Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) Page 16

  Without answering, he asked, “Can we talk for a minute?”

  “Uh, sure.” I stepped back, already fearing the worst. I knew Gabe well enough to read his moods by now and he seemed nothing like the sexy and playful lover who couldn’t keep his hands off me just a few short days ago.

  Gabe followed me into the living room, but continued standing when I invited him to sit.

  “Look, Kendra, this isn’t easy for me. You know how much I care about you.”

  I lowered my chin to my chest, thinking how stupid I was to have let me guard down again. “You care about me? A few days ago you were telling me how much you loved me.”

  “I know.” He brushed a hand through his hair, tugging slightly on the short strands. “I know. I remember every word I said to you, believe me.”

  “But you regret saying them now.” That was the only logical explanation for the wall he’d clearly built around himself again. “You’ve had time to think and decided it’s just too much to get involved with a woman who has so much baggage, right?” My voice shook and I could see the torment in his eyes when he finally turned to face me. “I get it, okay. I get that I’m not easy to love right now, but why didn’t you just leave me the hell alone after you ended it the first time? Why come after me and make me believe we could have a future together?” That’s what hurt the most, the fact that he’d given me false hope.

  “I was acting on instinct,” he admitted, clearing his throat. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I panicked when I thought about losing your friendship.”

  “You didn’t want to lose my friendship?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. None of this made any sense. “You could have called to apologize if that’s all you were worried about. You didn’t have to chase me down. You didn’t have to get me back into bed and claim you love me—”

  “I do love you.” His hands were on his hips, his eyes downcast when he said, “You’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, Kendra. It’s killing me to hurt you like this, but—”

  “Better now than later?” I asked, through gritted teeth. “How noble of you not to string me along for a year or two before letting me know I’m just not the woman for you.” I swiped at the tears streaking my face, furious with myself for giving in to them in front of him.

  “This isn’t easy for me,” he said, swallowing repeatedly. “In fact, it’s just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

  “Is this because of the things Char said to you?” I asked, pulling my thick hair off my face with shaky hands when it fell forward. “Because I can understand you being upset about that, but you have to understand that she’s just a kid, Gabe. Every kid wants their parents back together again. You can’t take it personally.”

  “This isn’t about Char. This is about… us.”

  He looked me in the eye and I could swear for a split second I saw a glimpse of the man I’d shared that hotel room with, the one who made love to me like he’d never get enough of me.

  “Tell me the real reason you’re doing this.” Because my gut told me there was something he wasn’t telling me.

  “You need to focus on your daughter now. Put your own life back together and maybe someday there’ll be room for a man, a relationship, but not now.”

  “Don’t you think I should be the one to decide when I’m ready?” I wasn’t buying the crap he was trying to sell me, but I knew I couldn’t force him to tell me the real motive behind his actions.

  “You have to believe me when I tell you I’m doing this because I honestly believe it’s the best thing for you and your daughter.”

  “What if I said you were the best thing for me?” My voice was barely above a whisper when I added, “God, Gabe, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me and Char. So, why are you doing this to us?”

  He closed his eyes before turning to face the window. “Some people are cut out for this relationship thing, but unfortunately, I’m not one of them.”

  “You’re lying.” I could hear it in the words he wasn’t saying, could see it in his body language. “Why are you lying to me?”

  He braced his hands on the window frame, dropping his head. “Why the hell are you making this so hard? Why can’t you just take what I say at face value?”

  “Because I spent too many years being lied to by a man who claimed to love me. I won’t do that again.”

  He turned around slowly, his blue eyes flashing with irritation. “Don’t ever compare me to him again. Everything I’ve done is because I love you. Everything he’s done is because he loves himself. The narcissistic bastard.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kendra

  I groaned when I heard Lizzie’s cheerful voice downstairs the next morning, announcing that she had fresh-baked muffins to share. She’d obviously let herself in, assuming I was in the shower after I failed to answer when she rang the bell.

  In truth, I’d pulled the covers over my head and hoped whoever was on the other side of my door would go away. No such luck.

  “I’ll be right there,” I called out, muttering a curse when I stubbed my toe on the edge of the bed, reaching for my bathrobe.

  “I’ll put the coffee on,” she called back. “Take your time.”

  I knew had it not been for Lizzie’s visit, I would have been content to stay in bed all day, wallowing. But maybe a little girl talk was exactly what I needed. I’d spent hours trying to make sense of Gabe’s kiss-off speech before I went to bed, to no avail. Maybe she could help me figure him out.

  I used the washroom, splashing some water on my face as I looked at my red-rimmed eyes in the mirror. “Pull yourself together, girl,” I whispered. “You swore you’d never let another man hurt you the way Jason did...” But Gabe’s rejection hurt even more than Jason’s infidelity because I’d allowed myself to believe he was a better man, someone I could trust.

  “Whoa,” Lizzie teased, holding her hands up when she saw me. “What the hell happened to you? Did you go on a bender last night?”

  Leaning in the doorframe of the kitchen, my arms crossed, I forced the words past my dry lips. “Gabe broke up with me.”

  Lizzie gaped at me before putting the mugs down on the table with a satisfying thunk. “I’m gonna have to kill him now. You do realize that, don’t you?”

  I tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob instead.

  Lizzie crossed the small room, taking me in her arms as I cried, letting out all my frustration and confusion.

  “What’s wrong with me, Liz? Why the hell am I so stupid when it comes to men? Why do I keep picking the losers who only want to use me?” Even as I made the statement, it didn’t ring true. Gabe wasn’t a loser, and even though he’d slayed me, I didn’t believe he’d intended to. Or maybe I was just making excuses for him because admitting the truth would mean acknowledging that I’d put my trust in the wrong man again.

  Lizzie brushed my matted hair out of my face, wiping my tears with her thumbs. “You don’t really believe that, do you?” When I shrugged, she said, “I know Gabe. He’s nothing like Jason. For him to do something like this, he must have a good reason.”

  “I wish I knew what it was,” I muttered, shuffling toward the table.

  Lizzie buttered one of her homemade blueberry muffins and set it in front of me, along with a cup of coffee, before she sat down next to me. “Tell me what happened. Maybe you misunderstood or—”

  “There was no misunderstanding,” I said, breaking off a piece of the muffin, only because I knew my friend had worked hard to make them for me. “His meaning was loud and clear. He doesn’t want to be with me.”

  “You told me about Char’s little talk with him,” Liz said, adding natural sweetener to her coffee. “Do you think that had something to do with his decision?”

  “He said it didn’t.”

  “What excuse did he give you?” she asked, the confusion knitting her brows together.

  “Just that my life is complicated right now and I need to take some time to fig
ure things out before I’ll be ready for a relationship.”

  “That is such bullshit,” Lizzie said, clenching her small hands on the tabletop. “You know exactly what you want: him and a divorce from your deadbeat ex, in that order. You couldn’t have been any clearer from you’ve told me.”

  “I don’t get it,” I said, bringing the coffee mug to my lips, hoping the caffeine would make me feel human again. “We were getting so close. Why would he pull the rug out from under me like that?” I swallowed the tears as I shook my head, refusing to let them fall. “He told me he loves me and wants to be with me. What could have happened to change his mind?”

  “I wish I knew,” Lizzie said, leaning forward to rub my back. “I won’t deny men can be fickle, but I always thought Gabe was reliable and trustworthy. If I’d thought for even a second that he could hurt you like this again, I never would have told him where to find you.”

  “Don’t blame yourself,” I said, forcing a smile. “This is all on me. I let him back in when I should have known better. I mean, God, how many times do I have to get burnt before I learn to stay away from the fire?”

  “You can’t lose hope,” Lizzie said, her voice sympathetic. “Just because a couple of guys disappointed you doesn’t mean—”

  “Don’t,” I whispered, looking her in the eye. “Please don’t tell me there’s someone out there who’ll treat me right. I can’t afford to believe that anymore.” I took a deep breath, flattening my palms on the table. “From now on, I’m going to focus on the things that really matter: my daughter, my career, my friends, and family. That’s it. That’s more than enough to make me happy.”

  Lizzie didn’t look convinced, but she was too good of a friend to call me out when I was too defenseless to fight back. “Have you decided whether you’re going to apply for that job you mentioned in the maternity ward?” she asked, obviously trying to change the subject.

  “First thing Monday morning.” I felt I had a good shot at it, given my diverse professional background, education, and references. “I’ll polish my resume over the weekend.”

  “Good for you. Do you need any help with that? My sister has the kids today. I was going to meet Mike for lunch, but I can call him and cancel if you need me.”

  I loved that I had friends who were willing to drop everything for me, but I needed to be alone to lick my wounds in private today. “Thanks, but you go on ahead. I’ll be fine.” As we ate in silence for a few minutes, I asked, “How’re things going with Mike?”

  She circled the rim of her coffee mug, a smile teasing her lips as she lifted a shoulder. “I don’t want to talk to you about my relationship when you’re miserable because of—”

  “Don’t you dare hold out on me,” I warned. “I could use some good news today.”

  “He’s great,” she said, setting her chin in her upturned palm. “I mean, I knew he was a great guy, but I had no idea he’d be such an amazing boyfriend.” She sounded giddy as she said, “Flowers for no reason, special dinners, sweet texts when we’re apart…” She bit her lip. “He’s almost too good to be true. That’s what scares me.”

  I wanted to tell her not to be so guarded, but given my situation, I was the last one to dole out that kind of advice. “I hope everything works out for you, hon.” Curling my hand around hers, I said, “Seriously, no one deserves it more.”

  “Except maybe you.” She moved my hair so it settled over my shoulder, looking like a worried parent who was nursing their teen through their first heartbreak. “I guess it’s not going to be easy living next door to him, huh?”

  “Uh, no.” The fear of seeing him every time I stepped out my front door was reason enough to move. But I wasn’t going to run. I’d done nothing wrong, except maybe trust the wrong man.

  “But you’re not going to look for a new place, are you?” Lizzie asked, looking alarmed. “’Cause that will really suck. I love having my best friend right next door.”

  I smiled, grateful that she’d busted in on me and forced me out of my exile. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  ***

  Gabe

  I was camping out on my couch, pissed off at the world, when I heard a few knocks followed by Seb’s voice coming from the foyer.

  “In here,” I muttered when Poncho stopped barking at our guest.

  Seb stood in the doorway, bending to pet the puppy. “I guess I don’t have to ask how things went with Kendra. You look like hell.”

  I’d been up half the night, trying to figure out how I was supposed to go on living next door to the woman I loved and couldn’t have without losing my mind.

  “I feel like hell.” I tipped my head back, closing my eyes. “Last time I felt like this was when Mom died.” I could hear Seb moving farther into the room with an excited Poncho scampering across the hardwood. “I never thought I’d feel like this again, man.”

  “That’s what falling in love is, Gabe. Taking a risk. Sometimes you feel like you’re ten feet tall. Other times you feel like getting scraped off the pavement.”

  I opened one eye to look at him. “Yeah, well, it sucks.”

  “Sure it does, when you feel like this. But think about all the other times when you were with her and thought life couldn’t get any better. Didn’t that make the pain worth it?”

  Did it? I wasn’t sure. If I’d known things were going to go down like this, I wasn’t sure I’d have been courageous enough to tell Kendra how I felt. “I made a mess of everything,” I said, pressing my thumb and forefinger into my eyes. “She hates me.”

  “I’m sure she does, right now. But that doesn’t mean she’ll go on hating you forever. The truth will come out eventually. Then she’ll realize her ex was the dirtbag and you were only trying to protect her and Char.”

  My brother wasn’t an eternal optimist until he met and fell in love with his fiancée, Skylar. I wasn’t sure he’d had a bad day since then. Lucky bastard.

  “I doubt she’ll ever find out the truth.” I didn’t believe Jason was stupid enough to try to blackmail Kendra with the video and photos. He just wanted to use them to drive an irreparable rift between us. And he’d succeeded.

  “You think I did the right thing?” I asked as Poncho jumped up on the couch beside me, looking for love.

  “I’m not sure that you had a choice,” Seb said, lacing his hands between his knees. “There’s no question those pics could ruin Kendra if they got out. You love the girl. There was no way you could have put her through that.”

  “If I did the right thing, how come I feel so shitty?” Poncho dropped his head in my lap with a heavy sigh, as though he could feel my pain.

  “No one ever said doing the right thing has to make you feel good.” With a half-smile, Seb said, “And sometimes doing the right thing for someone else is the wrong thing for you.”

  “I don’t know if I can stay here,” I said, looking around the house that had been my labor of love for the last several years.

  “I don’t blame you,” Seb said, picking up Poncho’s favorite chew toy and tossing it to the dog, who pounced on it. “Maybe finding a new project house would be good for you. It’d help take your mind off things for a while.”

  I couldn’t imagine a time when I’d be able to think about Kendra without feeling the sharp pang of regret, but a healthy distraction might be good for me. “Maybe I’ll call my realtor later today, see if she’s got anything worth looking at.”

  “My neighbor’s selling,” Seb said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “His wife died a few years back and he’s really let things go. But a fixer-upper’s right up your alley and the price is right.” Seb flashed the phone, showing me a pic of the house posted on a real estate website. “What do you think?”

  I took his phone, swiping my finger across the screen as I looked at a dozen pictures of the house and property. “Needs some T.L.C.,” I said, sneering. “Come on. It looks like it needs a bulldozer.”

  “It’s not that bad,” Seb said, chuckling. �
��Come on, let’s take Poncho for a ride. We’ll call Ted on the way. He’s always home and I’m sure he won’t mind if you have a look around. Hell, he’d probably be thrilled if we could work out a private sale. He’d save the commission.”

  ***

  I couldn’t believe two hours later I was sealing the deal with a handshake. I hadn’t even sold my house yet, but I wasn’t worried about that. Newly renovated homes usually sold within days in my sought-after neighborhood.

  “I just called Sky,” Seb said, clapping me on the back. “We’re going to get everyone together for a barbeque at our place. To celebrate.”

  I couldn’t help but think of the last family barbeque I’d attended with Kendra. “I’m not sure I’m up for that today, Seb.”

  “What else are you going to do?” he asked, scooping Poncho up as we made our way down the long gravel drive. “Go home and feel sorry for yourself? You need to be with your family now.”

  Maybe he was right. Sitting at home alone, pretending I wasn’t looking out the window every five minutes, wasn’t healthy.

  As soon as we pulled into Seb’s drive, Skylar came out, slipping her arms around her fiancé’s waist and planting a kiss on his lips. “I missed you,” she said, smiling up at him. “And before you tell me you weren’t gone long, it was still long enough for me to miss you.”

  I was happy my brothers had found love, but seeing the evidence of it when I was feeling so low was hard. “How are you?” I asked when Skylar gave me a hug.

  “I should be asking you that.” She slipped my sunglasses up on my head, peering up at me like a worried mother. “Forget it, I can see for myself. You look like you haven’t slept a wink.”

  “Sounds about right.” I wrapped my arm around her neck, guiding her in to the house. “Did Seb tell you we’re going to be neighbors?”

  “Yeah.” She looped her thumb through the belt-loop of my jeans. “I’d say I’m surprised, but how many houses have you bought on a whim after a drive-by?”