Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) Page 19

  Over the past year and a half, he’d been my secret crush, my friend, my lover, my hero. Seeing him had gotten me out of bed on days when the hopelessness of my situation with Jason threatened to crush me. In spite of everything that had happened between us, I still owed him a debt of gratitude for giving me hope when I thought all was lost.

  Char was sitting in Jason’s lap, playing with his fingers. “I’m sad I won’t be able to go to the old house anymore,” she said, her lower lip jutting out. “I’ll miss it.”

  Jason had told her he planned to sell our family home because, as he put it, we all needed to move on. I knew it was a practical choice, since we would have to split the equity in the house, but Char wouldn’t understand that.

  “But this is your home now,” Jason said, looking at the comfortable home I’d made for the two of us. “You like it here, right?”

  “I did.” Her lip trembled again as she looked up at Gabe. “But now Gabe and Poncho are leaving. I’m going to miss them.”

  My little girl wasn’t the only one. I’d miss them too. Especially Poncho’s master.

  “I’ve been thinking about that,” Gabe said, smiling at Char. “Maybe I should call the Realtor and tell her I’ve changed my mind about selling the house.”

  “Yay!” Char said, bouncing up and down in her daddy’s lap as she clapped her hands.

  I smiled at her reaction, but asked Gabe, “What about the house you already bought?”

  He shrugged. “You know I usually try to flip a couple of houses a year. Maybe this could be one of them. Or maybe I’ll renovate it and hang on to it for a bit, see what the future has in store for…” His eyes drifted to Char and I knew he was thinking us, but he said, “Me.”

  “How about we go and get some ice cream?” Jason said to Char. “If that’s okay with your mom?”

  “Sure, it’s fine.” I knew Jason wanted some alone time to tell Char that he approved of my relationship with Gabe. Assuming we tried to pick up where we’d left off, he didn’t want Char to feel guilty for sharing her love with another man. I had to admit Jason showed signs of turning things around, becoming the man I’d fallen in love with again. I just hoped nothing happened to derail his progress.

  After a quick kiss on my cheek and a wave to Gabe, I watched my daughter skip out the door, holding her daddy’s hand. She didn’t seem devastated by the news that Jason and I planned to make our separation permanent. Perhaps because she’d known in her heart, as I had, it was only a matter of time.

  Gabe waited until he heard the door close before he came to sit on the table in front of me. “You must have a million questions.”

  “Just one. Why didn’t you tell me the real reason you were ending it?” I’d always thought I could count on Gabe to be honest with me. The fact that he’d kept something like that from me, even if he felt justified, still stung.

  “I wanted to.” He reached for my hands, looking down at my bare fingers as he rubbed his thumbs across them. “But Jay was a bit of a loose cannon. I really believed he’d make good on his threats and I couldn’t risk that.”

  “I understand.” I did understand why he did it. A part of me was even grateful he had, but the other part of me was frustrated and confused. I wanted a partner who would be honest with me, not one who would try to shelter and protect me because he didn’t believe I was strong enough to handle the truth.

  “But?”

  He knew me too well. “But I need someone I can trust. Someone who’ll be honest with me even when it hurts.”

  He brought my hands to his lips, his eyes locking on mine. “I know I screwed this up. I could have handled it better. But just know that everything I did I did for one reason… because I love you.”

  I lowered my head, unable to speak. I still loved him too, so much. But could I believe he wouldn’t bail on me again when a situation seemed impossible? “You don’t just walk away, Gabe. Not when you love someone. You stay. You fight. When things get hard, you find a solution together.”

  “I know, baby.” He lowered his head. “I know.”

  “If you’d told me what Jason planned to do, we could have figured out a way to stop him. Together. But you didn’t give us that chance. You made the decision for me, and I’m not going to lie. That hurts.”

  “I hate that I hurt you,” he said, his voice gravelly as he bit his lip. “I hate that. But, Kendra, I’ll do anything to protect you… and that little girl. I love her too, you know.”

  I closed my eyes, knowing he meant it. I saw it every time he looked at her, every time she made him laugh. She’d captured a piece of heart, without meaning to, and I knew no matter what happened between us, she would always have a special place in his heart.

  “You know how I feel about you. But that’s not what this is about. I’ve made a mistake before. I can’t afford to make another one.”

  “And you think giving me another chance would be a mistake?”

  I didn’t want to believe that, but my heart and head were leading me in different directions. My head was telling me I couldn’t take another risk like that, but my heart was threatening to shatter if I didn’t.

  “I don’t know what to think.”

  I dropped my head and he gripped the back of my neck, pulling me close, until my head rested on his shoulder. Kissing the top of my head, he said, “What if you went with your gut. If you didn’t overthink it—”

  “If it were just me, maybe I could do that. But I have to think of Char too.” I raised my head and before I could draw a breath, his lips were on mine.

  The kiss felt like it was never going to end, yet it ended way too soon. I wanted it to last forever because when he was kissing me, I couldn’t think about anything else, and right now I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to feel.

  “How about if you agree to give me one day. That’s all I’m asking for, just one day.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said, frowning. “How is one day going to help me decide what to do?”

  “I’m asking for one day to start,” he said, giving me that sexy, lopsided grin I loved so much. “If that day goes well, you give me another, and another, and another.”

  I laughed at his reasoning. “Are you suggesting I put you on probation?”

  “I’ve screwed this up twice now,” he said, shrugging. “I’d say I deserve to be on probation.”

  “Okay,” I said, smiling as I framed his handsome face with my hands before leaning in to kiss him. “One day.”

  ***

  Jason offered to take Char back to his place last night, claiming he needed help packing. And Gabe went home to call the realtor, to let her know he’d changed his mind about selling the house.

  Today was the first day of “our new arrangement” and I wasn’t sure what to expect. So when he arrived on my doorstep a little after ten that morning with a huge bouquet of flowers in a clear glass vase, I was speechless. And more than a little excited about what he might have in store for me today.

  “They’re beautiful. Thank you,” I whispered, smiling as he leaned in to kiss me.

  “It occurred to me we haven’t spent a lot of time doing things most couples who are dating do.”

  That was true. Though we’d spent as much time together as any couple in a committed relationship, Char was usually with us. “What did you have in mind?”

  “Well, since Jay has Char today, I was hoping you could spend the day with me.”

  “How do you know he’s spending the day with her?” I asked, reaching for my purse after setting the flowers down on the hall table.

  “He texted to let me know.” He reached for my hand after I’d locked the door and we crossed my front lawn to his driveway.

  “You and Jason are friendly again?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. They’d been close before, but it never occurred to me they could resurrect their friendship after everything that went down.

  “I wouldn’t say friendly,” he said, opening his truck door for me. “I think
we’re trying to figure out a way to co-exist. He is Char’s dad, which means he’ll continue to be a part of your life. For her sake, I want us all to get along.”

  I couldn’t deny I loved that he was willing to set his own feelings about Jason aside for Char’s benefit.

  “Thank you,” I said, slipping into the passenger’s seat with a smile. As he closed the door, I hoped he realized I appreciated more than his chivalry. I appreciated the man he was, and the man he was trying to become.

  I knew relationships didn’t come easily for him, but he wanted to prove he was capable of making a commitment, to both of us, and I loved him for that.

  “So, where are we going?” Since I was wearing a long, blue maxi dress and white flip flops, I felt ready for almost anything, except maybe hiking, which I knew Gabe loved.

  “I wanted to show you the house I bought first,” he said, slipping his hand through mine after starting the engine. “I hope that’s okay.”

  “Sure. Um, have you thought about what you’re going to do with it?” I wanted to know if he’d talked to the realtor yet. The For Sale sign was still on his lawn, but that didn’t mean his house was still an active listing.

  “I’m going to move forward with my plans to renovate it,” he said, cruising to a stop in front of Char’s school. “I might as well. It’s a good investment, not to mention a great family home.”

  “So, you plan to sell it?”

  “I don’t know.” He took his eyes off the road for a split second to look at me. “A lot depends on what you think.”

  “It’s your decision, Gabe.” I didn’t want him to make a decision he would later regret, based on my input alone. “Your money is on the line, right?”

  “It’s more than money on the line,” he said, turning down the classic rock radio station that had been playing in the background. “It’s our future.”

  I wanted to consider a future with Gabe, but not until we had more time to work out all of the kinks in our relationship. Given all of the roadblocks we’d already hit, I wasn’t naïve enough to believe we’d faced them all.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, obviously sensing my discomfort. “Too soon to think about the future?”

  “I thought we were going to take it one day at a time,” I reminded him. “Isn’t that what you said last night?”

  “You’re right, but…” He squeezed his eyes shut as we pulled up to a red light, tipping his head back against the headrest. “It’s just so hard not to think about all the things I want with you.”

  Okay, that was sweet, but I had to keep a level head this time. For my daughter’s sake as well as my own. Char didn’t need a mother who was losing it over some guy every other week. She needed someone who had it all together, who could be alone if she chose to, and wasn’t dependent on anyone else for her happiness.

  “I’m not going to lie,” I said, clasping his hand a little tighter. “Over the past year and a half, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if we were a real couple, a family even.” I whispered the last few words, almost afraid to voice them aloud. I knew he thought the world of Char, but for a lifelong bachelor like Gabe, the prospect of being a stepdad had to be daunting. Assuming that was the kind of future he had in mind for us.

  “So tell me about it,” he said, grinning. “What would that life look like?”

  I so did not want to go there, but I knew if I didn’t, it would look like I was scared. Which I was, but I didn’t want to admit it. “I’m in no hurry to get married again,” I said, hoping he believed that. “But if it happened, that would be great.”

  “Go on,” he said, sounding a little dejected.

  “And you know I love kids, so it would be nice to be a mom again. This time I’d like it to be with someone who was as excited as I was about the baby.”

  “Jason wasn’t excited about becoming a daddy?”

  I’d never told him that before. Mainly because I didn’t want it to seem like Jason didn’t love our daughter. In spite of his faults, I knew she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

  “Not really.” I looked out the window, watching the traffic thin out as we turned into a sprawling residential area where I knew Seb and Skylar shared a home. “He was nervous. So was I, but I was excited too. I’d always wanted to be a mom.”

  “You’re an amazing mother,” he said, kissing my hand. “I know I’ve told you that before, but it bears repeating.”

  Being a mom had been the most important thing in the world to me the first time I looked into her beautiful eyes. Knowing that little person was counting on me for everything was terrifying, but she’d enriched my life in ways I couldn’t have possibly imagined.

  “Thank you.”

  “I want the chance to be a dad.” He pulled into the driveway of a run-down house with overgrown landscaping. He let his words sink in as he cut the engine. “I’ve thought a lot about this lately,” he said, shifting to face me. “You know, having a family.”

  “And?” I needed to hear him say the words.

  “I want it.” Again, he was toying with my fingers, sliding his thumb and forefinger up and down my ring finger. I don’t even know if he realized what he was doing as he said, “And I can’t imagine wanting that with anyone but you.”

  That admission robbed me of the ability to breathe, much less speak, as tears sprang to my eyes.

  “I want the family life I never had growing up. I want to be there for my kids in a way my dad couldn’t be there for me because he was so messed up.”

  I had no doubt he would be an amazing father. Just watching him with his sweet little niece and my daughter left me with no reservations about that. “I know you will be.”

  “That’s one of the things I love most about you, you know,” he said, reaching out to stroke my cheek. “You believe in me.”

  “Of course I do.” It wasn’t difficult to believe in a man like Gabe, whose moral compass always seemed to point him in the right direction.

  “I know I’ve given you a million reasons to doubt me lately—”

  I covered his lips with my fingertips. “If we’re going to take this one day at a time, I think we need to agree not to waste precious time talking about the past anymore.” I’d fallen asleep thinking about this last night, the sacrifice Gabe had been willing to make for me and what it said about the kind of person he was.

  “Does that mean you forgive me?” he asked, sounding hopeful.

  “Honestly, there’s nothing to forgive. You did what you thought was best for me because you care. I may not agree with your strategy, keeping me in the dark the way you did, but I know your heart was in the right place.”

  He sighed, looking as though he were trying to rein in his frustration. “If you’re not holding that against me, why do I still feel like you’re holding back?”

  “No couple builds trust overnight,” I reminded him. “It takes time.”

  “We’re not exactly strangers, Kendra.”

  “No, but we are new to this whole relationship thing and we’ve hit a lot of bumps already. I just think we need to slow down and be a little more cautious moving forward.” I knew I wasn’t being unreasonable, even if I wasn’t saying the things he wanted to hear.

  “Fair enough.” He pointed to the house in front of us. “Let’s go in and have a look. I’d love to hear your thoughts.”

  I didn’t know much about home renovations, aside from the small projects Jason and I had taken on in our old house, but since this seemed important to him, I was willing to play along.

  “The previous owners moved out already?” I asked, unable to believe how quickly he’d closed on this place.

  “Yeah, he was ready to move on. His wife passed away a while back and he just wasn’t able to look after the place anymore. Clearly.” He fit the key into the lock and opened the door, gesturing for me to enter first.

  The inside looked like I expected it to: a throwback to another decade. The eighties, judging
by the dusty pink carpet and floral wallpaper.

  Gabe laughed at my reaction, which I’d been trying to mask.

  “I know you must be thinking I’m crazy, but let me tell you about my vision. Maybe you’ll be able to see it.” He took my hand and let me through the musty-smelling living room into a small galley kitchen. Knocking on the wall, he said, “This isn’t load-bearing, which means I can take it down and open this space up.”

  As I looked around I realized that would make for a large and much more contemporary living space. “I’m sure it will be great.”

  “Given all the natural light,” Gabe said, pointing to the huge windows, “and reasonably high ceiling, I don’t think it’ll be too tough to modernize the space.”

  “You’re the expert.” After seeing the magic he’d worked on other homes he’d purchased, including his own, I had no doubt he could pull this off.

  “There will be a nice patio back there,” he said, pointing to a huge backyard. “And maybe a pool. What do you think? Would Char like that?”

  I frowned, wondering why it would matter to my daughter. “Well, she does love to swim, but—”

  “Come on,” he said, tugging on my hand. “There’s lots more to see.” He led me down a hall toward three bedroom, two of which shared a bathroom. “I’m thinking about an addition on the other side of the house, a master suite. My only concern is the nursery.”

  “The nursery?” I asked, shaking my head. “What nursery?”

  He just smiled, pointing into one of the rooms. “This one is the largest room, so Char should probably get dibs on this one, don’t you think?”

  I felt like I was missing something. “Uh, Gabe,” I said, releasing his hand. “What are you talking about?”

  “I want this to be our home. Yours, mine, and Char’s.” He chuckled. “And of course we can’t forget Poncho.”

  I rubbed my forehead, sure there were deep creases of confusion. “This is all happening way too fast. I thought we agreed last night to take this one day at a time, see where we end up.”