name fell from our lips.

  Feeling the hot gush of his arousal flood me reminded me of all the times before when we’d tried to get pregnant and prayed this would be the time. It made me wonder if he’d ever regretted his decision to have the vasectomy, especially after we separated.

  His heart was beating hard and fast when he pulled me close, whispering in my ear, “I love you so much, baby.”

  I smiled against his damp neck, feeling happier than I had in years. “I love you too.”

  He finally rolled off of me, lying flat on his back with one arm covering his eyes while he caught his breath. “I must be getting old. Or maybe I’m just out of practice.” When I didn’t respond, he moved his arm and rolled onto his side. His face was stern when he said, “I know that look. Don’t you dare tell me you regret what just happened.”

  “No.” I smiled as I stroked his damp chest. “Not at all. It was amazing. I was just thinking about when we were trying to get pregnant with Zane.”

  He brushed my side-swept bangs off my forehead, frowning. “Why were you thinking about that now?”

  I couldn’t meet his eyes when I said this. I was too afraid of what I would find there. “I was the one who suggested you have the vasectomy after Cole was born…”

  “Yeah, because we both hated condoms and I didn’t want you to go back on the pill because of the side effects. So?”

  “I just wondered if you’ve ever regretted that. Having the vasectomy, I mean.”

  He was silent for so long I had to steal a glance at him. “Maybe I have a time or two.”

  I felt the weight of his words crush me. “Oh,” I said, rolling away from him.

  “Hey,” he said, curling up against me. “Why does that upset you?”

  I swallowed, willing myself not to cry. “It makes sense. I mean, you could have met someone younger and wanted to start another family.”

  “What?” He rolled me over, hovering over me. “You thought I was having second thoughts because I wanted to start another family with someone else?”

  I shrugged, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. “It might have crossed your mind after you moved out.”

  “That never crossed my mind,” he said firmly as he grabbed my face and turned me toward him. “I had second thoughts about it when the boys were still young. I thought maybe we should have tried for a third child.” He smirked. “A girl might have been nice.”

  I laughed before slapping his back lightly. “You? With a daughter? Are you kidding me? You would have been that dad cleaning his gun on the front porch every time a guy came to pick his little girl up for a date.”

  He chuckled. “You’re probably right about that.” Lying down and pulling me close, his leg covered mine, making me feel safe and protected. “No, I think things worked out the way they were supposed to. Having the boys when we were young, only a year separating them, means we’ll be able to do all the things we always talked about doing when they go off to college.”

  I loved that Ryker was thinking about our future. I was too. But I didn’t want to make the mistake of rushing a reconciliation before we were ready.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ryker

  I felt her whole body tense when I mentioned the future, which pissed me off after what we just shared. I was ready to move back into our home, share our bed, and be her husband in every way. As far as I was concerned, we’d already wasted six months. I didn’t want to waste another minute living apart when all I wanted was for us to be together.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to mask my annoyance.

  “Nothing.” She turned her head, smiling. “I just want to stick to the plan, take things slow.”

  “I think we passed slow half an hour ago.”

  “You’re upset,” she said, rolling to her back.

  “Hell yeah, I’m upset.” I was really trying to rein in my temper, but when everything I wanted was staring up at me with those big blue eyes, intent on taking it all away, it wasn’t easy to play it cool. “What we just shared meant something to me. I thought it meant something to you too.”

  “It did. How can you think it didn’t?”

  I closed my eyes on a deep breath, warning myself not to say or do something I might regret. “I just don’t understand what more you want from me. I’ve been everything I thought you wanted. I’ve been attentive, supportive, made an effort to spend more time with you—”

  “I didn’t realize spending time with me was such an effort,” she said, sitting up as she clutched the taupe duvet around her.

  “That’s not what I meant. I love spending time with you, but come on, give me a break. You know this stuff isn’t easy for me, Mac. I don’t go for that mushy romantic shit. I’m a…” I could tell by the poison spewing from her eyes, I was only making this worse, so I decided to shut my mouth while I was still ahead. At least I hoped I was still ahead. I didn’t know anymore.

  “Don’t stop now,” she said, jumping out of bed like it was on fire. “You’re a what? A guy, Ryker?” My guilty expression must have given her a hint that she’d nailed it. “So all this was just an act to get me back? Then what? Things go back to the way they were? You ignoring me and taking me for granted?”

  I growled in frustration. “No! What the hell, Mac?”

  “That’s what I want to know,” she said, slipping her arms into her bra and refastening it. She looked at her torn panties in disgust before tossing them in a wastebasket by the bed. “What the hell was all this? I thought you’d changed. But you’re still the same selfish—”

  “Don’t,” I warned, jumping up and grabbing her arms. I was kneeling on the bed, holding her prisoner in front of me. She might think she had me all figured out, but she was dead wrong. “Losing you did change me. It damn near destroyed me. And here I thought what happened between us tonight meant I had you back. Now you’re telling me you’re just messin’ with me?”

  She shoved me hard, breaking free. “Messing with you? That’s what you think this is? Just go to hell, Ryker!”

  She ran down the hall in search of her dress while I grabbed my robe from the back of my door, intent on chasing after her. I’d follow her all the way outside if I had to, and I didn’t want the neighbors calling the cops and accusing me of indecent exposure.

  “You’re not leaving until we sort this out,” I said, standing in front of the oak entrance door. I knew I was being ridiculous. I couldn’t hold her here against her will, but I was feeling desperate. I knew if she left, the chances of her coming back to me were slim.

  I watched her slip her dress over her head, grab her purse, and slip her feet into her sandals before reaching into her purse for her car keys. “Get out of my way. Now!”

  I was so screwed. If I let her go, I’d lost her. If I didn’t let her go, I’d lost her. “Please, Mac,” I said, reaching for her hand. “Let’s just talk this out, figu
re out where we go from here.”

  “I know where we go from here.” She slipped her wedding rings off, and I felt like I was going to throw up. “It’s over, Ryker. Thinking we could work things out was a huge mistake.”

  “Are you insane?” I held my hands palms up when she tried to give me the rings. “You can’t do this!”

  “Yes, I can.” She sighed, looking suddenly tired and defeated. “This was a mistake. We had a cordial relationship before. We were doing a good job co-parenting our kids. Now we just made everything worse. We’re angry and hostile and—”

  “We had a fight,” I said, trying to wrap my hand around her wrist, but she pulled back. “It happens, Mackenzie. Even happy couples fight. We’ll talk. We’ll figure out—”

  “You don’t get it, do you?” she asked, spreading her hands. “I still love you.” A tear glided down her cheek, followed by another. “You were my first love, my only love, the father of my children, but you scare the hell out of me, Ryker.”

  “I scare you?” Ouch. Another punch in the gut. I knew I could be intimidating, menacing even, but I’d never laid my hands on her in anger.

  “What I feel for you scares me. It was so easy for me to fall back into your arms and pretend everything was fine, because more than anything, I wanted it to be. I wanted to believe you’d changed, that I’d changed, and we were somehow better for each other now. That we wouldn’t have the same problems we had before, but what you said tonight opened my eyes. Things haven’t changed. They’ll never change. You are who you are. I am who I am. And we’re just… not right for each other anymore.”

  “How can you say that?” I whispered, fighting back my own tears. I was losing the only woman who’d ever given my life meaning, and this time, unlike the first time, it felt permanent. “The way we make each other feel, Mac. That is so right. Nothing has ever felt more right.”