Payback (Summer Rush #6) Read online

  “Mind if I cut in?” It wasn’t a question and they both knew it. He was cutting in whether this guy liked it or not.

  “Uh, sure.” He took a step back. “I guess I should head out, Bella. Early morning and all.”

  “Sure, no problem.” She smiled. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  Loran watched him walk away until Bella grabbed him and pulled him in. “I thought you wanted to dance.”

  “I can’t believe that guy just left you here. With me.” He wrapped his arms around her… for the first time in fourteen long months and it felt incredible. “He must be stupider than he looks.”

  “He’s not stupid,” she said, raising her chin defiantly. “In fact, he’s very smart. He’s in line for a big promotion at work and—”

  “Don’t care.” He grazed her lips with his, startling her.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” she asked, her entire body stiffening as she dug her nails into his biceps.

  “I think,” he said, letting his eyes travel over her face before resting on her eyes. “I’m letting you know I want to kiss you.”

  She appeared dumbfounded before she said, “Well, you can’t.”

  “Fair enough.” His lips twitched before he said, “But you should probably know I’m the kind of guy who acts first and begs forgiveness later.”

  “You don’t think I know that already?”

  It was obvious they were both thinking about the night in that Vegas hotel. The night that marked the end of what could have been the most meaningful relationship of his life.

  “I make stupid mistakes sometimes, Bella. I’m only human. And I was reeling when I found you in that bar, chatting up that guy. You just…” Rocked my world. “Made me question everything I thought I knew. I’d always been in control with women. With you I wasn’t.”

  “I wasn’t in control either,” she said softly, staring at his chest. “I wanted to be, but I wasn’t. That’s why I had to leave your room instead of spending the night. I panicked.”

  Finally they were getting somewhere. “Why did you panic?”

  She looked up at him before closing her eyes as though she couldn’t stand to face the truth. “I couldn’t make sense of what happened between us, what I was feeling for you. What happened between us in that hotel room was… intense. At least for me. I knew you’d probably had hundreds of nights just like that, but for me it was… special.”

  “I’ve never had another night like that with anyone.” His voice was low as they moved in unison, just like they had that night. It was like his body was made for hers and vice versa, they were so in sync. “Before or since.”

  “Have there, uh, been a lot of women since?”

  He winced at the question but vowed he’d never lie to her, no matter how hard it was to tell the truth. “A few.”

  She nodded, like that was the answer she’d been expecting.

  “But not a single one of them helped erase the memory of you, Bella. Not even for a second.”

  She tipped her head back, looking him in the eye. “I want to believe you, but I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re… me.”

  “What?”

  “All my life I’ve been afraid to commit. So have you.”

  “I haven’t been afraid. I just haven’t found anyone worthy of committing to, until now.”

  “You can’t say that,” she said, shaking her head. “We don’t even know each other.”

  “We spoke every day for weeks before Vegas. That’s a hell of lot longer than I talk to most women before we have sex.” He knew he’d just stepped in it when she glared at him. “But it’s not just about getting to know you. It’s how well I’ve gotten to know myself because of you.”

  “I’m not following.”

  He hated that they were surrounded by people. He wanted to have this conversation in private, where he could hear himself think. “Did you drive here tonight?”

  “No, I was planning to Uber.”

  “Let me take you home. I have a car and driver waiting. It’ll give us a chance to talk.”

  She looked around as though she was weighing her options before she said, “Okay, just let me say goodnight.”

  Chapter Two

  Loran walked Bella to the table and said goodnight to Ethan and Grace. The rest of their party had either left or were dancing, so they waved to those remaining before making their way to the door.

  He raised a hand to get their driver’s attention and put his arm around Bella’s waist while the limo pulled up to the curb. He opened the door for her before the driver could jump out and watch her climb in. She was wearing a short black dress and he wasn’t ashamed to admit he took full advantage, letting his eyes trail all over her body while her back was turned.

  Once she’d given the driver her address, Loran raised the privacy glass and said, “Back to what I was saying inside—”

  “Uh huh?” She crossed and uncrossed her legs, clearly trying not to fidget. “What about it?”

  “I’ve gotten to know myself better since what happened between us.”

  “Okay. What does that mean?”

  “I never gave much thought to relationships until I met you. I was happy just letting life happen. Outside of my career I never made any plans or worked hard at anything.” It wasn’t easy to admit he was a bit of a slacker, but he hoped it would help her understand him better.

  “Sorry, I can’t relate,” she said, crossing her arms. “I’ve busted my ass to build my business and get where I am.”

  “Yet you walked away from it all because being close to your family meant more to you than financial security.” And he admired her even more because of that. Her family was tight, so tight that her parents spent eight months of the year in Kansas City too, so they could be close to their grandchildren and help Grace when Ethan wasn’t around.

  “I had financial security,” she corrected. “That gave me the freedom to try something new.” She was looking out the window as she said, “I take my reputation with me wherever I go and in my business that’s the only thing that really matters. I travel to work with most of my clients so they don’t care where my home base is.”

  He was used to dating women with jobs, not careers, who were hoping to bag a ballplayer so they’d never have to worry about money again. Hearing Bella talk about how much she loved her career was one of the things that had drawn him to her.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, curling her hands around the outside of her thighs.

  “I respect and admire you. All that you’ve accomplished is impressive.”

  “Thanks.”

  He took a risk, reaching for her hand. “I’ll admit I never spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of woman who’d make me happy. But then I met you and it all became clear to me. That’s what I meant when I said I got to know myself better… because of you. Now I know what I want. I didn’t before.”

  “Okay, I’ll bite,” she said, looking wary. “What do you want?”

  “A family.” He let that sink in before he added, “I want what Ethan and Grace have. To be married to my best friend, to have kids and—”

  “Whoa!” She inched back on the leather seat and threw her hand up. “Where the hell is all this coming from? I’ve never heard you talk about marriage or kids or commitment or—”

  “You’re hearing it now.” His voice softened when he said, “I’d have told you months ago if you’d given me the chance.”

  She shook her head in disbelief. “No, you’re saying what you think I want to hear. But you’re wrong. I don’t.”

  He ignored her claim, determined to share his heart with her. Even if it meant he would be rejected. “When you and I were first getting to know each other I didn’t talk to you about stuff like that because, honestly, I wasn’t ready for it. It’s only been the past year, watching what Ethan and Grace have, while missing you that I finally figured it out.”

  She closed her eyes.
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this right now. You know your timing really sucks, don’t you?”

  “Because of your friend?” He refused to call the engineer Bella’s boyfriend. He didn’t believe for a second he was.

  “He’s a good guy, Loran. I know you don’t want to hear that, but he is.”

  He shrugged, letting her know the other man was of little consequence to him. It would take a hell of a lot more than that to get in his way, especially now that Bella was willing to give him the one thing most precious to him: her time.

  “He may be. But I’m sure you’ve met plenty of nice guys who did nothing for you.” He pressed when she refused to respond. “Am I right?”

  “Well, yeah. But I’m older, more mature now. I can’t keep discounting the nice guys just because they don’t…”

  Their eyes met and Loran smiled. “Go on, say it.”

  She cleared her throat and looked away. “Just because they don’t…” She groaned, throwing her hands up in the air. “I don’t know!”

  “Yes, you do.” He knew challenging her was the only way to make headway.

  “Make me want to tear their clothes off.” She bit her lip, letting her gaze travel over his chest. “Is that what you wanted me to say?”

  “All I want from you is the truth.” He leaned forward, linking his hand loosely with hers. “You were always real with me. I loved that about you. Don’t stop being real with me.” He kissed her fingertips, turning her hand over to press his lips to her palm when she shuddered. “Tell me what you’re thinking right now. The truth.”

  “That I need to make a phone call when I get home,” she said, sounding breathless.

  “To who?” Like he didn’t know.

  “Jeff.”

  He nodded. “What are you going to tell him?” Tell him I’m the only man you’ll ever want.

  “That I need time to sort some things out.”

  “What things?” He knew it was stupid to push when he was finally getting somewhere with her, but subtlety had never gotten him what he wanted.

  “You and me… I’m confused.”

  At least she was finally willing to admit it wasn’t as cut and dried and she’d pretended.

  He moved to the seat next to her, draping his arm loosely around her shoulders as he pulled her back against his chest. She didn’t resist, which felt like a gold medal victory to him after so many months of dealing with her anger and resistance.

  “It’s okay to be confused,” he said, brushing his lips against her temple. “It took me a while to sort my feelings out too. But now I’m clear about what I want, Bella. Clear enough for both of us. And if it takes you a while to get there, that’s okay too.” Now that they were living in the same city he could afford to be magnanimous.

  “I thought I was clear,” she said, sounding frustrated. “Before I walked into that bar tonight I knew I didn’t want you.”

  “And now?” He held his breath, waiting for the only answer his heart would allow him to believe.

  “I just told you I’m confused, didn’t I?”

  “There’s one thing you’re not confused about.” He trailed his hand over her bare leg while his lips traced her neck. “You want me as much as I want you.”

  “I can’t sleep with you,” she said, sounding panicked.

  “I’m not asking you to.” Having her back in his arms was enough, for now.

  She tipped her head back. “You mean you don’t want to sleep with me?”

  He chuckled. “Of course I want to, sweetheart. But I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Why wouldn’t you be willing to wait, right? It’s not like you’d be waiting it out all alone.”

  “You want me to tell you I won’t sleep with anyone else while you’re making up your mind? Done.” She didn’t need to know it had been months since he’d been with someone else. Let her think he was making a supreme sacrifice for her.

  “Yeah right.” She laughed. “Like I believe you’d take a vow of celibacy for me.”

  “I’d do anything for you.” He let those words seep in, not only to her brain, but to her heart. “Anything.”

  She swallowed as her eyes glistened with emotion. “You can’t say things like that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I might be tempted to believe it.”

  He smiled, leaning in to brush his lips against hers. It was barely a kiss, yet it shook him to his core because it was Bella. The one woman he never thought he’d have the right to kiss again.

  “Believe it.” He cradled her beautiful face in his palm. “Believe in me. Forget about the past. Let’s start over.” It might be too much to ask for, but he hadn’t gotten where he was without putting himself out there and risking rejection.

  “Start over.” She repeated the words as though hearing them for the first time. “As friends?”

  “Sure.” It was a start. They’d started out as friends and maybe, just maybe, it could be the foundation they built their forever on.

  “Maybe I could do that,” she said, sounding thoughtful.

  ***

  Bella knew it was a mistake to invite Loran in for a nightcap, yet here he was, invading every inch of her small house as he made himself at home on the white sectional in her living room.

  “Will you design a house for me?”

  Bella almost spit her wine at him. “Excuse me?”

  “Now that the off-season is here, I need a project. Can’t think of anything better than designing my dream home with the most talented architect I know.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m the only architect you know.” Not that any architect in the city wouldn’t be falling all over themselves to design a house for him. It could put her new business on the map in this city, and she suspected he knew it.

  He smirked. “So, what do you say? You in?”

  She had a few other projects on the go, but that wouldn’t prevent her from taking on another, especially since it was local and Loran had a flexible schedule for the next several months. “I’m not sure it would be a good idea for us to work together.”

  “What if I promise to be on my best behaviour?” he asked, looking at her over the rim of his glass.

  She recognized a challenge when she heard one and he knew she wasn’t one to back down. “Is this because you want to be my… friend?” She knew he wanted a hell of a lot more than that, but she couldn’t begin to examine that yet. She was still trying to process everything that had happened between them in the past few hours.

  “It’s because I love this city and I’m finally ready to put down roots. Even if I get traded, this is the place I want to come back to at the end of my career.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re here, for starters.”

  Her heart raced every time he said something like that and judging by his smug smile he damn well knew it. “Nice try.”

  “Why won’t you believe me when I tell you…” He reached for her hand and placed it on his chest. Covering his heart. “That you own me?”

  She owned him? It felt like the other way around. She’d forced herself to spend time with other men, even to be intimate with Jeff, but Loran was always right there, coming between them.

  “Why do I get the feeling you’ve used that line before?” she asked, extracting her hand from his. She had to keep this light if she had a prayer of keeping him out of her bedroom tonight.

  “Never.” He looked so serious, like he was begging her to believe him. “Everywhere I go, you’re there.”

  I know the feeling.

  “Every woman I’ve slept with since we met—”

  “Don’t.” She shook her head firmly. She did not want to hear about his sexual conquests.

  “Is you,” he whispered. “I close my eyes and pretend it’s you. That’s what I’m chanting in my head… every goddamn time I let myself go there. Bella.”

  The way he said her name made it sound like a curse and a prayer. She
could relate. She didn’t want him to have this hold over her, yet he did, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

  “Now try telling me it hasn’t been the same for you.”

  “I haven’t slept with any other women,” she teased, enjoying the flicker of light in his eyes as he shook his head.

  “You know what I meant. Tell me you haven’t thought about me when you were with him.”

  “How do you know I slept with Jeff?”

  He looked hopeful. “You mean you haven’t? Even better.”

  “I have.” She didn’t know why she was confiding in him. He had no right to know, but that’s the way it had always been with him. He made her open up, whether she wanted to or not.

  “Son of a—”

  “You have no right to be angry,” she reminded him. “You’ve been with other people too. Dozens, I’m guessing.”

  “You think I don’t know I don’t have the right to be pissed off?” he demanded. “That’s what pisses me off!” He slammed his glass down on the table and started pacing. “If I hadn’t gone off on you in that Vegas hotel we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We’d have been together long enough to be planning our wedding by now!”

  Her jaw dropped. “Our wedding?”

  “Yeah, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about being married to me.”

  “I haven’t.” Much.

  “The point is, you slept with someone else, because I left the door open for that to happen. And I hate myself for that.”

  When she found out Loran would be at the bar tonight she was afraid of what might happen. She didn’t trust herself, so she invited Jeff as a buffer. Yet they were still in the place she feared the most… confronting the truth. Their feelings for each other. Feelings she didn’t know how to process, much less acknowledge.

  “The timing wasn’t right,” she said, forcing herself to believe that was true. “You weren’t ready for anything serious when we met. Neither was I.”

  “And now?”

  There was no way to answer his question without lying to him or admitting the truth to herself. “I don’t know.”

  “You’ve been wasting time with the engineer. You wouldn’t have been doing that if you weren’t ready for a real relationship.”