Darius (Starkis Family #5) Read online

  Her words only fueled my anger. “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel you’re not good enough, Chelsea. You can hold your own with anyone. I’ve seen that for myself.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You have a gift.” I wanted her to leave knowing how special I thought she was. As hurt and upset as I was, I couldn’t resent her for wanting a better life for herself any more than I could blame her for not trusting me to give it to her. “This opportunity will give you a chance to share it while providing you with some stability. I’m just glad you’ll have Daphne there with you.”

  “Then you think I’m making the right decision?”

  “I can’t answer that. You have to go with your gut, do what feels right to you.”

  She hesitated as though she expected more from me. “Right, okay. Well, I guess I should track Nate and Daphne down and give them the good news.” She stopped in front of me before hugging me. “Thank you for understanding.”

  I didn’t understand any of this, but I loved her enough to support her, even if it was tearing me up inside. “You’re welcome.” I held her longer than necessary, trying to burn the memory of her scent into my brain. “I only want the best for you, Chels. You know that.”

  “I do.”

  ***

  “You’re such an idiot!”

  “Gee, sis, tell me how you really feel.”

  I flipped through the channels, looking for something to distract me. Chelsea had only been gone for an hour, and I already wanted her back. I’d called my sister hoping Catia would tell me I’d done the right thing, the selfless thing, by letting her go, but she apparently had other ideas.

  “I can’t believe you didn’t even try to tell her how you felt. You should have gotten down on your knees and begged her to stay.”

  “Oh, you mean like Chase did when you left town?” That was a low blow, but I wanted to lash out at someone. My sister was making herself an easy target.

  “You and Chase both have more pride than brains.”

  She might have been right. “How can I claim to care about her if I put what I want above what she wants?”

  “Did you ask her if this is what she really wants?” Catia asked.

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “It obviously is, or she wouldn’t be leaving.” I rolled my eyes. For a smart woman, Catia could be pretty dense sometimes. “This is the opportunity of a lifetime for her. She’d be crazy not to take it.”

  “I kind of thought you were her once-in-a-lifetime,” Catia said softly.

  “You were wrong.”

  I couldn’t get that letter out of my head. Had she not shared it with me, I might have put up more of a fight when she told me she was leaving. But hearing Shaun’s words echo in my head, seeing Chelsea’s reaction as I’d read them, reinforced what I already knew. He would always stand between us, preventing her from loving me the way I needed her to.

  “How do you know that?”

  “Her husband,” I said quietly, closing my eyes as I tipped my head back. “He was the love of her life. He’ll always have her heart. No matter what I say or do, I’ll always wonder if he’s her first and last thought of the day.”

  “What happened to him?”

  I hadn’t intended to share the details with anyone, but now that our relationship was over and Chelsea was gone, I didn’t see the harm in confiding in my sister. “He killed himself.”

  “Oh my God. No wonder she’s had a hard time moving on. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for her.”

  “Yeah, I know.” Chelsea was, without question, the strongest woman I knew. “She told me when we met she wasn’t interested in a relationship. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was because of what happened with Shaun. She wasn’t over it or him.”

  “That may have been true when you first met,” Catia said, “but I’d bet my favorite pair of Jimmy Choos that she’s over him now. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, heard the way she talks about you. It’s you she wants, Darius. Now quit being a dumbass. Call her and tell her you can’t let her go.”

  “I can’t do that.” Keeping her here if this wasn’t where she wanted to be wouldn’t have been fair. I wasn’t even living in New York City full time myself. Sure, my house was only an hour and a half away, but that must have seemed like the other side of the country without a car.

  “Sure you can. You can give her the kind of life she’s always dreamed of right there. She doesn’t need to go to Kansas City to find a better life.”

  My sister was right. I could give Chelsea anything money could buy, but I couldn’t bring back the man she still clearly missed.

  “I saw how much fun she had in the Hamptons, and you said she fell in love with your little cottage.”

  I smiled, thinking about how she’d appreciated every little thing about that old place. “Yeah, she did. But Chelsea doesn’t even drive, Cat. I have to spend most of the week in the Hamptons. We’d only see each other on weekends. What kind of relationship would that be?”

  “If you want something badly enough, you make it happen,” she said.

  I couldn’t argue with that. I’d never been one to let obstacles stand in my way. “You can’t make someone love you.”

  “True, but you can give them a million good reasons to fall in love with you.” I could hear the laughter in her voice. “If you’re not willing to stand in the way of her dream, you can at least remind her of what’s waiting for her in New York if she ever changes her mind.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Keep in touch with her. Call her, text her, send her flowers, go and visit her.”

  Just the thought of seeing and talking to her again made me feel better. “As a friend?”

  “Is that what you want, to be her friend?”

  “No.” But it was better than nothing.

  “Then show her what you want. Be the strong, supportive, loving man in her life. Let her know that you want to see her make her dreams come true and help her any way you can.”

  “But what if she decides K.C. is where she needs to be long-term?”

  “Then I guess you have a big decision to make, don’t you?”

  I loved living in New York. I’d loved living in Chicago. I loved traveling for work and pleasure. But I couldn’t imagine putting down roots in Kansas. Not even for Chelsea. Of course, I might feel differently after we’d been apart for a few months.

  “If she comes back to New York and decides that’s where she belongs, have you thought about how you’d make it work, with you in the Hamptons and her in the city?” Cat said.

  “Not really.” I’d been traveling back and forth a lot lately, but it was starting to take a toll, physically and mentally.

  “You said she doesn’t drive?”

  “She drives. She just doesn’t have a car.”

  “That’s easy enough to fix.”

  I chuckled. “You don’t know Chelsea well then. She’d kill me if I tried to buy her a car.”

  “When’s her birthday?”

  I could tell Catia was planning and scheming. Normally I would have told her to back off and mind her own business, but I was desperate. “In a couple of months. Why?”

  “Perfect timing. If you follow my advice and maintain your relationship with her, that couple of months should give her enough time to decide where she really wants to be. She and I want to keep in touch too, so I’ll have a chance to feel her out, try to figure out where her head’s at.”

  “You’re making nice with my girlfriend?” Not that she was my girlfriend anymore. “Why?”

  “Because I like her. Do you have a problem with that?”

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about Chelsea being friends with Cat. But both were strong-willed women, so I knew it wouldn’t matter even if I did object. They’d still do whatever the hell they wanted to.

  “So let me get this straight,” I said. “You’re suggesting I keep in touch with her as though nothing’s happened. L
et on that I still want to be with her?”

  “You do, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do. But we both know long-distance relationships never work.”

  “It couldn’t be long distance forever,” Catia said. “That’s for sure. Eventually one of you would have to relocate. But if things are going well between you two in a couple of months and you get the feeling she’d like to come back, buy her that car, give her a key to that cottage she loves so much, and convince her there’s an amazing life waiting for her in New York.”

  I was suddenly really glad I had sisters to set me straight when I screwed up. “Thanks, Cat. You’ve made me feel a lot better.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to take my advice?”

  “What choice do I have? I love that girl. I can’t just let her go.”

  Cat squealed, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear. “You just said you’re in love! I couldn’t be happier for you guys!”

  “Don’t break out the champagne just yet. We still don’t know if your little plan’s gonna work.”

  “Trust me, it’ll work. She doesn’t want to leave you any more than you want to let her go.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Chelsea

  “You okay?” Daphne asked, wrapping her arm around me as I set my suitcase by the door.

  “Yeah, sure.” I wasn’t okay. I felt sick. I hated leaving all my friends and the life I’d built in New York, but it was leaving Darius that was really killing me.

  Daphne tugged on my hands, forcing me to sit on the sofa in Darius’s living room. “I can tell you’re not really sure about this. Maybe we should tell Nate we need a little more time to decide. He’ll understand. Uprooting your whole life is a big decision.”

  “We’ve already quit our jobs. We have to go now.”

  “Yeah, but Darius will be reopening the club in a couple of months. We can find waitressing jobs until then.”

  “Darius doesn’t want me to stay.” Admitting that aloud felt like a knife piercing my chest, but I had to face facts. “The only time I’ve heard from him was when he texted to ask when we’d be leaving. He wants his keys back.”

  “Which means he’ll be here soon,” Daphne said, checking her watch. “You should talk to him, tell him how you feel about him. Could be he feels the same way about you.”

  “A guy doesn’t let the woman he loves walk out of his life.” At least a guy like Darius wouldn’t. He was a fighter, the kind of man who wouldn’t give up until he got what he wanted. So he clearly doesn’t want me.

  “I think you’re making a lot of assumptions,” Daphne said, curling her arm around my shoulder. “This may be your last chance to see him and tell him how you feel. Don’t waste it just because you’re scared.”

  “I’m not scared.”

  “Yeah, right.” Daphne rolled her eyes. “You’ve been living your life in this safe little bubble ever since Shaun died, keeping your distance from any guy who interests you because you were afraid of getting your heart broken again.”

  “Yeah, and look at me now, sitting here with a broken heart.” I’d thought losing Shaun had destroyed me, but knowing Darius was willing to write me off so easily hurt even more.

  When someone knocked on the door, Daphne said, “Oh, that must be him. We have a few hours before we have to catch our flight. I’m going to go check on Maria at her hotel, make sure she doesn’t need anything.”

  “Are you sure she’s okay with the service we set her up with?” I hated leaving her high and dry. She was the closest thing to a grandmother I’d ever had, and I felt responsible for her.

  “She’ll be fine,” Daphne said, patting my hand. “You just worry about making things right with your man.”

  “He’s not my ma—” I stopped mid-sentence when Daphne opened the door to Darius. God, he looked even more gorgeous than the last time I’d seen him.

  Daphne kissed his cheek before passing him her key. “I can’t thank you enough for letting us crash here. It’s been great.”

  “My pleasure.” Darius looked at me over Daphne’s shoulder, smiling. “You girls about ready to go? Need any help packing?”

  I stood, gesturing toward the suitcases by the door. “Nope. That’s all we’ll need for now.”

  “I’m going to give you guys some time,” Daphne said, squeezing Darius’s hand as she walked past him. “I want to check on Maria anyhow.”

  “I went to see her yesterday,” Darius said. “I told her if she needed anything to call me.”

  If I hadn’t been head over heels in love with this guy before, I would have been now. He barely knew Maria, yet he was willing to step up and help take care of her because she was important to me, or he felt bad for her. Either way, it was more proof I didn’t need that he was a stand-up guy.

  “That was nice of you,” I said as Darius turned to watch Daphne step onto the elevator.

  “What’s that?” he asked. “Offering to help Maria? She’s a sweet old lady. Why wouldn’t I want to help her if I can?”

  “You’re a good man, Darius.” I reached for his hands. “I’m really going to miss you.” That was as honest as I could be without falling apart.

  “You may not have to miss me.”

  My heart pounded as I prayed he was saying what I thought he was. He didn’t want me to go. “What do you mean?”

  “Maybe we can keep in touch?”

  “Oh.” I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice. “Yeah, sure. That would be nice.” I turned my back on him, hoping he wouldn’t see the tears gathering in my eyes.

  He curled his hands around my shoulders, leaning down to whisper in my ear, “You don’t have to do this, you know. If it isn’t what you want…”

  That wasn’t the same as saying it wasn’t what he wanted. “It’ll be an adjustment.” I cleared my throat as I broke the contact I desperately craved. I loved the feel of his hands on me, but a friendly, supportive touch was worse than no contact at all. “But we’ll get used to it. In the long run, I think it’ll be for the best. For both of us.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Both of us meaning you and Daphne or you and me?”

  How was I supposed to answer that without making him feel guilty for not wanting me as much as I wanted him? “Better for everyone, I guess.”

  “Cat tells me you and she have decided to keep in touch.”

  I couldn’t help but smile when I thought of Darius’s quirky sister. She’d called me as soon as she heard about my move, demanding to know whether I’d lost my mind. I was living in one of the fashion meccas of the world according to Catia. A girl just didn’t leave that behind without some serious consideration.

  “Yeah. We’ve talked and texted a few times. I hope it won’t be weird for you if we stay in touch.”

  “Not at all.” He smiled as he kissed my hand. “In fact, I was hoping we could stay in touch too.”

  “Really?” I cursed my eagerness. He was just being polite. Sort of like running into an old friend and suggesting you do lunch when you knew neither one would ever find the time or inclination to make it a priority. “Uh sure, that would be great. If you think you’ll have the time.”

  “I’ll always make time for you.” He stroked my cheek, making me want to whimper. “You have to know this isn’t easy for me.”

  Finally, we were getting somewhere. “It isn’t easy for me either. You mean a lot to me, Darius.”

  “But you have to pursue this.” He released my hand, drawing a deep breath. “If you don’t, you’ll always wonder what might have been. I wouldn’t want you to have any regrets.”

  That was why he was letting me go, because he didn’t want me to resent him or our relationship? That was crazy! “And if I wanted to stay here to be with you…?”

  “I don’t think I could let you.” He smirked when my jaw dropped. “You need to do this. Just know that if you ever change your mind and decide this is where you belong, I’ll be right here waiting for you.”

  A
s sweet as that sentiment was, men like Darius Starkis didn’t just sit around waiting for girls like me to come to their senses. “Maybe it’s not too late to call Nate and tell him—”

  He silenced me with a kiss, my very favorite way of being told to shut the hell up.

  “It’s too late to back out now, Chels. And not just because the wheels are already in motion. If you come back here, to me, I need to know it’s because you’ve left your past behind you.”

  “You’re talking about Shaun, aren’t you?” If I had one regret, it was showing him that letter.

  “Yeah, I guess I am. You were married to him. You two shared dreams for the future. This club you’re opening with his brother is one of them. Only you can decide if it’s still your dream, one that you want to bring to fruition in his memory.”

  I didn’t know how he could be so calm while his words made me feel as if I was shattering like glass.

  “If and when you come back to me, I need to know that you’ve left your past behind. I’m not asking you to forget Shaun or pretend you didn’t love him. But if you come back, I need to know it’s because you love me in a way that’s…” He rubbed his chest as though the words hurt his heart as much as they hurt mine. “Mine. All mine.”

  I pulled him into my arms. He was crazy if he didn’t see that I already loved him in a way that was different than the way I’d loved Shaun. I’d loved Shaun the way a girl loves her first love, not the way a mature woman loves the man she wants to spend her life with. Because Shaun had been my first, my love for him may have been immature, based on neediness more than anything else.

  “You have no idea how much you already mean to me,” I whispered.

  “Then that will only intensify if we’re apart,” he whispered back, brushing my hair back. “Time apart will help us both figure out for sure whether what we have is real. If it’s not, I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your dream for me.”

  I knew he was right. He was being the mature one, taking care of me even though I swore I could take care of myself. “If that’s the way you want it.”