Dirty Mind (Nashville Outlaws #2) Page 17

  “The guys in my life,” she said, looking at me, “made me miserable because I let them. I’m not proud to admit it, but I gave them too much power to make me happy. Or sad. Now I realize that I’m responsible for making myself happy. I can’t put that kind of pressure on another person. It’s not fair.”

  Her emotional maturity continued to surprise me. She was younger than any of my exes but seemed to have lived a lot more life than they had. Or she just had a lot more insight into her own heart and mind.

  “But isn’t that what relationships are about?” I asked, waving to the guard at the gatehouse as I turned into my winding drive. “Making each other happy?”

  I veered off the main driveway to the shorter path leading to the guest house and took my seat belt off, turning to face her. I wasn’t finished talking. And time with her felt precious, like I could never get enough.

  She removed her seat belt and shifted so we were facing each other. Curling her other hand over mine, she looked down, toying with the onyx and diamond ring on my finger. “I used to think that too,” she said. “That I was somehow responsible for my boyfriend’s happiness. Then I’d feel guilty if he wasn’t happy, like I was doing something wrong.” She looked into my eyes. “Like maybe I wasn’t enough.”

  “You’re more than enough,” I whispered fiercely. “No matter what happens with us, Charli. Don’t ever let another guy make you question that.”

  Her smile was faint when she nodded. “I know.”

  There was a quiet strength about her, like she knew herself better than most. Like maybe she’d found some internal peace that eluded other people. And I wanted to get close enough to allow her certainty to rub off on me.

  I leaned in, testing the waters with a kiss. Her earlier words came back to me as I kept questioning whether I could be the man to fight for her. God, I wanted to be. But I didn’t know if I had the energy left for that kind of battle.

  She palmed my cheek as she deepened the kiss. I knew we were inching closer to the point of no return, but I couldn’t hold back. Every day I spent with her only made me want her more.

  She moaned into my mouth before pulling back, her forehead resting against mine. “This is probably where I should tell you to go home, right? That I’ll see you in the morning?”

  Of course I had to give her an out. She deserved that. “If that’s what you want, you know I’ll respect that.”

  “Is that what you want?” she asked, peering at me through her lashes.

  “Hell no. I wanna stay here with you. Or we can head up to my place?”

  Her breath was ragged when she curled her hand around my shoulder. “I don’t know what to do, honestly. I want you. Whenever we’re together I always want you. But I meant what I said earlier.”

  “I know.” I had no doubt she meant every word, that’s why I couldn’t stop thinking about it. In the end she wanted a guy who could put her first. And I was someone who’d never put anyone or anything above my career.

  “Come in,” she whispered, brushing her cheek against mine. “And I want to talk some more. Then we’ll see, okay?”

  “Sounds good.” As much as I wanted her, I’d never pressure her. She had every reason to shoot me down and I wouldn’t blame her if she did. But I prayed she wouldn’t. I needed her tonight.

  She’d opened her door before I could, but I met her at the passenger’s side, closing the door before backing her into it. My hands were on either side of her, caging her in, when my lips came down on hers. Tentative at first, then searching, before I started demanding more.

  She’d said she wanted to talk. I wanted that too. But I wasn’t opposed to pillow talk. Especially when she tasted so incredible.

  Charli was nibbling at my lip, her arms circling my waist and I was hovering over her, blanketing her with my body as I pressed my erection into her soft belly. Goddamn, this woman was addictive. The more I had of her the more I craved her. My head told me this was a mistake, but my body and heart begged to differ.

  Tearing her lips from mine, she panted, “Let’s take this inside.”

  I held her hand and led her up the walk before sliding a key into the lock and pushing the door open. “I heard what you said about talking,” I said, pressing her against the door, my hands framing her face as soon as she closed the door. “And I’m all about it, but Charli, baby, I’m all about you too. And right now I don’t know if I could string two more words together.” I brushed her lips with mine, closing my eyes as I breathed her in. “I want you so much. It’s making me crazy.”

  I had my answer when she started un-doing the buttons lining the front of my shirt.

  Curling my hands around her wrist, I forced myself to ask, “Sweetheart, you’re sure? No pressure, if—”

  “Don’t ask if I’m sure.”

  Her jade eyes were filled with so much emotion that it was hard to look away. Her inner turmoil was as evident as mine. We both wanted this, but it scared us how much. We could walk away from this… relationship… or whatever it was, broken and battered again and we both had too many scars to risk more.

  “I’m not sure. About anything…” She tipped her head back, her hand skimming my bare chest. “Except how right this feels. My head and heart are at war over you, Dade. And I still don’t know whether my heart will win.”

  Logic or emotion. Opposite sides of the same sword when it came to love. At least in my experience. I understood her inner battle well. I’d lived it. Was still living it. This time with her. And it felt like there was more at stake then there’d ever been before.

  “The only thing I know for sure,” I whispered, stealing another kiss, “is that I can’t let you come out the loser in this, Charli. I care too much about you to see you get hurt.” I thought I was too wound up to talk, but the words poured out. “I won’t be the guy who does another number on you.”

  “And I won’t be the girl who does another number on you.”

  Strangely, I wasn’t even worried about her hurting me. I trusted her with my heart, after I swore no one would ever gain my trust again. It was whether she could fit into my world that concerned me more.

  Would she end up resenting me after a year, the way every other woman had? Would the long nights alone prove too much? Or would it be the other women vying my attention that would eventually push her over the edge? The scandalous rumors and lies about my life on the road? The pics posted on social media with beautiful concert goers who claimed one-nighters that never happened because they were chasing five minutes of fame?

  There were so many possibilities, so many ways for me to hurt her without meaning to.

  That’s why I knew I should walk away now. Before I inflicted permanent damage, scars that would never heal. Before we made memories that were so bittersweet we ached when we thought of them. I had a flashback of the shower and wondered if it was too late to pretend we weren’t already there.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking.” Her eyes were pleading when she said, “No holding back.”

  Chapter 15

  Charli

  I was terrified to ask what was going on inside his head, but I had to know. Before we slept together again. Was this just sex? If it was, I’d deal. I wanted him tonight and was willing to handle the fallout if it meant I fell a little deeper, waking up in his arms.

  “I’m thinking you’re too damn perfect.” He shook his head, looking frustrated. “You’re everything, Charli,” he whispered fiercely. “Everything I’ve ever wanted. But I still don’t know if I can have you.”

  I would have been frustrated by any other guy’s confusion and indecision, but Dade wasn’t most men. He had every right to feel the way he did. The stakes were higher for him. Hell, he stood to lose everything if he tarnished his reputation even more.

  “I get it.” I lowered my head. “We could try to keep things casual.” Though with him I didn’t think that was even possible. My heart already wanted what it couldn’t have. “Sex and…” Nothing more. Those words got
trapped in my throat. I couldn’t stand to lie to him or myself.

  “It’s not like that with us and you know it.” He touched his forehead to mine, looking as conflicted as I felt. “It hasn’t been long, but it feels like we bypassed casual and jumped straight into... something more.” It was obvious he didn’t know how to define things between us any more than I did, but it felt like it had the potential to be serious. Maybe too serious.

  “It’s not too late for you to walk away.” His sigh was heavy when his lips brushed mine. “I can’t promise I wouldn’t chase after you, but…” He swore softly. “I’m making this harder for you, aren’t I? That’s not fair. I don’t want—”

  I silenced him with a kiss. He wasn’t like every other guy I’d ever been with. He wasn’t trying to take advantage, lie, or trap me in a relationship going nowhere. He was being honest, and I appreciated that. I had my eyes wide open and I’d chosen to silence my inner warnings with the possibility this could work out. Maybe I was being naïve, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

  I curled my arms around his neck and let his lips dissolve my fears as he pushed the light sweater over my shoulders and tugged the tank over my head to reveal a lacy bra the same color as my eyes.

  “You’re killin’ me here,” he whispered, between kisses.

  I undid my skinny jeans and pulled them off to reveal matching panties. I loved the way he looked at me, like I was the answer to his prayers. It made me feel sexy and powerful, like we shared control.

  I held his hands and walked backwards toward the master bedroom tucked away at the end of the narrow hallway.

  As soon as we were inside, he kicked the door shut and stalked me with purposeful strides until my legs hit the edge of the mattress. “Lie down, beautiful.”

  I fell backwards and reached for him, but he raised his index finger before stripping his clothes off.

  He was so much bigger than my previous lovers. Taller, broader, more masculine. He made me feel safe, protected. And I knew I was physically safe with him, but emotionally…? It was one hell of a gamble. But I refused to let the uncertainty prevent me from enjoying this moment.

  Dade hovered over me, his weight supported by his muscular arms as he claimed one more kiss before trailing his lips down my body.

  I sighed, feeling the last of my uncertainty slip away as his lips left a blazing trail on my sensitive skin. I was slipping into the zone where the only thing that existed was this man and the pleasure he promised.

  He slipped his fingers into my panties and rumbled deep in his throat as he yanked them off and tossed them aside. I helped the cause by unhooking the closure at the front of my bra, baring myself to him.

  His eyes darkened with desire when he looked up at me and spread my legs before hitting his knees on the shaggy carpet beneath the bed.

  My body was already thrumming with anticipation. I knew how good he could make me feel, and I was quickly becoming addicted to his touch. I was starting to crave it, to fantasize about it when he was and wasn’t around.

  The first touch and my body was already twisting with the manic need to surrender to him. My sighs were breathless as he amplified my rush, making my mouth water and legs tremble with every lash of his tongue. The hum built slowly, rolling through my body until the slow roll built into a driving thunder that made my heart pound and muscles tense.

  Instead of backing off he stepped up his game, making my eyes roll back as I felt the throb between my legs swell to a crushing wave that made senseless whispers fall from my lips as I pleaded for more.

  The tingle rippled through me as I cried out his name and swore softly, writhing while my throaty cries echoed off the walls, igniting my explosion.

  “Please,” I whispered, reaching for him as my release receded. “I need you.” It scared me how much I needed him. If I were to slip away tonight and never see him again, I knew he’d be imprinted on my soul in a way no other man had ever left a mark.

  He bit his lip, his eyes raking over my flushed skin before he claimed the spot beside me. His kiss was tender when he turned my face toward his, stealing my next breath with his. “I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here,” he whispered. “But I want more. A hell of a lot more.”

  I didn’t know if that meant he wanted more sex… or more than sex. And I was too afraid to ask. I’d never been one to hold my tongue, in or out of bed, but my growing feelings for Dade made it impossible to lay it all out there, like the outcome didn’t matter.

  Our kisses became more demanding as he slipped his hand between my legs at the same time I reached for him. He was so hard, so ready for me, and I couldn’t wait to take him. To put an end to this sweet torture and remind him how good we were together.

  His head rolled back as the breath hissed through his lips while I gripped him harder, watching him slip into the same hazy fog that he’d led me to earlier. The rhythm of my hand intensified the rise and fall of his broad chest before he finally gripped my wrist, murmuring, “Enough.”

  I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of this heady feeling. Knowing the man at my mercy was the same man who made thousands of women scream for him every night made me want to claim him. In every way.

  I kissed his chest, running my hand over his abs as I looked up into his eyes. The same eyes that found me in a crowd years ago, zeroed in on me, like he’d found someone special. Our souls connected that night. I felt it, just like he had. So why we were still running from it? Was it time to stop? To just give in to the fear and ride the wave of terror on the off chance we might find euphoria on the other side?

  I straddled him, giving my thoughts a voice as I curled my hands around his thick wrists. “Dade, that night you spotted me at your concert, you wanted me… like this?” I teased us both, sliding his shaft through my slick folds as my breath hitched.

  “Goddamn…” He clenched his jaw, his eyes boring into mine as I waited for an answer. “I wanted…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what the hell I wanted that night. I just knew I wanted facetime with you.”

  “Facetime?” I repeated, leaning over, brushing my lips over his. “You mean like this?” I was pushing him, trying to make him realize this is what we’d both been waiting for, the place our hearts knew we’d eventually meet, even before he knew my name.

  I deepened the kiss and he was still allowing me to pin him, to maintain control for as long as he let me. I knew it would take nothing for him to flip me over, trap me under him, and make me forget all the questions drifting through my head. But he let me have my way, as though he sensed this was important to me. Because it was. I needed answers. I needed to know if he saw what I saw when he really looked at us.

  “Did you imagine kissing me that night?” I continued kissing him, feeling the sweep of his tongue exploring, driving my insatiable need for him to new heights. “Did you imagine taking me home?” I whispered in his ear. “Taking me to bed—”

  “Charli.” My growled name was a warning, but if I couldn’t make him see what he’d missed then he may never realize what he had now. Right in front of him. I was the girl he wanted then. I was clearly still the one he wanted. So why couldn’t we find a way to make this happen?

  “Tell me,” I said, letting my gaze roam his face. He was tense, obviously tired of being teased and ready to seal the deal. But I needed to know what I was agreeing to first. Sex… or something more? “Tell me you never thought of me again. That you never got off thinking about me.” ‘Cause he sure as hell had fueled my fantasies more times than I could count.

  I squealed when he finally flipped me over, pinning me with his body.

  “You wanna know if I thought of you?” He kissed my neck before dipping lower for a taste of my nipples. He sucked hard, then softer, moaning in pleasure. “Scanned the front rows of every concert I’ve played since then, hoping you’d be there again.”

  My body thrummed with pleasure at his admission. I hadn’t been just a pretty face in the crowd to this man. He ha
dn’t forgotten about me minutes after seeing me. He’d wanted me. Looked for me. Hoped for one more chance… with me. It was surreal, knowing I’d had that effect on him. Even more surreal to feel the effect I was having on him now.

  I got my answer. This wasn’t just sex. Dade cared about me, in a way that was foreign to me. I felt it in his touch, in the words he said and didn’t say. I saw it in the way he looked at me. Like he couldn’t believe I was there, in his arms, tasting his kiss, ready to give myself to him, in every way.

  “I’m here now,” I whispered, reaching for his face. “Tell me now what you would have told me then, Dade.” When he hesitated, I said, “I need to hear it.”

  “You’re beautiful,” he said finally, touching his forehead to mine. “So beautiful. But it’s more than that, Charli. I can’t explain it, the way I feel when I look at you. I just know it’s like nothing I’ve felt before.” He fisted my hair in his hands, tugging. “It’s frustrating as hell, if you wanna know the truth. ‘Cause I feel like I can’t control it. And I’m used to controlling everything.”

  I smiled at his admission. “Maybe you’re not meant to control this. Maybe you’re just supposed to go with it? Give into it.” I kissed him, loving that I had the right to. “Give in to me. Quit fighting this.”

  His eyes searched mine, like he was battling with my proposal, wondering if it could be that easy to surrender, in light of his past.

  “It doesn’t have to be hard,” I said, knowing I was reading his mind. “I’m not your exes. And you’re not mine.”

  His eyes narrowed before he lowered his head, claiming my mouth in a hard, possessive kiss. “You better believe I’m not your exes. I’m not stupid enough to treat you the way they did.” His mouth grazed my jaw before his lips nipped my earlobe. “I would never take advantage of you. I’ll worship you. Give you every damn thing you never even knew you wanted or needed.”