Burn Out Read online

  “It’s not for me to say, sir.”

  Evan had always been friendly with the old man. He’d even invited him to skip the formalities and call him by his first name, but Charlie was old school and insisted the tenants in his building deserved respect. “I’d really appreciate it if you could give me some clue what she was thinkin’ when she left here.” Realizing he had to ask a stranger what was going on in Erika’s mind these days humbled Evan. There was a time when he could read her mind, finish her sentences, and predict her food choices based on her mood. God, he missed those days.

  “She just said she wanted to hold out for a man who was gonna love her enough to put her first.” He shrugged, looking apologetic. “I’m awful sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear.”

  “You’re right it’s not,” he said, backtracking down the hall towards the elevator. He needed to see her. Now.

  “Mr. Spencer?” Charlie called after him.

  “Yeah?” he asked, turning on his heel and walking backwards. “What is it?”

  The old man smiled. “I wouldn’t give up on her if I were you. It took me a long time to convince my Edith I was the one for her, but it sure was worth the trouble.”

  Evan smiled at the sentiment. “Don’t worry, Charlie. I don’t intend to give up on her. In fact, I’ve only just begun to fight.”

  ***

  Erika was dead on her feet by lunch. The walk-in vaccine clinic was always their busiest day of the year. It was a tradition her father started years ago. One day of the year, they offered annual check-ups and free vaccines for residents on a fixed income, no appointment required. He said it was his way of giving back to the community that had been so good to him, and his daughter was happy to carry on the tradition. Any day other than today.

  Her head was pounding from a hangover, Jeff was breathing down her neck about what happened last night, and she couldn’t get Evan off her mind. What a mess.

  As if she’d conjured him up, Evan appeared. He slipped through the crowd and leaned against the wall beside a filing cabinet, watching her greet a terrified terrier mix. It was difficult to breathe, much less focus on the task at hand, with him staring at her.

  “Oh wow,” whispered the new vet technician. “Would you look at that guy?”

  Erika had enjoyed working with the young woman. Until now. “Can we stay focused, Lynn?” she asked, clenching her teeth. She was used to women hitting on Evan. It hadn’t bothered her when he was her boyfriend because she trusted he would never cheat on her, but now that they were apart, she knew he was fair game and it bothered her more than she was willing to admit.

  “Do you know him?” she whispered, turning her back to Evan. “The way he’s looking at you, it’s like he wants to…”

  Erika shot her a warning glare and smiled sweetly at the little old lady stroking her pet’s head and whispering words of encouragement in his ear. She knew Mrs. Morrison was hard of hearing, but she wasn’t willing to risk it. “Why don’t you go over there and help Dr. Birch? I’m going to take a quick break when I finish with Finn.”

  “Sure, Doc,” she said, peeling her latex gloves off as she sauntered up to Jeff to offer her services.

  “The girl’s right, you know,” Mrs. Morrison said, glancing at Evan over her shoulder. “Your young man is very handsome.”

  “He’s not my-” She wanted to protest further, but the way he was devouring her with his eyes left little doubt in anyone’s mind that they were lovers. “There we go,” she said, offering the dog a small biscuit. “We’re all set, Finn. You were such a good boy,” she said, stroking the dog’s head.

  Mrs. Morrison smiled. “I was so worried when I heard your father was retiring, but you have his gift with animals.” She touched Erika’s hand. “It’s a beautiful thing.”

  “Thank you, ma’am,” Erika said, smiling as she tried to ignore the heat of Evan’s gaze traveling over her body. “That’s sweet of you to say.”

  “My my,” the old woman said, fanning herself. “Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

  Erika felt the blush creep up her neck as she tried to pretend she didn’t know what she was talking about. “Can I get you a glass of water?”

  “No, I’ll be on my way,” she said, nudging Erika’s elbow. “It looks like your young man is anxious to get you alone.”

  Erika crooked a finger at the man in question, giving him little choice but to follow her down the narrow hallway to her small private office. “What’re you doing here-”

  Before she could finish the sentence, he pinned her up against the door, kissing her breathless. Her conscience screamed at her to stop him, but the arms circling his neck pulled him closer.

  He chuckled when he was the one to break the kiss first. “Now that’s what I wanted when I woke up this mornin’.” He dropped kisses along her cheek and jaw as he worked his way to her ear.

  “Stop,” she said, trying to infuse some conviction in to her protest. It wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t be able to reduce her to a quivering, witless mass with little more than his mouth. “We can’t do this. You shouldn’t even be here. I’m busy. I have a waiting room full of people and I’m already exhausted.” She glanced at the wall clock over his shoulder. “Lord help me. It’s not even noon.”

  “You have to eat something. Why don’t I grab your favorite roast beef sandwich from the deli down the street?”

  “No, it’s okay,” she said, even though her mouth watered at the thought. “I don’t have time to eat anyways.”

  He grinned as he slid a finger under her chin. “I see nothin’ has changed. You still get so caught up carin’ for these animals that you forget to take care of yourself.”

  She didn’t want to admit that she felt the loss as soon as he stepped back and began circling back towards her desk. She winced when his eyes landed on the cluttered credenza.

  “I’m surprised you still have this,” he said, picking up a framed photograph of the two of them waterskiing at a friend’s cottage. He stared at the photograph a long time before he looked up at her and smiled.

  Sometimes she let herself forget how gorgeous the man was, but when he hit her with the full force of that bright white smile and those clear blue eyes… How was a woman supposed to resist the temptation to clear her desk and beg him to take her right there?

  As though he could read her mind, he winked and chuckled before moving on to the next framed photo. “You got a dog?”

  Her Bichon Frise, Chloe, was her constant companion. She would never admit it to him, but she’d been desperately lonely and sad after they broke up. A canine buddy seemed the only way to fill the void since she couldn’t bring herself to even consider getting involved with another man.

  “Yeah. Her name is Chloe.” She smiled. “She’s a handful, but I love her.”

  “We always talked about gettin’ a dog, remember?” he asked, lowering his voice.

  She stepped forward to take the picture. “We talked about a lot of things back then. They were just silly little fantasies. We were young, immature…”

  “Don’t do that,” he said, tucking a stray lock of her hair behind her ear. He brushed his thumb across her cheek. “Don’t belittle what we had. It was incredible and you know it.”

  There was no point denying it. They had been incredible together for a long time, until he decided to take a mistress by the name of Titan Records. “I don’t want to talk about the past,” she said, setting the framed photo of her dog in front of the picture of the two of them.

  “Fine, then let’s talk about how amazing last night was.” He moved closer, crowding her between his muscular body and the desk behind her. “You can’t deny it was every bit as mind-blowing as you remember.” He traced a finger up her arm. “I can’t believe I was your last lover, your only lover…” he whispered, grabbing her hips. “I love knowin’ that I’m the only man you’ve ever been with.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” she said, wishing he didn’t wear his arrogan
ce like a sexy second skin. “I’ve been busy with work.”

  He leaned down to brush his lips over hers. “Say what you will, we both know the truth.”

  She was almost afraid to hear his version of the truth, but curiosity overcame common sense, prompting her to ask, “Really? And what’s that?”

  “You can’t imagine sharin’ your body with another man any more than I can imagine lettin’ you.”

  She gripped his bulging biceps to push him away and demand some space, but as soon as she touched him, she was reminded of the raw physical power he’d exhibited last night, poised over her, thrusting into her… She closed her eyes against the memory, praying he couldn’t guess what she was thinking.

  “You’re thinkin’ about it too, aren’t you?” He nipped her bottom lip and she moaned, wanting, needing more. “Are you countin’ down the hours until we can do it again? I know I am.”

  Yes. “No.” Common sense reared its ugly head, beating her raging libido into submission. “This can’t happen again.”

  As though she hadn’t uttered a protest, he continued grazing her neck with his lips, taunting her with the promise of delivering what she wanted if only she found the courage to admit he was the one thing she wanted most.

  “I’m serious, Evan.” She pushed against his shoulders and the look she saw in his eyes… that raw hunger… rendered her legs useless. Leaning against the desk for support, she damned the universe that had put him in her path again. Getting over him the first time had been hard enough; she didn’t know if she had the strength to do it a second time.

  He framed her face with both hands. “I know I hurt you. I was a fool for not seein’ what we had until I’d lost you. But I get it now. I’ll never make that mistake again. I swear to you.”

  She would give anything to believe him, but she’d heard dozens of empty promises from him over the last year of their relationship. He kept promising he would work less, he’d hire someone to share the burden, he’d make more time for her, but their time ran out long before she walked out on him.

  “I can’t do this again,” she said, grabbing his wrists as she tried to pry his hands off of her. “I refuse to do this again. What happened last night never should have happened. I had too much to drink and-”

  “Don’t say that,” he said, rage infusing his voice. “Don’t pretend I was some drunken mistake. We both know you made love to me last night because you needed me as much as I needed you.”

  He was right, the alcohol had nothing to do with her decision to go home with him. “Fine, I wanted you. Are you satisfied?”

  “No,” he said, letting his hands fall to his sides. “But I will be when you admit you’ve never stopped wantin’ me.”

  There was no way she intended to feed his ego with the words he wanted to hear. She still had her pride, and the past year had helped her to become a stronger, more independent woman than she ever was when they were together. She cringed when she thought about the girl who cried herself to sleep because she thought losing him would kill her. It didn’t kill her. She’d survived and she would again. They’d only shared one night, and she would force herself to forget it just like she’d forced herself to forget every other time they’d made love.

  “You need to leave now. I have a waiting room filled with people waiting to see me.”

  “Let me pick you up after work. I’ll take you out for dinner. We can talk about what happened last night, about where we go from here.”

  She thrust her hands into her hair in frustration. “You’re not listening to me. We don’t go anywhere from here. You go back to your life and I go back to mine.”

  “My life is empty without you,” he said quietly, looking her in the eye. “What do I have to do to make you see that?”

  His words hit her like a sucker punch, rendering her speechless. The Evan she knew was rarely weak or vulnerable. He was like a force of nature, brutal in his intensity, terrifying and unstoppable once he’d set his course.

  “I’m sorry.” She truly was sorry. She loved him more than she’d ever loved anyone and his pain still felt like her own. “I never wanted to hurt you. Last night should never have happened.”

  He touched a finger to her mouth, tracing a line over her full bottom lip. “I’m glad it did happen, ‘cause you almost had me convinced.”

  She frowned. “Convinced of what?”

  “That you’d stopped lovin’ me.”

  She sucked in a breath. She’d said that to him shortly after their break-up to force him to back off, but as soon as the words left her lips, she wished she could take them back. The pain she saw in his eyes had haunted her for months afterward. “Evan, please…”

  “It’s okay,” he said, smiling. “You don’t have to say anything. After last night, I know how you feel about me.”

  The truth had been in the way she’d kissed him, the way she responded when he made love to her. “You may think-”

  “We didn’t use protection.”

  She closed her eyes when she realized she hadn’t taken her pill last night. She’d been in such a hurry when she went home to shower and change that she’d forgotten all about it. “Damn it,” she whispered.

  His face lit up as he pulled her close. “You have nothin’ to worry about,” he whispered in her ear. “I’ll always take care of you… and our baby.”

  “Stop!” she said, trying to pretend she wasn’t affected by the conviction in his voice. “I can take care of myself and any children I may or may not have, with you or anyone else.”

  He glared at her as he pulled back to look her in the eye. “I’ll always look after what’s mine, and you don’t even have to entertain the idea of havin’ a baby with another man ‘cause it’s never gonna happen.”

  That was the Evan she remembered: jealous, possessive, a little crazy when he felt he might risk losing her. It was that lethal combination that kept her from breaking up with him half a dozen times.

  “You need to go! Now!” She pointed to the door, half-expecting him to laugh in her face. Evan Spencer didn’t take orders from anyone.

  He took a step back and looked her up and down before he smirked. “I’m leavin’, but I can promise you this isn’t over.”

  Chapter Five

  By the time she was finally able to put her feet up, they were throbbing and she was so tired she could have wept with relief that the day was finally over. She groaned aloud when someone tapped on her door. “Go away,” she muttered.

  Jeff peeked his head in the door. “You want me to go get Chloe for you?”

  “Thanks, but I’ll pick her up in just a minute,” Erika said, hoping he would take the hint and leave. No such luck.

  He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “Are you gonna tell me what the hell happened between you and Spencer last night?”

  Erika was tired, hungry, confused, and concerned about the pill she’d forgotten to take. She was planning to call her doctor’s office before she remembered it was Saturday and they wouldn’t be in until Monday. By then it may be too late. She would simply go to the drug store and ask her pharmacist whether she thought the morning after pill would be her best course of action. She knew that missing one pill wasn’t supposed to be a problem, but she didn’t want to take any chances.

  “I’d rather not talk about this right now, Jeff,” she said, reaching in the desk drawer for her purse.

  “Too bad.”

  His sharp tone surprised her. He was always so even-tempered, unlike Evan. That was one of the reasons she liked him. “I don’t owe you an explanation,” she said, gripping her purse strap. “We’re both free to see other people, remember?”

  “Your choice, not mine,” he said, crossing his arms and glaring at her.

  “Nevertheless, it is what it is.”

  “Does that mean he’ll be escorting you to the wedding?”

  “I didn’t say that.” The wedding was only a few days away. Seven days in paradise with Evan in full-on pursuit would be h
ell… or heaven, depending on whether she surrendered. No! She couldn’t give in to him again. “Evan and I are not getting back together.”

  Jeff’s features softened and he smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. So you’d still like me to go with you?”

  Erika knew it wasn’t fair to use him as a buffer unless he knew the score. She pointed to the chair across from her. “Sit down for a minute.” She waited for him to comply before she said, “I’d be lying if I said I was completely over Evan. To be honest, I don’t know that I’ll ever be over him entirely. He was a big part of my life for a long time-”

  “But that’s over. You’ve said so yourself plenty of times.”

  “It is, but that doesn’t mean those feelings just go away.” She sighed, wishing she could find the words to express something she didn’t understand. There was no logical reason she should still be in love with Evan, but her heart didn’t seem to care that the man was a thoughtless, self-centered workaholic.

  “I understand that,” he said, reaching across the desk for her hand. “I’m not asking you for a commitment you’re not ready for. I just want you to give us a chance.”

  “We made love last night.” Her eyes fell to their joined hands before he withdrew his. “I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but I thought you had a right to know.”

  His lips pursed as though he’d swallowed something sour. “I see. So what does that mean for us?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, scraping her fingernails over her scalp. “I like you. I think you’re a great guy, but…”

  “You’re thinking about getting back together with him?”

  “No, that’s never going to happen.”

  “Fine,” he said, sighing. “Then why don’t we just pick up where we left off? We can continue spending time together and see where it might lead.”

  She was surprised he was willing to be so magnanimous. “Are you sure you can do that?”