Starting Over Read online

  He thought of all the texts she’d sent, practically begging him to come home, telling him it was the perfect time to conceive the baby she so desperately wanted. He put her off with an apology and a dozen roses, promising to make it his top priority next month, but next month never came. He feared he’d run out of chances.

  “Can you give us a few minutes?” Eve asked, looking up at Dan.

  Dan brushed her tears away with the pads of his thumbs, and Alex sucked in a breath at their intimacy. In his worst nightmares, he’d never imagined he’d have to watch another man express his love for the woman who’d promised her love to him… forever. That’s how long Eve had promised to love him on their wedding day, and she was reneging on that promise. He couldn’t even claim she was to blame.

  “Are you sure you want to do this now?” Dan asked quietly. “We just lost Sharon. Why don’t you give yourself a little time—”

  “Now is the time. We need to talk now.”

  Alex’s stomach clenched, fear erupting into full-blown panic. Oh God, is she going to ask me for a divorce? Is she going to tell me she doesn’t love me anymore… that she’s in love with him?

  “If you’re sure,” Dan said, glaring at Alex. “Call me if you need me.”

  Alex wanted to reach out to her, but he was afraid of her reaction, terrified her words would stop him in his tracks. “I’m so sorry about your aunt. I would have been here sooner, but—”

  “You don’t have to tell me,” she said, holding up her hand. “Something came up at work. You had to fly to Seattle last minute. I know. Jenny told me when I called your office.”

  He hated himself for allowing his assistant to impart the news that he’d left town. “I’m sorry, Eve. I should have called, but it happened so fast. I needed to be on that plane…” He raked a hand through his hair, wishing his excuses didn’t sound so pathetic. “I hit the ground running as soon as I got to the airport. One meeting after another.”

  “I understand.”

  He knew she didn’t. But why should she? As long as he had a cell phone in his pocket, there was no excuse. “I came as soon as Myra called.” He was ashamed that a call from Sharon’s head housekeeper got him there when his wife’s calls had fallen on deaf ears.

  “She shouldn’t have called you.” Eve leaned against the white pillar and crossed her arms over her slight frame. “I know how busy you are.”

  “I’m never too busy for you. You know that.” He wanted her to believe that. He wanted her to be proud of him. He wanted her to have everything she deserved. Everything he did was for her.

  “Do I?”

  Two little words, yet they said so much. She’d given up hope… on him and their marriage. His mind raced, trying to figure out how he could stop it from happening. How could he keep his world from falling apart?

  “You should probably go,” she whispered when he didn’t respond.

  “What?” He stepped closer, praying with everything in him that she would do the same. “I don’t want to go, Eve. This is where I need to be. Here. With you.”

  “Why?”

  He stared into her emerald green eyes, hoping to see a hint of the inexplicable connection they’d once shared. When had they lost that, and why couldn’t he remember the exact moment when she stopped looking at him as though he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with?

  “I want to be here because…” You’re my life. That’s what he should have said—it was what he wanted to say—but she looked so fragile. He couldn’t risk upsetting her more, forcing her to make a life-altering decision while she was still reeling from the loss of her aunt. “You’re my wife. Where else would I be?”

  Closing her eyes, she drew a deep breath. “I don’t know. Nothing makes sense anymore. My aunt is gone. That’s the only thing I can think about right now.”

  He wanted to tell her he loved her, but he didn’t know if he still had the right. A man who loved his wife would have dropped everything to be by her side and help her deal with losing someone she loved so much. The only word he could think of was one he should have said months, perhaps years, ago. “I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes snapped open, locking with his. She looked surprised. “Thank you.”

  She’d assumed he was offering his condolences about Sharon’s passing. Sharon was a remarkable woman, and he had a great deal of respect for her, but his apology ran so much deeper. He was trying to apply balm to the gaping wounds that threatened to tear his marriage and his life apart. He’d wanted to beg her to come home since she left, but he knew she would never forgive herself if she wasn’t there for her aunt when Sharon needed her the most. Since he was no stranger to regret, he hadn’t forced her to make an impossible choice.

  “Um, why don’t I grab my stuff from the car? Then we can talk, if you still feel like it?” He’d thought it was too presumptuous to bring his suitcase in until they’d had a chance to talk, but after witnessing the exchange between his wife and the inn manager, he wouldn’t leave until Eve kicked him out.

  “Do we have anything left to talk about, Alex?”

  He scanned her face, hoping she would retract the question when she saw how much it hurt him. “Of course we do. When you’re ready. I know now’s not the time to talk about… us. We have to think about your aunt and the best way to honor her memory. If you want me to handle the arrangements—”

  “No, I’ll take care of it. I owe it to her.”

  He wanted to help her, to let her know she wasn’t alone. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No.” She watched a blue sedan pull up the winding gravel drive.

  No doubt a neighbor who’d heard the news and come to pay their respects. Alex knew the house would soon be flooded with people who loved Sharon. They had been a part of Eve’s life since she was a child, yet they would view him as a stranger. He was just the man who took her away from the people who loved her. Alex was on Dan’s turf; they were his people.

  “There’s nothing anyone can do.” Eve looked him in the eye, catching him off guard with the intensity of her stare. “It’s too late.”

  He wanted to ask her what she meant, but fear paralyzed him. He watched her walk down the path to greet her guests, and he couldn’t even bring himself to grab her wrist and haul her in for a hug. Had they really grown that far apart?

  ***

  Eve felt as if she was in a fog as late afternoon slipped into evening. Neighbors and friends came and went, offering words of love and support, but she could barely focus on their condolences. Her husband was rarely more than a few feet away. She wanted to believe he was being attentive because he cared, but she suspected it had more to do with Dan. He was jealous that another man was showing interest in his wife, and he was intent on staking his claim.

  It broke her heart to realize she’d been reduced to another possession in his mind, but she couldn’t continue to deny the obvious. Alex hadn’t even touched her since he’d arrived. She’d almost leaned into him half a dozen times, lured by the familiarity of his scent that reminded her of when he’d belonged to her and she to him, body and soul. Dan stood beside her, his hand on the small of her back serving as a reminder that her husband should be at her side.

  “Thanks for being here,” she said to the elderly next door neighbor. She’d played with his granddaughter when they were kids and swapped stories with her about their boyfriends when they were teens.

  Each and every person in the room meant something to her, but the person who meant the most seemed the furthest away, and she was losing hope that she would ever get him back. The part of her that had been holding on to the notion that her marriage was still worth fighting for was slowly and painfully slipping away. Alex was there in body, but his heart was obviously back home.

  “You should eat something,” Dan said, reaching for a plate from the buffet table.

  So many people had come bearing food when they heard about her aunt’s passing that the staff set up a buffet table in the dining are
a. Eve just wanted to retreat to her childhood bedroom, lock the door, and cry her eyes out, but those people loved her aunt too. They deserved the opportunity to mourn her and celebrate her life. Of course, the formal service would be in a few days, but everyone was reeling from the loss. Sharing their sadness with others who felt the same way provided some comfort.

  “I can’t eat anything,” Eve said when she realized Dan was filling her plate with food. “Thank you though.” He was always lending his support when she needed it and even when she didn’t. She knew he was trying to help the only way he knew how.

  “You have to try, Evie,” he said, sighing. “The next few days are going to be brutal. You need to keep your strength up.”

  Eve watched her husband work the room, talking to people he’d never met as though he’d known them forever. The townspeople clearly thought she was a lucky lady to have landed such a handsome, successful, charismatic man. She’d once thought so too. She wasn’t so sure anymore.

  Following her gaze, Dan narrowed his eyes at her husband. “He’s a piece of work, isn’t he? That guy missed his calling. He should’ve gone into politics.”

  It was no secret Dan thought Alex was too slick to be trusted, but those who knew Alex well knew that he was genuine. He sincerely liked and cared about people. Except for me. Eve swallowed the lump in her throat. He stopped caring about me a long time ago.

  Alex caught her eye, smiling. When she didn’t return the gesture, he excused himself from his conversation with the local police chief and made his way toward her. “How are you holding up, Eve?” He cupped her shoulder.

  It was the first time he’d touched her in months, and she was both relieved and mortified his casual caress affected her so deeply. A shudder moved through her, and she knew he felt it when his full mouth tipped up at the corners.

  He was still the most gorgeous man she’d ever met, and he took her breath away the same way he did when she’d first spotted him at a frat party. She was dating one of his fraternity brothers, but he didn’t seem to mind the competition. He made his interest in her known, and he pursued her relentlessly until she finally agreed to go out with him. She thought he was like every other guy she’d met—charming until he got what he wanted—but she soon realized Alex was the real deal. He’d always treated her as though he couldn’t live without her… until recently. The only thing he couldn’t live without anymore was the company that bore his last name.

  “Do you really care how she’s doing?” Dan asked Alex.

  The tension between the two men was swelling to dangerous levels, and Eve hoped no one else noticed the exchange. In their small town, gossip spread quickly, and she didn’t want people assuming she was the point of contention in a love triangle.

  “Why don’t you find something else to do?” Alex said, stepping closer. “I can take care of my wife.”

  “Yeah, you’ve been doing a great job so far.” Dan handed Eve the plate of food she didn’t want. “Where were you when she really needed you? She’s been going through hell watching her aunt slip away, and your only concern was how you were going to make your next million. You make me sick.”

  Eve subtly positioned her body between the two men, hoping that would be enough to diffuse the situation.

  “You don’t know anything about my life,” Alex said between clenched teeth, obviously trying to keep his voice down. “How dare you—”

  Eve set the plate on the table. “Can we take a walk, Alex? I need a breath of fresh air.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” he said, grabbing her hand. They remained silent until they got outside. Then Alex said, “I’m sorry about that. He just… gets to me.”

  “He always has.” Eve thought about the first time she’d brought Alex home to meet her aunt. Dan was working for Sharon as a groundskeeper, and he’d clearly despised Alex from the first time he set eyes on him.

  “Because he has a thing for you.” Releasing her hand, Alex shoved it in his pocket instead. “But it’s more than that now, isn’t it?”

  She could have sworn she heard a trace of insecurity in his voice, but that wasn’t possible. Alex was the most confident man she knew. “What are you asking me?”

  “He’s in love with you. What I need to know…” He swore softly as he kicked a pebble. “Do you feel the same way about him?”

  Eve was too stunned to respond. They’d been married ten years, and she’d always been faithful to him, even when it felt as though they were merely sharing a house.

  “Damn it, just say something,” he said through his teeth. “Not knowing how you feel about him is killing me.”

  “Dan’s my friend,” she said, touching Alex’s arm. She’d never seen him stripped bare like that. Vulnerable wasn’t a term she’d ever used to describe her husband, yet that’s how he seemed. As if he needed her reassurance to set his world right. But if that reassurance involved the promise of going back to a lifestyle that sounded like a fate worse than death, she couldn’t reassure him.

  Boring dinner parties, endless days and nights of staring at the same white walls, charitable organizations that didn’t fuel her passion for helping people... Her life had become a shell, devoid of meaning, and she didn’t know if she could ever go back. No matter how much she loved her husband, she had to learn to love herself again. She could only do that if she got reacquainted with the woman she was before she became Mrs. Alex Bolton.

  The past months had been about caring for her aunt—and she wouldn’t have changed that for anything—but Sharon was gone, and her last wish was for her niece to find happiness again. Even if Eve didn’t have the will to seek joy for herself, she owed it to Sharon to try.

  “It looked like a lot more than that to me.”

  Eve resented the bitterness in his voice. “You have no right to judge my friendships.” The worst day of her life seemed as if it would never end, and it was going from bad to worse. She’d lost her aunt and she’d realized it was time to end her marriage. She must have done something dreadful in a past life if Karma was so determined to make sure she got hers.

  “I’m your husband. I’d say that gives me some rights.”

  His voice trembled—she assumed he was angry. She’d never known him to show fear. “In name only.”

  He stepped back, his face a mask of indifference. “Is that really how you feel? Are you trying to tell me this marriage is over?”

  She wished he wasn’t looking at her as though he expected her to deny it. They’d grown so far apart. He had to know their divorce was inevitable. She tried to tell herself her broken heart would mend eventually. She would never get over losing her aunt and her husband, but time would lessen the ache. Every day would get easier, until eventually she could think of them and remember all of the good times. “We both know it is.”

  “Do you think I would have come all this way if I believed you’d already written me off?” His voice was broken, like her spirit. “I came here for you, because you needed me.”

  She did need him, but she couldn’t let herself admit that since he would be on the first plane back to New York in the morning. “It’s time we stop hurting each other and admit the truth.”

  “When you left, I thought it was because Sharon needed you. As far as I knew, we were still trying to have a baby,” he said, lowering his voice when one of the inn’s employees stepped out on the back porch for a cigarette. As soon as the young employee spotted them, he walked quickly in the opposite direction.

  “You didn’t even want to try…” Sighing, she decided to surrender. She was too tired to re-hash the past. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this tonight. I’m tired. I just want to go to bed.”

  “Eve, wait,” he said, reaching for her hand. “We need to talk about this. You can’t just throw away ten years on a whim.”

  “Believe me, I’ve given this a lot of thought.” As painful as it was to admit, she knew it was time to end her marriage. “It’s time for us to go our separate ways, Alex.”

  Chap
ter Three

  Alex tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable spot in the king-sized bed that felt too empty without Eve. When the desk clerk had given him a room key, Alex assumed it was a key to his wife’s room. He quickly realized he wasn’t sharing Eve’s suite. He didn’t know if she had instructed the clerk to give him his own room or if Dan was responsible, but Alex needed to find out. Eve’s words replayed in his mind. She wanted to end their marriage. Just thinking about it made his heart sink. She was his world. The thought of letting her go…

  He decided he would be a fool to accept her decision without pleading his case. He knew she’d already made up her mind, but his gut told him a part of her still loved him. At least that’s what he told himself when he jumped out of bed, walked down the hall, and turned a worn brass doorknob. He didn’t bother knocking.

  Eve’s eyes flew open when she heard him close the door. “What are you doing in here?” She sat up in bed as the crisp white sheet fell to her waist, revealing a white eyelet nightgown with thin straps. The bedside lamp was still on and an open book lay on the pillow beside hers.

  The spot that rightfully belonged to him. “You still fall asleep with a good book,” he said, trying to remind her that he knew her so well.

  “I used to try to wait up for you,” she said, reaching for the book. “But you’d always come home after I was asleep.” She closed it and held it against her chest like a shield.

  He knew she was referring to the times she’d waited up to conceive the baby she believed would complete their lives. He hadn’t told her he had reservations about getting pregnant. Instead, he’d taken the coward’s way out, getting drawn into work or meetings that stretched well into the night. He walked toward the bed, holding his breath as he waited to see if she would ask him to leave. He gently set her book aside and claimed the spot beside her. “I’m so sorry.”