Rough Terrain (Vista Falls #1) Page 4

“Wes, please.” She closed her eyes when they started burning, a surefire sign that tears were going to start flowing whether she wanted them to or not. “You have to stop thinking of him as our son. He’s not. He’s someone else’s son.”

  “Have you seen him? Heard from him?”

  She shook her head, curling her hands around the railing and pulling her body away as though she was afraid to hold on too tight yet afraid to let go at the same time. Her life had always been like that. It had started as a tug-of-war between her family and the man she loved, and now it was a tug-of-war between her head and heart. Her head told her she had no right to get to know the baby she’d given away, but her heart desperately wanted to see him just one more time.

  “Have you ever thought about reaching out to him?” Wes asked.

  “Every day.” She’d admitted that in her book, but she’d never said it to another person.

  “Then why haven’t you?”

  She shrugged, fighting back the blinding tears that were making it difficult to see the swirling water below. “I don’t think I have the right. If he wanted to, he could reach out to me, to us. Since he hasn’t, I have to assume he doesn’t want us in his life.”

  “Maybe he thinks it’s the other way around, that we don’t want him in ours. We were the ones who gave him up, remember.”

  “How could I forget?”

  “You said in your book that you wished you could have kept him. That you’d have given anything if things could have been different.” He sighed. “I feel the same way. Even if you didn’t feel you could raise him, I should have stepped up. I may have made a lot of mistakes with him being on my own, but at least I wouldn’t have had to live with this goddamn ache in my chest every day.” He hung his head.

  She swore she could feel his ache in her chest as she touched his back, wishing she could absorb some of his pain. “I’m not going to tell you to let it go again, because people have been telling me that for years, and I can’t tell you how much I resent it. I’ll never be able to let it go.”

  “Neither will I.” He raised his sunglasses, letting her see the sheen of tears in his eyes. “That’s why I need to see him. I just need to know that he’s okay. That he knows we only gave him up because we love him and want the best for him.”

  She didn’t know how to respond. Should she try to dissuade him or encourage him to do what he felt he had to do?

  “Will you come with me to see him?” At her shocked expression, he added, “After I find out where he is and make sure he’s willing to talk to us.”

  “I don’t know if I can.” Walking away from her son once had nearly destroyed her. She didn’t know if she had it in her to do it a second time. That was why, fifteen years ago, she had refused his adoptive parents’ offer of annual photos and occasional visits.

  “I’ll be honest,” he said, releasing a shaky breath. “I’m kind of afraid to do it alone.”

  That was the only thing that could have made her smile in that moment. The Wes Davis she remembered had never been afraid of a damn thing, except maybe the threats her father had made against his family. Her smile fell as she thought of that. Even though her father’s health was failing and she knew she shouldn’t hold a grudge, she’d never gotten over the way he had treated Wes and his family as though they were second-class citizens because they hadn’t been born with a silver spoon.

  “What made you smile?” he asked, looking confused.

  “Nothing.” Dredging up the past wouldn’t help them decide what to do about meeting their son. “Can I think about it, Wes? There’s a lot to consider, and I wouldn’t want to make a mistake. Not about this. It’s too important.”

  He nodded. “I understand. Just know that I feel I have to do this. I have to find him, hopefully see him, talk to him, maybe even try to make him understand why we did what we did. I can’t rest until I do.”

  “I understand.”

  “But if you don’t feel you can go with me, I get that. Maybe if you want to write him a letter or something, I can take it with me to give to him. At least then he would know how you feel.”

  She was touched by the offer and grateful that he’d given her the opportunity to speak to their son in her own words even though she wasn’t sure she was brave enough to do it face to face. “Thanks. I just might do that.”

  “Okay then. I guess you have to get back, huh?”

  Standing so close to him without feeling free to reach out and touch him felt so unnatural. But Sage knew one touch would never be enough. Wes had always been like a drug for her. One kiss and she craved another until it was all she could think about.

  “Yeah.” She turned to walk back up the slight hill, savoring the feel of his hand on her lower back, making sure she was steady as she traversed the incline in bare feet.

  “I’ll take the truck, by the way.”

  She hadn’t given the truck a second thought since he’d mentioned their son. “Oh, uh, okay.” She could have really used the sale this month, but she didn’t want him to take pity on her. “Don’t you want me to go over some of the features with you?”

  “It’s okay. It’s pretty much the same as the one I’m driving now.”

  “Okay.” She should have been grateful they were talking business, but it felt wrong when she still had so many unanswered questions about the life he’d been living since he left. “Do you want to trade yours in?”

  “No, that’s okay. My brother said he could use another truck for the inn. I think I’ll just give it to him.”

  Wes’s younger brother had recently bought the inn he’d been working at since he was a teenager, and from everything she’d heard, business was booming. Sage thought it was nice Wes still wanted to help his kid brother out if he could though. She wondered if he’d loaned him the money to buy the inn, but she had no right to ask.

  “I heard you two went out to dinner a while back.” Wes slipped his sunglasses back in place before turning on the outdoor tap so Sage could rinse her feet before she got back in the truck. “How’d that happen?”

  Sage wasn’t sure Rush would have mentioned that to Wes, but since someone had, she had no choice but to answer. “Um, it was no big deal really. He was in Gabby’s flower shop, buying a bouquet for your mom’s birthday, and asked me if I’d like to grab dinner sometime.”

  “Huh.” He opened the passenger’s door, his expression inscrutable.

  She thought about climbing into the truck and letting the conversation die, but she knew if Wes had gone out with someone close to her, she would have craved details. “Nothing happened, Wes. I swear. By the time they served the appetizers, we recognized it for what it was—two old friends catching up. Both of us knew it wouldn’t go any further.”

  He seemed to be holding his breath when he asked, “Why?”

  “Because he loves you and so did I.” A part of her feared she would always love Wes, but she would never admit as much. “In fact, we spent a lot of time talking about you. Not about your life now,” she quickly amended. “But about things that happened back in the day.”

  He frowned. “You didn’t want to know what I was doing now or how I was doing?”

  She bit her lip, wondering how much she should admit. “I know it seems crazy, but I asked Rush not to tell me. If you were married or had kids, I didn’t want to know.”

  He braced his hand on the doorframe above her head, and this time, it was Sage who couldn’t breathe. “It doesn’t sound crazy. It would have killed me to know you’d moved on with someone else. I told myself that I wanted you to be happy, but every time I thought of you married to someone else, having someone else’s baby, I just wanted to haul out my gun and—”

  She gasped before she caught his smile.

  “You know I’ve always been a hunter, Sage. When I need to blow off a little steam, I still take to the woods.”

  “Right.”

  She should have known he was talking about hunting. Even though he’d been in his fair share of scraps grow
ing up, he’d never intentionally hurt someone. Hell, he was even a humane hunter, claiming he’d never take down an animal that didn’t stand a chance.

  He chuckled, gesturing to the seat of the truck. “Come on, let’s get you back. I’ve got a fair share of work waiting on me back at the office and a partner who’s probably about ready to take my head off by now.”

  ***

  Gabby looked disappointed when Sage walked back into the dealership alone. “What happened? Things didn’t go well?”

  Sage smiled at Amy, their longtime receptionist. Apparently Gabby had hung around just to pump Sage for information about her time with Wes. She headed into her office, not at all surprised when Gabby followed and closed the door.

  “It went fine,” Sage assured her. “He’s going to buy the truck. In fact, he said he’ll drop the check off tomorrow.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it,” Gabby said, pouting. “Come on, girl. Why are you holding out on me? I thought we told each other everything.”

  “He wants to find our son,” she said softly, diverting her gaze as she sank into her leather swivel chair. “And he asked me to go with him when he meets him.”

  “Oh, God. How do you feel about that?” Gabby sat on the edge of the guest chair across from her friend. “Don’t let him pressure you into anything, honey. If you don’t think you can do it, just tell him. I know he’ll understand.”

  “I told him I wasn’t sure, that I’d have to think about it.” She slipped the one and only photograph she had of her son out of her desk drawer. She wouldn’t have had it if Gabby hadn’t snapped it in the hour Sage shared with him after labor, thinking Sage might want it someday.

  “So what do you think you’re going to do?”

  Sage took the lid off the glass container on the edge of her desk. It held their very favorite treat—M&M’s. She offered it to Gabby before taking a handful for herself. “I honestly don’t know.” Since no one knew her better than her best friend, the person who had been there when she’d sobbed uncontrollably as the nurse wheeled her son out of the room, she asked, “What do you think I should do?”

  “I can’t answer that,” Gabby said, wide-eyed as she popped one candy after another into her mouth. “Only you know what’s in your heart, babe. I know you still think about him every day. How could you not, right?”

  “He’s almost fifteen.”

  “I know,” she said with a sad smile. “In high school.”

  “High school. God.” Perching her elbow on her desk, Sage rested her forehead on her palm. “That means girls. He’s probably dating by now. He’s had his first kiss…” It pained her to think of all the firsts they’d missed, all the upcoming firsts they wouldn’t witness as he passed the threshold from boy to man.

  “If you don’t go to meet him and Wes does, won’t you always wonder? You know, what he looks like? What he would have said to you? What you would have said to him?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You know what my daddy always says, girl. It’s not the chances you take that you regret. It’s the ones you don’t take that haunt you.”

  “You’re right.” Sage took a deep breath as she looked at the phone on her desk. “I’m going to call Wes now, before I chicken out.”

  “I’m so proud of you for doing this,” Gabby said, rounding the desk to give her one-armed hug.

  “We’re assuming that he’ll want to see us,” Sage said, her finger hovering over the keypad.

  “What’s wrong?” Gabby asked. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

  “I just realized I don’t even have Wes’s number.”

  “His cell number is the same as it’s always been.”

  “Seriously?” Sage didn’t even have to try to remember it. She felt as if those digits were permanently etched in her memory.

  “Yeah, I guess he didn’t want to change it,” Gabby said, crossing the small room. “Maybe in case you or your son ever wanted to reach out to him.”

  Sage considered that as she dialed the number with trembling fingers, hoping he would answer while at the same time wondering if it would be easier to leave a voicemail message.

  “Hey,” Wes said. “What’s up, Sage?”

  The number at the dealership hadn’t changed over the years either. Knowing that he’d remembered the number made her question all of the other things he remembered. “Um, I’m sorry to bother you. You’re probably back at work, aren’t you?”

  “No worries. I can talk.”

  She heard what sounded like a door closing, filtering out the sound of voices on his end of the line. “I thought about what we talked about, and um, I think I’d like to come with you. Assuming he wants to meet us.” It hurt her heart to acknowledge she didn’t even know the name his adoptive parents had given him.

  “That’s great.” Wes sounded relieved. “I’ll get on this right away, see what I can find out. As soon as I can arrange a meeting, I’ll let you know, okay?”

  “Sure. Sounds good. Thanks.” She hung up before he could say anything more. She was quickly realizing Wes still had the potential to say and do things that turned her well-ordered life upside down.

  Chapter Five

  Wes was still sitting at his desk as he watched the sun dip lower in the sky, warning of impending nightfall. But there was no point in going home. He was too wired to sleep. The possibility of meeting his son within the next few days or weeks was making him crazy excited. Even if the kid just wanted to yell and swear at him, Wes didn’t care. He wanted to see him, talk to him, tell him that he loved him and would always be there for him if he needed anything.

  “Knock, knock,” Gabby said, tapping on Wes’s half-open door. “Is it okay if I come in?”

  “Of course.” Wes closed his laptop before waving her over. “Come on in.” He stood to kiss her cheek before guiding her over to the distressed leather sofa in the corner of the spacious office. “Twice in one day. How’d I get so lucky?”

  Gabby smiled, looking uncharacteristically nervous as she bit her lip while her eyes darted around the room. Her gaze finally landed on a framed photo of him and Colt hanging on the wall, standing on either side of a Grammy-Award-winning singer they’d guided to the catch of his life. “I just wanted to talk to you about Sage. I know she told you she’d go with you to meet your son—”

  “You don’t think that’s a good idea?” Wes asked, leaning back as he crossed his ankle over his knee.

  “It’s not that I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Gabby said slowly, as though she was choosing her words carefully. “Look, you know I love that girl like a sister.”

  “And?”

  “I know she seems strong, like she’s got it all together…”

  “But?” Wes wasn’t used to timid Gabby. He was used to the straight shooter who always said whatever was on her mind, no matter the fallout.

  “This is her Achilles’ heel. You and that boy are her only weaknesses. You need to know that.”

  Wes tried to process that bit of news. Especially since he would have said the very same things about himself, that Sage and their son were his only soft spots. He didn’t want to cause Sage any more pain, especially since he was certain she’d already punished herself enough. “And you’re worried about how she’ll react if he’s angry or hostile toward her?”

  “Don’t tell me you haven’t considered that possibility.” She touched his leg gently. “I’m scared for her. Something like that could really set her back. You weren’t with her the months after the adoption was finalized. She was a wreck. She could barely eat or sleep. She cried all the time. Her parents actually thought about sending her away to some treatment facility to help her deal with the depression.”

  “Of course they would,” Wes said, not even trying to hide his disgust. “That’s how they handle everything. Sweep it under the rug. Make it someone else’s problem so they can go on pretending to be perfect, like nothing ugly ever infiltrates their little world
.”

  “I know how you feel about them,” she said, resting her back against the armrest as she nestled her bent leg between them. “But they do love her, Wes. They’re just misguided. They’ve tried so hard to protect her that they ended up almost ruining her life.”

  “Almost?” he asked, arching a brow as he crossed his arms. “I’d say they’ve done a pretty damn good job of that. She gave her child up because of them. She broke up with me because of them. Hell, she’s not even doing what she loves for a living because of them.”

  “I know it’s easy to blame them for everything that’s gone wrong in Sage’s life, but you need to know that she doesn’t. She was a teenager when she got pregnant with your son. She had no confidence in her ability to provide a good life for him. And as for her parents forcing you out of her life, I seem to recall you walking away without a backward glance as soon as she told you she wanted to go ahead with the adoption.”

  “How the hell was I supposed to react?” Wes asked, feeling defensive. “She didn’t ask me what we should do. She told me what she planned to do, what her parents wanted her to do. I felt like I didn’t even get a say.”

  “You could have refused to sign those papers! I get that you were scared, but you did have a choice.”

  She sighed, shaking her head. “Do you have any idea how much she loved you?” Gabby shook her head. “No, you probably don’t. I’m only telling you this because she never would and I think you need to know. She knew you had big dreams that didn’t include staying in this town, working the land, or getting some factory job like your daddy had.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “She set you free.” Gabby let that sink in before she added, “She knew a wife and kids weren’t in the plan for your immediate future, and she didn’t want to saddle you with a life you didn’t want.”

  “I would have married her.” Wes had even considered how he would propose, whether he would be able to scrape together enough money for a decent ring.

  “I have no doubt you would have because it was the right thing to do. I know you, Wes Davis. You always do the right thing because that’s how your parents raised you. To do right by people. But Sage didn’t want you to feel like she was an obligation. And she didn’t want you to start resenting her or your son because you couldn’t realize the life you’d always dreamed of.”