Going For It (Texas Titans #7) Read online

  “How do you see things between us?” he asked, tipping her head up with his finger. “You seemed content to keep things casual up to this point, but when we made love last night…” He shrugged. “I thought that changed things.”

  “It did.” She seemed to be choosing her words carefully as she curled her hands around his biceps. “Last night was incredible, so much more than I expected.” She blushed. “Sorry, it’s not that I didn’t think it would be good. I knew it would. I just didn’t expect that kind of connection. It was amazing.”

  Her confirmation bolstered his confidence in what they’d shared, but he still needed to hear her say that she was committed to trying. He wanted a real relationship with her and hoped they were on the same page. “Does that mean we’re beyond pretending this is a casual thing?”

  “Um, I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

  Kiara was a smart girl. He shouldn’t have to spell it out for her, and the fact that she was forcing him to do so resurrected his uneasiness. “I’m asking if you’re ready for a serious relationship at this stage in your life.”

  “I… think so.” She nodded as though she felt the need to punctuate her point or make it more believable somehow.

  “Okay, I guess the next logical question is whether you’re sure you want me.” Before she could answer, he said, “I’m not delusional, Kiara. I know you could have any man you want.”

  “But I—”

  He raised his hand. “Let me finish. I can’t pretend I saw this coming. If I’d known your story when we met, I don’t know that I would’ve let myself fall so hard, so fast.”

  She frowned, taking a few steps back until her butt hit the edge of the desk. “What does that mean? You regret getting involved with me? Is this because of what Eli said? Because his opinion doesn’t carry any weight with me, I promise you that.”

  “It’s not about him,” Blaise said, shaking his head slowly. “This is about me and how I feel about us.” He hated exposing himself, but it was important that she understand how he felt. “We’re from two different worlds, Ki. Your father’s a respected psychologist, and your mother’s a middle school principal.”

  She folded her arms. “So?” What does that have to do with anything?”

  “Everything.” He hated making it seem as though he wasn’t proud of his own accomplishments. He knew few people got the opportunity to live out their dream, and he had. He was grateful for that, but it didn’t change his standing in life or people’s opinions of him. Most of the time he couldn’t care less what people thought of him, but Kiara’s opinion, and her family’s, was important to him. Because she was important to him. “Everything your ex said about me was true. I was a lousy student. I barely finished high school.”

  “I don’t care about that.” She gestured toward him. “Look at what you’ve done with your life. I’m more impressed by that than the grade you got in algebra a lifetime ago.”

  “You may say that now, but what if things between us get serious?”

  “So? I still don’t see how your education, or lack thereof, matters.”

  He loved her for trying to make him feel better, but his insecurity was deep-seated, and it would take more than her assurances to help him shed them. “You say that now, but how would your parents feel about you dating me?”

  She shrugged while thumbing the diamond stud in her ear as though she needed a distraction. “My parents trust my judgment. I’m old enough and mature enough to make my own decisions.”

  “They groomed you for success.” He gestured toward her well-cut raspberry dress and nude heels. “You’re classy and sophisticated, well-educated, you have a great job and—”

  “I don’t see why any of that would lead you to believe that my parents wouldn’t approve of you. They’re good, decent, honest, hard-working people. They’d understand how hard it was for you to make it, virtually on your own.”

  “There’s a difference between respecting my work ethic and thinking I’m good enough for their little girl.” He wasn’t just worried about her parents’ opinion. He was afraid of falling irrevocably in love only to have her wake up one morning and decide she could do better than a washed-up boxer with a chip on his shoulder.

  “I think you’re making excuses, looking for reasons why this won’t work. If you want out, just say so.” Her dark eyes flared with resentment. “No hard feelings.”

  His jaw dropped. “You can’t be serious. You think I want you to dump me? Trust me, I don’t.”

  “Then why are you assuming I will?” She swallowed, looking emotional. “You think this is easy for me? You think I’m not afraid? I am.”

  He moved closer to rest his hands on her hips. His eyes landed on hers. “Ki, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just couldn’t move forward until we got this out. I don’t wanna get hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you.” But he knew if anyone would be destroyed, it would be him. That was how much he wanted her, how invested he was in her and their relationship.

  “I don’t want that either.” She dropped her head against his chest. “I don’t know where this’ll go. No one does when they start a relationship. It’s always a risk. I guess we just have to decide whether it’s a risk worth taking.”

  Blaise realized she was right. He’d never been one to run from a challenge, and he sure as hell wouldn’t start now. Not with so much at stake. “I’m willing to take a chance if you are.”

  She tipped her head back, her beautiful face glowing with happiness and hope. “I’m definitely willing to take a chance on you.”

  Chapter Five

  After their heavy discussion, they were both careful to avoid the other subject Kiara knew was at the forefront of both of their minds. But by the time the waitress served coffee, she couldn’t stand the tension any longer. “So, Morin came to see me today.”

  “Yeah, how’d that go?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee. “Let me guess, he was on his best behavior to impress you?”

  “Something like that,” she admitted. “But here’s the thing—the decision is kind of out of my hands now. Sabrina wants Mitchell’s to represent Morin, and it really is her call. She’s the boss.”

  Blaise’s face tightened before he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “Maybe if I talked to her, explained to her that this guy could be dangerous. She’s your best friend. I know she wouldn’t put you in harm’s way.”

  “No, I don’t-”

  “He’ll try to mess with your mind, to turn you against me. Like I said, he hates me as much as I hate him. He won’t rest if he thinks I’m happy with someone like you.”

  “Someone like me?”

  “Yeah.” He reached across the table for her hand. “Someone smart, gorgeous, sexy, successful…” He smirked. “I could go on.”

  Kiara was tempted to invite him to do so, but she smiled instead. “That won’t be necessary, but thank you.” Warmth spread through her, and she realized it was because her feelings for him were growing stronger every day.

  “I don’t want anything to come between us, baby. Especially not a low-life like Morin.”

  Kiara couldn’t help but ask, “What happened between you two? I know rivalries are common in boxing, but this seems more personal.”

  “He ended my career,” Blaise said through clenched teeth. “It doesn’t get any more personal than that.”

  She’d been trying to respect his privacy by not asking about his last fight, but she could tell it was still eating him up inside. “What happened? That final concussion, the one that ended your career—how did it happen?”

  He remained quiet before squeezing and releasing her hand. He sat back in his chair. “I don’t know. I was feeling great. I was ready. I’d been training hard, and I felt sure I could take him. So did my manager and trainers. But I started feeling a little off before the fight. I wasn’t sure if I was coming down with something or not, but I’d been diligent about my diet and staying hydrated all day. It was weird—it just came on
so suddenly.”

  “So why did you go ahead with the fight if you weren’t feeling well?”

  He looked at her as though he was trying to gauge whether that had been a serious question. “Sweetheart, this was at Madison Square Gardens. There were more than twenty thousand people there. The atmosphere was electric.” He zoned out as though he was reliving it. “I was making twelve mil for that fight. I’d trained night and day. No way was I going to let all those people down. My trainers, my manager, they were all counting on me to win. I was so sure I had it. My mental game was stronger than it had ever been.”

  Kiara stroked his forearm, hoping to draw him out of his memories and remind him that she was still there. She didn’t like the look of anguish on his face, the disappointment that seemed almost palpable.

  “Morin was a tough competitor. I wasn’t expecting it to be easy.” He covered her hand with his, stilling her as his eyes locked on his hand. “I knew he’d make me work for it. That was what I wanted. I wanted him to give me everything he had. I wanted to give those fans the fight they’d paid to see. I expected to leave blood and sweat on the mat…” He sucked in a sharp breath. “I just never thought, even for a second, that that would be the last fight of my life.”

  “Babe, we don’t have to talk about this anymore,” she said, giving the waitress a subtle shake of her head when she approached to refill their coffee cups.

  Blaise didn’t seem to hear or see anything. “I started feeling dizzy, staggering around the ring like I couldn’t get my bearings. Every punch he landed went right through me. I couldn’t make a comeback. I couldn’t… then he landed that final blow that knocked me out. I don’t think I saw it coming. I don’t even know if I felt it. By then, I was so out of it. I’ve watched the replays of all of my fights, including the other two where I suffered concussions, but that one… it was tough to watch. I looked like I’d already given up, and that’s not me. I don’t give up. No matter how battered and bloody I am, I get up and keep fighting. But that night, I didn’t.” He looked at Kiara. “Why? Why couldn’t I keep fighting?”

  She felt his pain. That fight wasn’t something he’d get over because he carried it with him like a brand. He saw himself as a quitter, a coward, whereas before, he’d always seen himself as a fighter. She glanced at the warrior tattoo on his arm and wondered if he resented it now that he no longer felt that way.

  When he caught her looking at his tattoo, he turned his arm over to hide it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get so carried away. It doesn’t matter now anyways. It’s over, right? I just have to forget about it and move on.”

  “Easier said than done, I’m guessing,” she said gently. She wanted him to know that while she could never understand what he’d been through, she was sympathetic.

  “Yeah, but I’m trying.” He reached for his coffee, breaking eye contact with her. “The gym is helping with that. So is the training.”

  She wanted to lecture him about that again, but it wasn’t the time or place to remind him that that part of his life had to be over, for his own good. “Have you thought about managing? You’d be great at it, and you obviously have the respect of other boxers.”

  He winced. “I don’t know about that. If I were a heavyweight boxer, a contender for the title, I’m not sure I’d want me as a manager. Not after the way I went out.”

  “You’re being too hard on yourself,” she said, feeling frustration seep in. She hated watching him torture himself. “You need to cut yourself some slack.”

  “Hmmm, yeah, I’ll work on that.”

  He was obviously being sarcastic, but as he raised his hand for the bill, she knew nothing she could say would convince him. Hopefully time would ease his bitterness and heal his wounds. If not, perhaps her love and understanding would help him to realize there was more to life than boxing.

  ***

  Blaise was quiet on the way back to Kiara’s office. He hadn’t planned on talking about what had happened during his last fight, but she had a way of making him open up. He felt more comfortable with her than he had with anyone, and he wanted her to know him, inside and out. But that prospect was terrifying, because he had to wonder whether she’d like what she found.

  “Come back to my place,” she said, reaching for his hand. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  She’d invited him back to her place after dinner several times, but he sensed she was inviting him to spend the night, which would be a first. “I’m not sure if I’d be very good company tonight, Ki.” He cursed himself when her face fell. He hadn’t intended to reject her, but he was pretty sure that was how it had felt to her.

  “No problem,” she said, releasing his hand. “Maybe some other time.”

  But he knew if he allowed this rift to grow, he may not get another chance. “You know what, I need to get out of my head for a while. You could help me with that.” When she didn’t respond, he said, “That is, if the offer still stands?”

  “I don’t want to be your escape.” Her cell phone rang. She hit the ignore button when it indicated she had an unknown caller.

  “Hey,” he said, reaching for her hand. “That’s not what you’d be. The truth is”—it was the truth, but he was almost afraid to admit it—“I need you tonight.”

  She shifted to face him. “Really? You mean that?”

  He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. His McClaren P1 gripped the slick pavement like the engineers who’d designed the remarkable car had intended. “Yeah, I mean that.”

  Her hand found his thigh in the darkness. “I need you too.” As her hand drifted higher, she said, “And I want you. So. Much.”

  Before he could respond, her phone rang again. This time it was Dylan, and she answered. “Hey, Dylan. Was that you—”

  Blaise could tell by her expression that something was wrong. Thankfully he was pulling into the parking lot of her office building, where she’d left her car, so he could give her his undivided attention. Once he put the car in park, he reached for her hand.

  “Oh God, okay, yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thanks for calling. I’m sure everything will be fine. Try not to worry.”

  “What’s wrong?” Blaise swallowed to coat his dry throat when he caught a glimpse of the panic on Kiara’s face. “Is it Sabrina?”

  She bit her lip, fighting back tears. “Yeah, they just rushed her to the hospital. Dylan couldn’t give me any details. They’re waiting on test results. Apparently she fainted.”

  “Jesus,” he said, scraping a hand over his face. “Which hospital?”

  “Memorial.” She closed her eyes and tipped back her head. “God, what if something’s wrong with her or the babies?”

  “Relax, try not to worry until you get more information, sweetheart.”

  She reached across the seat to kiss his cheek. “I’ll call you as soon as I know what’s going on.”

  “Like hell you will. I’m taking you.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Sabrina and Dylan are my friends too. Besides, I want to be there for you. You know, in case you need me.”

  “Thank you.” She stroked his cheek, turning his face toward hers to kiss his lips. “Seriously, thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  “It’s not a problem.”

  ***

  By the time they’d made their way to the hospital waiting room, Kiara felt nauseated. She hated hospitals, even more so now that her best friend was behind one of those closed doors, learning the fate of the babies they’d all grown to love. While Sabrina had been apprehensive about becoming a mother at first, after she’d had a chance to get used to the idea, she became as excited as Dylan about welcoming their son and daughter into the world.

  Dylan opened one of the doors and spotted them.

  Kiara and Blaise met him halfway before she asked, “How is she? How are the babies? What happened? Why did she faint?”

  Blaise tightened his grip around her waist. “Relax, baby.
Let him get a word in.”

  “Thanks for coming, guys.” Dylan kissed Kiara’s cheek and shook Blaise’s hand. “I didn’t mean to worry you. Turns out it wasn’t as serious as we’d feared. It was just dehydration.”

  “Oh, thank God.” Kiara let out the breath she’d been holding as she flattened her palm against her chest. “How the hell did she let that happen? She always keeps a water bottle on her desk.”

  “I guess she’s been busy with work the past few days,” Dylan explained. “She hasn’t been drinking as much as she should. She’s missed lunch a few times too.”

  “Are you serious?” Kiara felt anger mixed with guilt. She was usually the one who made a point to check on Sabrina at lunch time and make sure she remembered to eat, but she’d been so caught up with her own work that she’d forgotten. “I can’t believe—”

  “Don’t worry,” Dylan cut in. “I’ve lectured her, and so has the doctor. From now on she’s taking a cooler to work, packed with plenty of bottled water and healthy food, so she won’t forget again.”

  “Good,” Kiara said, shaking her head. “When will they be discharging her?”

  “Her blood pressure was a bit high when she came him, which isn’t surprising, given the fainting. But because she’s at high risk for preeclampsia, he just wants to be sure it’s back to normal before they release her.”

  “Can I see her?”

  “In a few minutes.” Dylan gestured toward a row of plastic chairs in the waiting room. “The doctor’s in with her now. I’ll let you know just as soon as he’s done.”

  “Okay, thanks,” Kiara said, allowing Blaise to lead her to the chairs Dylan had indicated. “Thank God she’s going to be okay. I can’t believe she allowed herself to get dehydrated! I am so going to let her have it when I see her!”

  Blaise chuckled as he sat beside her and reached for her hand. “I wouldn’t worry. After a scare like she just had, I’m willing to bet she won’t let it happen again.”