Darius (Starkis Family #5) Page 14

“I feel the same way.”

  I believed him. That was what made this so hard. If I doubted his sincerity, even for a second, I would have an excuse for not pursuing a relationship with him, but I didn’t. “But now I have to figure out where to go from here. I said I didn’t want a relationship because I was scared.”

  “I know.”

  The brevity of his responses was making me nervous. I wanted to hear what he was thinking and feeling, but I knew he was holding back so I could spill my guts first. “I’m still scared.”

  “So am I.”

  “But now I’m almost more afraid of letting you go. Not seeing or talking to you again would be hard.” A lot harder than I was willing to admit.

  “I agree.”

  I pursed my lips, torn between annoyance and confusion. Was he purposely keeping me on edge because he was disappointed in me for bailing on him earlier? “With you, I’m obviously rewriting the rule book as we go because all the rules that applied to my life before just… don’t anymore.”

  He chuckled. “Okay.”

  “That’s all you’re going to say?”

  “What more can I say? You’re telling me you want to figure this out as we go, and I’m okay with that.”

  I didn’t know if I should be grateful or disappointed or relieved, but I was a mixture of all of those things with a dash of despondent thrown in. “Will you be okay with it even if we keep seeing each other and our relationship doesn’t progress the way you want it to?”

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  Was he really going to make me spell it out? Was this some kind of test to challenge my courage? “Well, most people our age date because they expect the relationship will end with a marriage proposal or children, right?”

  “I don’t know that I’d agree with that.”

  “You wouldn’t?”

  “I’ve dated plenty of girls without the expectation that I’d marry any of them.”

  “Oh.” Now I was embarrassed. He didn’t see this relationship going anywhere. He was out to have a good time, and when it was over, it was over. “I just thought—”

  “That I wanted what my cousins and sister have found? Yeah, I know that’s the way I made it seem, but I started thinking about it after you left. I also had a long talk with Cat and realized I’m being ridiculous by talking to you about this kind of thing now, so early in the relationship. It’s putting way too much pressure on both of us.”

  I should have been relieved. He was giving me an out, a reprieve, so why wasn’t I happy? “I guess you’re right.”

  “So from now on, let’s agree to no more talk about the future. We’ll just enjoy this one day at a time for as long as it lasts. If either one of us decides it’s time to end it, or gets a better offer, we split, no hard feelings. How does that sound?”

  It should have sounded like an ideal proposal, but it tasted like biting into sour candy when I’d been expecting a sweet one. “Gets a better offer…?”

  He laughed. “That was probably a poor choice of words, but you know what I mean.”

  Yeah, I knew exactly what he meant. If he met some gorgeous socialite at a fancy fundraiser, I was history. “I’m glad we talked, Darius. I think I’m pretty clear on where we stand now.”

  “Hey, you’re not mad, are you?”

  “No, of course not. Why would I be mad?” Just because I’m falling in love with you and thought you might be feeling the same way about me?

  “I don’t know. Just the tone of your voice—”

  “I’m fine, just tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Yeah, sure. Sweet dreams, Chels.”

  Wicked nightmares was more like it.

  ***

  Darius

  “I thought I heard your phone,” Catia said, walking into the family room while clutching a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. “Was it Chelsea?” she asked, plopping down on the armchair across from me.

  “Yeah.” I stared at my cell phone as the pit in my stomach started to feel more like a crater. I’d said everything I thought she wanted to hear, but she hadn’t reacted the way I expected her to.

  “And?”

  “I think telling her I had no expectations of her or the relationship may have been a mistake.” I groaned, tipping my head back against the couch as I closed my eyes. “What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep screwing this up?”

  “You didn’t say that in those words, did you?” Catia asked, licking ice cream off her spoon.

  “You were the one who told me to tell her that!”

  “I didn’t suggest you tell her you had no expectations. No woman wants to hear that.”

  I didn’t know why I was taking relationship advice from a woman who changed boyfriends the way other girls changed earrings. “I should never have listened to you. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. If you did, you’d be out with a great guy who’s crazy about you instead of sitting here with your brother, scarfing down ice cream.”

  She glared at me. “Don’t make this about me. And don’t blame me if you can’t communicate with women!”

  “Can’t communicate with women?” I demanded, trying to hold my temper. “We were doing just fine until—”

  “Don’t delude yourself,” she said, rolling her eyes. “If you were doing such a great job expressing how much you wanted her, Chelsea wouldn’t have left.”

  “She was afraid of getting in too deep. Like someone else I know.” I should have taken some satisfaction in wiping that smug smile off her face, but I didn’t. She was still my sister, and I loved her. Even when she was being a pain in the ass. “What is it with you women? I thought it was guys who had a reputation for being afraid of commitment.”

  “Maybe guys like you are the reason nice girls like us are afraid of commitment,” she said, scooping another giant spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

  Ouch, that hurt, and she was crazy to think I’d let her get away with it. “Are you telling me some jerk broke your heart and that’s why you’re not willing to give Chase a chance?” I laughed, but it sounded more like a snarl. “Give me a break.”

  “How the hell would you know?” she demanded, setting the tub of ice cream on the table.

  “I’m your brother, remember? You’ve been a man-eater as long as I’ve known you.” I almost felt guilty when the spark of anger went out in her eyes. I was used to my sister having a feisty response. If she didn’t, it could only mean one thing: she was hurt.

  “Maybe there’s a reason. Did you ever think of that? You all think I’m such a horrible person, but did it ever occur to you there might be a reason I’m trying to protect myself?” she asked, crossing her arms.

  I glanced at the container of melting ice cream. It was going to make a mess, but my sister’s pain mattered more than a sticky ring on the furniture. “Are you saying some douche did a number on you and you didn’t tell me about it?” If she had, I would have hunted him down and made him pay.

  “It was my first year of college,” she said, pulling her legs up and resting her chin on her knees. “He was a senior.”

  I frowned, thinking about the age difference. When I was a college senior, I wouldn’t have had any interest in an inexperienced freshman. “What did he do to you?”

  “I fell hard and fast.” She lowered her head, resting her forehead on her knees. “I wanted to be with him every minute. I thought he wanted the same thing.”

  “Go on.” I couldn’t believe I was hearing this story for the first time. It had happened a long time ago, but hearing about someone hurting Cat enough to create a lasting impression made me want to hurt him. Cat and I were close. I’d always thought she could tell me anything.

  “You know sex was a big deal for me when I was younger.”

  “Yeah…?” I raised an eyebrow. The last thing I wanted was to hear about my sister’s sex life. It was bad enough I knew she’d had a one-night stand with Chase. Unlike me, the girls had always talked about waiting for the p
erfect guy, the perfect moment, to lose their virginity. I knew Kara had waited for Dustin, but I’d never considered who had been Cat’s first or when it had happened.

  “I even thought about waiting for marriage, like Mom and Dad always told us to, but I was in college. Everyone was partying and having sex. I felt like a loser, still being a virgin.”

  “Not a good reason to do it.” If memory served, I’d been about sixteen and lost my virginity in the backseat of my old man’s car, so I wasn’t one to pass judgment.

  “I know that now. Believe me, if I’d known what an ass Kyle was, I never would have slept with him.” She looked at me wide-eyed. “It’s not like it’s something you can get back. Once it’s done, it’s done. And sometimes all you’re left with is regrets.”

  “Did he pressure you into it?” I asked, curling my hand into a fist as I leaned forward. “Because if he forced himself on you, Cat, I don’t care where the hell he is, whether he’s married with a couple of kids by now, I’ll find him and beat his ass.”

  Her lips tipped up as she shook her head. “No, I wanted to be with him. At least I thought I did. He told me he loved me. He said he’d never felt about anyone the way he felt about me.”

  I knew this story wouldn’t end well, but I didn’t know what to say to make it any better. Even after so much time, it clearly still pained her to talk about it.

  “I walked into his dorm room one night and found him banging his ex. Apparently he’d been seeing her behind my back the whole time. Told me she was the one he wanted, not me, and the only reason he’d hooked up with me was because he was hoping to get a job with Dad’s company when he graduated.”

  “Jesus,” I said, swiping a hand over my face. “I’m sorry, sis.”

  “That’s when I realized who and what I was.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I was a Starkis. That meant men looked at me and saw dollar signs.”

  It killed me to hear her talk about herself like that, but I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know what she was talking about. I usually believed women saw the same thing when they looked at me. “Not all men. You’re beautiful. You’re smart and funny and—”

  “Spare me,” she said, raising her hand. “We both know none of those qualities matter as much as my big fat trust fund.” She closed her eyes, tipping her head back against the couch cushion. “Do you ever think about changing your name and moving to some foreign country where no one has ever seen your picture?”

  “Can’t say that I do.” It concerned me that she’d thought about that. I didn’t want to see Catia run away from her family or the people who loved her. “Hun, you just have to choose the right guy. So this Kyle guy was a loser. Doesn’t mean all guys are like that.”

  “I know.” A tear glided down her cheek, and she brushed it away. “But do you know how rare it is to meet someone whose eyes don’t light up when you tell them your last name is Starkis?”

  “I hear ya. I experience the same thing all the time.”

  “How do you handle it?” she asked, sighing.

  “I’ve gotten pretty good at reading the signs. If they suggest a five-star restaurant on a first date because they know I can afford it, that raises a warning flag. If they suggest a trip for their birthday or point out all the things they like in a jewelry store window as we walk by, I know that’s not the girl for me.”

  “What about Chelsea?” she asked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

  I smiled as I thought about how far removed Chelsea was from the picture I’d just painted. “She’s happy with takeout and a movie.” I gestured around the small living room. “She fell in love with this little cottage just the way it is.”

  “She’s right,” Catia said, looking around. “This place is great. If you don’t want it, maybe I’ll buy it.”

  As much as I’d have loved to have Cat in the Hamptons more often, I didn’t think I could give up this place now that I knew how much Chelsea liked it. “You wanna hear something funny?”

  She smiled. “Sure, I could use a good laugh.”

  “You know how Chelsea and her roommate live above that comedy club I bought, right?”

  “Yeah, you mentioned something about that when we talked on the phone.”

  “Well, when Chase started the reno, the girls had no place to stay. So I moved them into my apartment in the city. Uncle Demi is putting me up in his hotel.”

  “Why not just put the girls up in a hotel?” Catia asked.

  “I knew they couldn’t afford it, and Chelsea refused to accept ‘charity,’” I said, making air quotes around the word. “So get this—she wants to pay me rent. The same rent she was paying to live in that old dump. I told her I didn’t want to take her money, but she sent me a check with a note telling me she’d move out if I refused to cash it. Can you believe that?”

  A slow smile spread across Catia’s face. “Whatever you have to do to make things right with that girl, do it. She is definitely a keeper.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chelsea

  I was just heading out to the library on Monday morning when someone knocked on the door. Since it was a secure building, I assumed Daphne had forgotten her key again.

  I pulled the door open, grinning. “You really need—” The words died on my lips when I saw Darius’s sister, Catia. “Oh, hi. Sorry, I thought you were my roommate.”

  She glanced at my purse, which was slung over my shoulder. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  “I was just on my way to the library,” I said, stepping back for her to enter. “But that can wait. Come in.”

  “The library?” she asked, looking amused.

  “I know it’s hopelessly old-fashioned, checking books out of the library, but I love reading, and I just can’t justify the cost of…” I let my words trail off when I realized she could probably buy a whole bookstore chain if she chose to. “Anyway, I wouldn’t have anywhere to put them even if I did buy them. Our apartment is pretty tiny.”

  “Speaking of apartments, my brother mentioned you were staying here. I hope you don’t mind me stopping by like this.”

  “No, not at all. Did Darius ask you to pick something up for him?” After the way we’d left things, I wasn’t sure he would want to see me anytime soon. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to see him.

  “No, I came to talk to you, if that’s okay?” Catia set her huge designer purse on a living room chair. “My brother doesn’t know I’m here, and I’d like to keep it that way, if you don’t mind.”

  I didn’t relish the idea of keeping secrets from anyone, but I assumed Catia had a good reason for wanting to keep our conversation private. “Can I get you something to drink or—”

  “No, thanks, I’m fine.” She smiled. “Could we sit down though? This may take a while.”

  “Okay.” I couldn’t imagine we had anything in common, aside from Darius, but if she wanted to talk, I was willing to listen. Sitting on the sofa while she claimed the chair, I asked, “Are you on your way back to Chicago today?” I wasn’t all that curious about her plans, but I figured small talk was a good place to start.

  “Yeah, I have a flight in a few hours.” She grinned. “My father likes me to use his plane, but I prefer to fly commercial just to piss him off.” Giggling, she said, “If I really want to get to him, I tell him I flew coach.”

  I smiled, thinking of her sophisticated father flying coach. I couldn’t picture it. Mr. Starkis, like his brother, struck me as blueblood, though I knew neither man had been born with a silver spoon.

  “I was hoping I could talk to you about my brother,” Catia said. “I know your relationship with him is none of my business, but I feel like I may have given him some bad advice.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I was the one who suggested he tell you that he didn’t have any expectations of you or your relationship.” She winced. “I didn’t tell him to say that exactly, but I have a feeling that’s the way it came out when he talked to y
ou.”

  “Something like that.” I felt marginally better knowing Catia had planted the seed in Darius’s mind, but he’d been the one to let it take root, so he had to believe it had some validity.

  “I got the sense he was putting too much pressure on you.” She smiled. “Believe me, I know what that’s like. It doesn’t feel good, does it?”

  I didn’t feel Darius had been pressuring me. I would have preferred to wait a while before meeting his family, but I wasn’t sorry we’d been intimate. “This is all still new to me, Catia. I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships, and your brother is… well, not like anyone I’ve ever met. So I guess I’m still trying to figure him out.”

  “I can understand that.” She crossed her legs, resting her manicured hand on the knee of her chic black pants. “But I know Darius better than just about anyone, and I can tell you he has a heart of gold. When he really cares about someone, he would do anything for them. And he cares about you. That much is obvious.”

  “I appreciate that, but—”

  She held up her hand. “Please, just hear me out. I know it may be difficult for you to trust people. It is for me. But sometimes trying to be strong, caring for ourselves, gets tiring. It’s nice to have someone to lean on. I have my family. Do you have anyone?”

  Her tone was kind and gentle, prompting me to nod. “My roommate is like a sister to me. And the people I work with at the comedy club have always been like family. My neighbor, Maria, she’s like a surrogate grandmother to Daphne and me.”

  “I’m glad you have people you can count on.” Catia surprised me by leaning forward and reaching for my hand. “But you have Darius now too, and I’m here to tell you that man would go to the mat for you.”

  Hearing his sister make a claim like that made my heart swell. I already knew Darius was protective of the people he loved. That much was obvious from the way he interacted with his family. He wouldn’t let his mother carry heavy platters, and as soon as he’d found out Kara was pregnant, he was constantly re-filling her water glass so she didn’t get dehydrated.