Burn Out Read online

  Evan couldn’t look her in the eye and lie to her, even if the truth cost him everything. “Maybe.” When she tried to walk past him without a word, he reached out to grab her arm. “Don’t walk out on me again. Please.”

  “What do you expect me to do?” she cried. “This has all been an act for my benefit, hasn’t it? You don’t want any of it, the house, the dog, the sane work schedule… you did all of that just to lure me back in and then what, Evan?” she asked, shaking him off. “You’d leave me in that big empty house every night with just the dogs to keep me company?”

  “No,” he said, desperate to make her understand. “That was never my intention. You have to believe me. I do want to change.”

  “But can you?”

  “I think so.” He couldn’t deny things were ramping up at work again and new projects were pulling him deeper into the fold than he wanted to go, but he wanted to believe he could maintain a healthy balance for her sake.

  “You think so?” She took a step back. “I can’t pin my future on half-truths and empty promises anymore, Evan. I’m sorry.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Sensing the tension, Ryan and Brianna offered Erika a ride home, which she gratefully accepted after a brief good-bye to Evan and his disillusioned parents. Tucked in the cocoon of darkness in the backseat of Ryan’s car, she watched the manicured lawns and stately mansions disappear as she tried to contain her emotions.

  “Um, I have a favor to ask,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. “Evan’s dog is still at my place with Chloe. Would you guys mind dropping him off or keeping him overnight? I have extra food for him and…”

  “No problem,” Brianna said, shifting in her seat to look at her. “Are you okay?”

  “Sure.” She knew the sniffle gave her away when Ryan glanced at her in the rear-view mirror.

  “Okay, what’s my bonehead of a brother done to upset you this time?” he asked.

  Erika smiled in spite of her sadness. Ryan had this innate ability to make people smile no matter how dire the situation seemed. “He didn’t do anything. He was just being… Evan.”

  “That’ll do it,” Ryan muttered.

  Brianna slapped his arm. “Behave yourself, this is serious.”

  “I can see that,” he said, pulling up to a stop sign. “And I’m worried about both of them.” He looked over his shoulder at Erika. “So tell me what I can do to help.”

  She’d always loved Ryan. He was the one to come to her the day after she left his brother, offering her a shoulder to cry on and a friend if she ever needed to talk. “You can’t do anything,” she said, pulling a tissue out of her purse. “This is something we have to work through on our own, though I don’t know how.”

  “I hope this isn’t because of what I said this afternoon,” Brianna said, a crease appearing between her arched brows. “I never meant to cause any trouble. I love you guys. I want you to work this out. I just…”

  Erika reached for her friend’s hand. “Honey, you’re not the cause of this. It comes down to me and Evan. We’re just two different people.”

  “And you’re sure there’s no way to find a middle ground?” Ryan asked, turning down the music filtering through the speakers.

  “I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Deciding she needed all of the facts, she asked a question she wasn’t sure she wanted answered. “Tell me something, this time last month, how many days a week was Evan working?”

  Ryan and Brianna exchanged a glance and her worst fears were confirmed.

  “Come on, guys, how many? Six? Seven?”

  Obviously trying to make light of the situation, Ryan chuckled. “I’m the wrong guy to ask. You know I put in forty hours on a good week. How the hell would I know whether he’s there bustin’ his ass on weekends?”

  Erika expected that kind of loyalty from his brother, so she turned to her friend, hoping Brianna would be honest with her. Their eyes met under the light of the streetlamps when Ryan pulled up to a stoplight. “Please, Bri,” she said quietly. “This is the rest of my life we’re talking about.”

  Sighing, Brianna folded her hands in her lap and said, “He’s been working seven days a week, fifteen or sixteen hour days since y’all broke up.”

  Ryan shot her a meaningful sidelong glance. “I don’t think we need to get involved in their business, hon.”

  “Someone has to be honest and your brother obviously doesn’t intend to be.”

  Ryan’s grip on the steering wheel tightened and he accelerated away from the light, but remained silent.

  “Thank you,” Erika said softly. “I needed to know what’s been going on.” Her eyes met Ryan’s in the rear-view. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “No.”

  “Please.”

  He sighed as he pulled up in front of her house. “Fine, but if it incriminates my brother, I reserve the right to plead the fifth.”

  Brianna slapped his chest. “That only applies if you run the risk of incriminating yourself. Besides, it only serves in a court of law.”

  “I don’t care. I won’t say anything that’s gonna make this worse for my brother, and you can’t make me.”

  Rolling her eyes at his petulance, Brianna turned to face Erika. “What did you want to know?”

  “Has Evan ever talked to you about buying a house or adopting a pet before, Ry?”

  Narrowing his eyes at his fiancé, Ryan said, “I plead the fifth.”

  “That’s okay,” Erika said, reaching for her door handle. “You told me everything I needed to know.”

  Brianna opened her car door and the two women faced each other on the street. “I’ll come in to get the dog.”

  Erika nodded, trying to keep her lip from trembling. “Thanks.”

  “Hey,” Brianna said, pulling her into a fierce hug. “Are you gonna be okay?”

  “Eventually.”

  ***

  Evan was nursing his second drink when the last party goer left his parents’ house. Ryan had texted him to let him know that Skipper was spending the night with them, so he had no reason to rush home to a big, empty house.

  Luc sat down beside Evan on the couch, slapping his son’s back as he stretched his legs out on the upholstered ottoman in front of them. “All right, what’d you do this time, kid?”

  “Why do you assume I did something to screw this up? Maybe it was her fault this time,” Evan said, scowling into the bottom of his empty glass.

  Luc chuckled. “Sure, it was. Come on, you gonna tell me or do I have to guess?”

  Evan set his glass down on the table beside him and stretched out beside his father. Tipping his head back, he closed his eyes. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, Dad. Could be Erika’s just not the right girl for me.”

  “You don’t believe that any more than I do,” Luc said, crossing his arms.

  “It shouldn’t be this hard.”

  Luc laughed. “Boy, you have no idea how long it took for your mama and me to end up on the same page? Years. And when we did, there were still ups and downs. There always will be. That’s just a part of life.”

  Evan rolled his head to the side, looking at his father. “Mom said something to me a while back and it got me to thinkin’ about what it was like when we were growin’ up.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?” Luc asked, hiding a yawn behind his hand.

  “She said you always put her and your kids first. How the hell did you manage that? I mean, buildin’ a successful company from the ground up, bein’ a good husband and half-way decent father…” Evan chuckled when his father scowled at him. “Seriously, how’d you find a healthy balance?”

  “I didn’t,” Luc said, staring straight ahead. “I missed out on the first fifteen years of Nikki’s life ‘cause I was so obsessed with my work. I can never get those years back and even now, all these years later, I still beat myself up about that.”

  “Really?” Evan knew his father and half-sister had been estranged for a lo
ng time before he was born, but they rarely discussed the circumstances surrounding the split. Now they were as close as any father and daughter Evan knew, so he just assumed they’d made their peace with the past.

  “Sure.” Luc rubbed his eyes. “You never get over abandonin’ your own kid. But let me tell you, I sure as hell didn’t intend to make the same mistake with you boys that I made with Nik.”

  Evan could understand how Luc’s life experiences would have shaped the kind of husband and father he was, but he didn’t see how he could apply that to his own life.

  “It’s not about how much time you spend with your family, Evan. It’s about what you do with the time you have. The memories you make.” He smiled. “You guys wouldn’t have noticed if I was there to watch your favorite TV program with you after dinner, but you would’ve noticed if I wasn’t there to read you a story or tuck you in at night.”

  Evan smiled at the memory of their bedtime ritual. “I guess you’re right.”

  “You wouldn’t have cared one way or the other whether it was me or your mom helpin’ you with your homework after school, but if I wasn’t at one of your baseball games or school concerts, you would have missed me.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Evan joked. “You always embarrassed us by yellin’ at the umpires or whistlin’ like a crazy man while the other parents applauded politely.”

  Luc threw his head back and laughed. “You loved it when I did that.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Seriously,” Luc said, slapping his son’s knee. “Those are the things your kids are gonna remember. You have to make time to make those kinds of memories. You’re gonna have to travel, and you may not make it home in time for dinner every night, but as long as you spend quality time with them and let them know you’ll always be there when they need you, your kids are gonna be just fine.”

  Evan knew his father was right. Luc had worked a lot while he and Ryan were growing up, but that taught him about working hard to achieve success. Evan hoped to pass that on to his own kids one day. “Can I ask you somethin’ else?” He didn’t even know how to broach the subject, but if anyone could offer him insight into this dilemma, it was his father.

  Luc tipped his head back and closed his eyes. “Anything, you know that.”

  “How did you and Mom, you know, stay connected?”

  Luc opened one eye and chuckled. “Surely to God you’re not askin’ me about my sex life, boy?”

  Mortified at the mere suggestion, Evan hit him in the arm. “No! Are you crazy?”

  Luc laughed. “I’m just messin’ with ya, kid. Marisa and I stayed connected the same way most busy couples do, I guess. We had date nights, a couple of times a year we went away for long weekends, just the two of us…” He smiled. “We bought an extra deep couch for the family room so we could take the back cushions off. It became our cuddle couch. After you boys went to bed, we’d cuddle up there and watch TV together.” He shrugged. “Intimacy isn’t all about sex. It’s about lettin’ her know you care, that you couldn’t do what you do without her.”

  Maybe that’s where he had gone wrong. He’d never shown Erika how much he needed her. He let her believe that his work was a separate part of his life that didn’t involve her. Little did she know, he’d never been happier or more productive at Titan than he was when they were together.

  “Thanks, Dad,” he said, getting to his feet. “I think I know how to make things right. Um, you mind if I go and grab somethin’ out of the safe?”

  They shared a look. Both men knew Evan had only been keeping one thing in that safe. His grandmother’s ring.

  “You sure this is the right time?” Luc asked, raising an eyebrow. “That’s not a Band-Aid solution. You need to be on solid ground before you even think about-”

  Evan held his hand up. “I know what I’m doin’…” He smiled. “Thanks to you.”

  “Okay,” Luc said, reaching for the phone. “Let me call the driver. You can pick your car up tomorrow.”

  ***

  Erika was tossing and turning, trying to escape her thoughts, when Chloe started barking to alert her she’d spotted something or someone outside. Holding her breath, Erika threw her legs over the edge of the bed, hoping it was just a squirrel or the pesky raccoon that was always getting into her garbage cans.

  A light tap on the door and Chloe stopped barking and started dancing around to show her excitement. That could only mean one person. Evan. Chloe was hoping he’d brought her favorite playmate back for a sleepover.

  Looking down at the black silk nightgown, she grimaced, wishing she’d taken the time to grab a robe before making her way to the door. Oh well, she couldn’t do much about her state of undress now. Not that it mattered. Evan had seen her in much less.

  She took a fortifying breath, trying to steel her resolve. Just the sight of him often dissolved any residual anger, leaving her with the overwhelming urge to kiss and make up instead of hold him accountable for his actions. Not this time, she vowed, reaching for the door handle. This time would be different.

  She looked up, expecting to meet his eyes. Instead, her gaze drifted down. Oh my God. He was on bended knee, holding a black velvet ring box containing the largest diamond she’d ever laid eyes on.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered. Her heart hammered in her chest, and she was certain he could see the effect his surprise was having on her.

  He grinned. “What does it look like I’m doin’, beautiful?”

  She gripped the door knob, shaking her head in stunned denial. This could not be happening. It must be a dream. But if it was, did she really want to wake up?

  “You wanted to marry me not so long ago,” he said, reaching for her hand. “But I was too stupid and self-absorbed to realize that I’m nothin’ without you.”

  Erika couldn’t stop the flow of tears. She’d been waiting for this moment for years. “That’s not true,” she whispered, wanting desperately to believe every word. If only they didn’t share a long and complicated history that made believing they could finally be getting their happily ever after so difficult.

  “Yes, it is.”

  Chloe ran off towards the kitchen when the draft teased the hem of her mistress’s nightgown. It was cold outside, but Erika was numb to everything, including the elements.

  Evan kissed her hand before looking up into her eyes. “Everything makes sense with you in my life, baby.” He shrugged. “Without you, I’m just goin’ through the motions.”

  Tugging on his hand, she pulled him forward, into the house. Closing the door behind them, she leaned against it, needing the feel of something solid to ground her. “I don’t-”

  As though he sensed her hesitation, he kissed her tenderly, making her body sway involuntarily toward his. “Please, just let me finish. I need to say so many things, things I should have had the sense to say years ago.”

  “Okay,” she said, anxious to hear every word.

  “When we met, you blew me away. You were so smart and sexy. You knew exactly where you wanted to go and how you were going to get there.”

  He was right about her sense of purpose. She had wanted to be a veterinarian since she was a little girl. For her, there was no question what she would do with her life.

  “I loved your drive and determination. Even more than that, I loved your attitude. You always believed you could do anything you set your mind to.”

  She knew she owed that unwavering self-confidence to her parents. They’d always told her there were no limitations as long as she was willing to work hard and persevere in the face of setbacks.

  “You believed you could operate a successful business and be a good wife and mother.”

  “That’s all I ever wanted,” she said quietly. The ring still glittered between them, like a beacon of light and hope in the shadow of darkness. “I wanted a family with you and I wanted to do what I love, what I believe I was born to do.”

  He smiled. “You wanna know what I think I was born
to do?”

  That was a no brainer. “Run Titan Records.”

  “No. I was born to love you.”

  His quiet conviction took her breath away. God help her, she loved this man more now than ever, which made the risk even greater. If she let him walk away now, she would always wonder if they could have had the life she had always dreamed of. But if she accepted his proposal, she opened herself up to a world of hurt if it didn’t work out.

  “What’s changed?” she asked. Praying he could make her see something she’d been blind to before, she asked, “Why do you want to marry me now?”

  “I’ve lived with you and I’ve lived without you. Living without you isn’t living. It’s existing. I can’t go on that way for the next fifty years, Erika. I need you.”

  She needed him too, more than she was willing to admit. “I’m scared,” she said, looking at the box clenched tightly in his hand. “What if things go back to the way they were?”

  “I’m not a stupid guy.”

  She couldn’t argue with that. He was the smartest, most capable man she’d ever known. “But…”

  “Only an idiot would make the mistake of taking you for granted twice in one lifetime. I did it once. I won’t do it again.”

  She thought about her conversation with Brianna and Ryan. “I need to know that you want to make these changes because it’s what you want, not because you think it’ll make me happy.”

  “I do want to make you happy,” he said, stepping closer, flattening her back against the door. “That’s the most important thing in the world to me. I’d buy a dozen houses, adopt a hundred dogs, and work from home if that’s what made you happy.”

  She caught her breath when he traced a fingertip over the swell of her breast.

  “If I’m guilty of anything here, it’s of lovin’ you too much, baby. Did I make all these changes for you? Yes. Would I do it again in a heartbeat? Hell, yeah. ‘Cause we ended up exactly where I hoped we would.” He circled her waist with his free hand, drawing her closer. “With you in my arms and our future right there for the takin’. All you have to do is say yes.”