Fast & Loud Read online

  “That’s what I said.”

  His hand slid lower still, cupping my ass. “You still got that tattoo?”

  It was my one and only. I’d gotten it on our first wedding anniversary. It was my gift to him and he spent all night showing me how much he loved it. From behind.

  “Of course. How about you?”

  He glanced down at his chest. “Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

  He was wearing a button-down shirt so it wouldn’t be hard. Ah, what the hell? It’s not like I wasn’t dying to undress him again. I slowly freed the buttons while he watched me, tightening his arms around me. I undid more buttons than I needed to, spreading his shirt wide before peeling it off as he gave me his back.

  “Looks as good as the day you got it,” I said, admiring the sight of my face staring back at me. There was something about this tattoo that turned me on every time I saw it. The fact that some guy was crazy enough to tattoo my face on his body. It wasn’t insanely hot.

  “It does, doesn’t it?” he said, turning back to face me. “But I think you’re even more gorgeous now than you were then.”

  I loved that he thought so, but I felt compelled to remind him we weren’t as young as we used to be. “You’re sweet. But there are a few fine lines that weren’t there before. Maybe even a gray hair or two.” Though I wasn’t above covering them, if need be. I accepted the fact that time had passed, but I didn’t want to look or feel older. I still wanted him to look at me and remember the sexy young thing he’d married on a whim.

  “You’ve only gotten sexier with time,” he said, his voice gruff as he dipped his head to kiss my neck.

  That was certainly true in his case and it was obvious by the bulge in his pants that I still turned him on. But were we crazy to even think about acting on this physical attraction after our disastrous first go-round?

  “What are we doing here?” I whispered, gripping his bulging biceps while tipping my head back to invite his hot wet kisses.

  “Getting reacquainted,” he murmured against my skin. “With your body. Not that I haven’t fantasized about it plenty. But there’s nothing like the real thing.”

  I felt my body growing warmer when he slipped his big hands under my dress to cup my ass. I was wearing a thong to avoid panty lines, so he had easy access, which made him growl with satisfaction.

  “You’ve fantasized about me?” I whispered, moaning when his fingers danced across the cleft of my ass. Yeah, he’d taken me there. He’d taken me everywhere. And made me love every second of it.

  “Oh yeah.” He licked the shell of my ear as his thick finger trailed up my wet slit. “Can’t tell you how many times I got off thinking about you.”

  Fuck that was hot. Maybe he’d gotten off thinking about me while I’d been thinking about him. Because even though I’d been hurt and angry when I left him he was still my favorite dirty fantasy.

  “What was I doing to you in this fantasy?” Thankfully the windows were covered with brown paper, otherwise we’d be putting on quite a show for people passing by.

  “Sucking me off. Letting me go down on you. Maybe both.” He kissed me deep and slow, drugging me with his mouth. “I was taking you from behind, coming all over that tattoo on your perfect ass. Marking you as mine. Again.”

  I was soaking wet and everything he said only made me hotter. “What else?” I could come just listening to the sound of his deep voice whispering all his dirty fantasies to me. But his fingers were helping me along, spreading, flicking, thrusting hard and deep.

  I was riding his hand shamelessly now, taking everything he offered.

  “Filling you with my come.”

  That had always been his thing. He loved going bareback, since I was on the pill and we’d agreed we weren’t ready for kids.

  “Blowing inside you…” His tongue skated down my neck, making me break out in thrill bumps. “Hot and so fucking deep.”

  “Show me.” I cried out with my release, but the invitation wasn’t a pre-orgasmic slip of the tongue. I wanted this man inside me again. Possessing me. Just like he described.

  “You sure, baby?” he asked, curling his hand around my face. “’Cause this feels so good, being with you like this again. And I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

  I loved that he cared enough to make sure I was ready, but this wasn’t about well thought out plans and careful execution. This was about taking what we needed in this moment and not giving a shit about the consequences. That was usually Dex’s deal. I was the plotter. The planner. But the only thing I was planning on tonight was multiple orgasms, courtesy of his very talented hands. And mouth. And...

  I grabbed his package, making him smile. “You gonna stand there asking questions all night or are you gonna take me upstairs and fuck me like I haven’t been fucked in three long years?”

  He groaned as he grabbed my hand and hauled me through the large empty space and up the back stairs.

  I still had boxes stacked against the walls, but the apartment was large enough to accommodate them without feeling cramped as we made our way down the hall to the bedroom. I was walking backwards, leading him with my hands in his and a wicked gleam in my eye. I was teasing and taunting him, licking my lips, glancing at the bulge in his jeans. By the time he finally took me I wanted him to be as wild as he’d always been, ready to tear my clothes off and sink into me.

  He shifted our positions so he was the one leading me to the bed. I fell onto the mattress with a satisfying hiss as I inched back, resting my head on the pillows. I crooked my finger, beckoning him. But instead of obeying, he merely smirked as he grabbed my legs and pulled me to the edge.

  I was wearing a short dress with nothing under it but a thong, which made it easy for him to hit pay dirt as he spread my legs wide and tore my panties off with one quick tug.

  Hmmm. I liked where he was going with this. Especially when he slipped his shirt off and got comfortable. Between my legs.

  I watched him as he settled in, stroking my thighs as he dropped tender kisses all over my mound before blowing on my clit. I was already arching my back, begging for more and I hadn’t even felt his tongue on me yet. But my body remembered. In vivid detail.

  I thrust my hands into his hair, trying to guide his head, but he seemed satisfied to take his sweet time, drawing out the exquisite pleasure of anticipation before he finally dove in.

  Yes. Yes. Yes. This is what I’d been missing, I thought, rocking into his mouth. This is what my body’s been craving. This is the reason I’d been willing to sit at home with a plastic toy instead of settling for less than stellar sex with anyone else. Because this man ruined me for all others.

  He taught me what my body was capable of. He made sure I didn’t just enjoy sex, but craved it. Dex didn’t just pleasure me. He explored me, learning every single thing that turned me on so he could do it again and again, night after night, until I believed it was normal to live in a constant state of sensory bliss.

  Only when the stimulation was gone did my life go dark, like someone or something had short-circuited the pleasure centers in my brain. Chocolate didn’t taste as sweet. Flowers didn’t smell as good. Men just didn’t turn me on anymore… because they weren’t Dex.

  “Oh God…” This. Was. It. The thing I’d been missing. Not just the sex, but the sensual connection with another human being who knew my body so intimately, who could pleasure me so easily. Who could arouse me with just a touch or a glance and make me forget everything but him for awhile. This. Was. Living.

  My climax was fast and furious, but Dex drew it out as I throbbed against his mouth, gently licking me, like he couldn’t get enough and didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want him to stop either. But I was so sensitive, riding the wave of two orgasms in the last twenty minutes… at the hands of a masterful guide who seemed intent on teaching me a thing or two about surrendering to pleasure. And him.

  “Hmmm,” he said, tracing my body with his mouth as he drew my dress up and over my head bef
ore tossing it aside along with my bra.

  “Too many clothes,” I rasped, rubbing my sensitive nipples against his hard chest.

  “We can fix that.”

  He stood over me, his eyes taunting me as he took his belt off and snapped it between his hands. He used to love tying me up, spread eagle on the bed so he could do whatever he wanted with my body. My juices flowed just thinking about it, wondering if he would try it tonight.

  Once he was stripped down, he crawled over me, making me whimper when he braced my hands over my head with one of his so I couldn’t touch him.

  His kiss was so sensual, so erotic, my legs fell open instinctively, inviting him, almost drawing him inside. I shifted my hips, welcoming him. Silently begging him to take me.

  “Please,” I whispered, dragging my lips along his jaw. “I need you, Dex.”

  “I have to get a condom.”

  “Do you?” Dex was the only man I’d ever been with without a condom. With him it had always seemed unnecessary and I knew that spoke to the depth of the trust we’d once had in each other. But that was a different time. We were married. We believed we were going to spend our lives together.

  “I’ve always…” He dropped his head, looking as though he’d rather not express what he was thinking. “I mean, I haven’t been with anyone else without… protection.”

  “Me neither.” But my list of lovers since him had been short while I suspected his was impossibly long. He’d always been insatiable, a man who loved sex, and I knew he probably hadn’t gone long without it after the divorce.

  He looked into my eyes. “I wish…” He shook his head as regret flashed in his eyes. “I could say there’s been no one else.”

  “Me too.” But three years was a long time and life hadn’t stood still for either one of us. I got that.

  His eyes flashed and I recognized that familiar jealousy in the hard set of his jaw. The irrational possessiveness that had inevitably torn us apart. But instead of voicing his thoughts, he shut them down, surprising me with a brief smile.

  “You need to tell me what to do here, baby.” He framed my face with his hands, kissing me. “You need me to get the condom, just say the word.”

  It took me half a second to decide. I still trusted this man. With my life. Even though he’d hurt me before, with his words, I’d done the same to him. That somehow levelled the playing field.

  I curled my hands around his back. “I just need you… now.”

  He closed his eyes before easing into me slowly, giving me ample time to adjust while he stretched me. Dex was… huge. In every way. The first time he’d taken me I could have sworn he’d split me in two. But that fear quickly turned into the most satisfying sense of fullness I’d ever experienced.

  “God, I’ve missed this,” I said, burying my head in the crook of his neck while he stilled, giving my body the chance to get used to his all over again.

  “Me too.” He licked my neck before sucking the sensitive skin into his mouth.

  Oh God. I loved the way he kissed my neck. I arched my back, thrusting my tits up as I rotated my hips to let him know how ready I was for him.

  He got the message loud and clear because he started swirling his tongue around my nipples as he drew out slowly before thrusting back in. One quick motion that set my whole body buzzing as I pulled my legs back and drew him deeper.

  Dex was braced over me, his weight on his hands as he looked down at me. He was so gorgeous with a wild and primal look in his blue eyes. The dark stubble dusting his tanned skin was a sharp contrast, reminding me this man was multifaceted and difficult to figure out. Sweet and gentle, yet strong and hard. Loyal and trustworthy, yet jealous and possessive.

  My hands skated down his ribs, over the ridges in his abs. He’d always worked out like a beast and that clearly hadn’t changed. He’d teased that he had to keep in shape for me. I wondered who he’d been keeping in shape for these days. The blonde he’d cut loose at the party, maybe?

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, stilling.

  I was caught off guard. Dex wasn’t big on talking about feelings. Especially in bed, where the only thing he’d wanted to talk to me about was how hard he was going to fuck me.

  “Just, um…” I didn’t want to tell him, but he was holding my body and pleasure hostage, refusing to give me what I wanted until I gave him what he seemed to need. “I was wondering about that girl back at the house. Are you and she… I mean… did you just have a lover’s quarrel tonight? Will you make up tomorrow?”

  I hated how I sounded. Jealous and insecure. Mainly because I knew he’d been doing this with her just last night. And maybe tomorrow night. And every night from then on. Maybe I was just a diversion, an itch he needed to scratch so he could close the book on us for good.

  He gave me a sexy half smile as he shook his head and lowered his body so he was covering me completely, his weight braced on his forearms. “She just said what she did to send you a message, baby.”

  “You mean you weren’t with her last night? You didn’t…” I looked away. “Go down on her?”

  His kiss said it all as he completely consumed me, making me forget everything I thought mattered a few seconds ago. “That was something I could never bring myself to do with anyone else. The way you tasted, the way you smelled, how turned on you’d get when I licked you…” I shivered when he drew my earlobe into his mouth. “I knew if I ever did that to someone else I’d just get slammed with memories of you. I didn’t want to put myself through that.”

  I was stunned that he’d never shared that act of intimacy with anyone else. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, but to know that was something he’d reserved for the two of us made me wonder if he’d been as broken when our marriage ended as I was.

  I gripped his ass, silently coaxing him to pick up the pace, but my eyes were locked on his now, trying to get a read on his emotions. What else hadn’t he shared with anyone else? Had he put his heart on lockdown too? Was I the last woman he’d claimed to love? My greedy little inner bitch hoped so. His love was something I’d never wanted to share. Except with his family and friends.

  He threaded his hands through mine, pressing them into the mattress alongside my head as he picked up his pace. He didn’t try to look away and the connection we’d made with our eyes was almost as intense as the joining of our bodies. It was healing somehow, a way to acknowledge what happened three years ago and let it go.

  I finally closed my eyes when the physical sensations racing through me became too much to bear. He was leaning forward, the friction on my clit pushing me closer to the edge. “I’m so close.”

  “I know you are.” He smirked when I opened my eyes. “I always could read the signs.”

  This was more than sex with a comfortable stranger. It was a surreal experience with a devoted lover who’d once owned my body like it was his own. My release continued to rise as he seemed content to go for the slow burn, drawing it out as long as possible until I finally surrendered, panting and whispering his name.

  He released my hands and lowered his body, cradling me in his strong arms while he brushed his lips across my cheek.

  I was so overwhelmed by emotions I couldn’t speak. My body was buzzing but my heart felt so… full. Like my body, heart and mind had finally reconciled after years of drifting through life disconnected.

  “You okay?” he asked, when I realized I was still trembling in his arms.

  “Just intense,” I whispered.

  He drew back to look me in the eye. “For me too, Cora. You need to know you’re not alone in that.”

  I smiled, stroking his face. He’d always known exactly what to say to make me feel better. He’d often been able to erase my fears with a few chosen words, I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.

  But he did. He left me. Or I left him. He probably perceived it one way while I saw it another. But none of that mattered now. The only thing that counted was that in a brief span of time he�
��d managed to piece me back together again, something I hadn’t managed in three years on my own.

  “Make love to me,” I whispered. I could tell I’d surprised him with my choice of words, but that’s what I was feeling from him in the moment: loved, cherished, protected.

  “My pleasure, gorgeous.”

  His movements were slow and deliberate. So sensual, like he had all the time in the world to get there. Or he never wanted it to end.

  I watched him as I absorbed every delicious stroke. His shaft disappearing inside me, making me feel full and satisfied, like I hadn’t been in forever.

  His whole body tensed as he closed his eyes. “Ah, I don’t want to come yet.”

  I ran my hand over his chest, but outlining his cut abs was all it took to bring me back to the brink. I tightened, milking him as I gripped his biceps. “Come with me,” I whispered, locking eyes with him again.

  With a guttural grunt, he let go, spilling inside of me while I pulsed around him and screamed, letting him know how incredible he’d made me feel.

  He didn’t move for the longest time. He just stared at me before brushing the hair off my damp forehead and grazing my lips with his. When he finally did roll off and pulled me into his arms, I settled in with a contented little sigh and my head on his chest.

  It felt so good, just being with him again, and I was starting to wonder… Am I setting myself up for another fall?

  Chapter Four

  Cora

  He sifted through my long hair with his hand. “Tell me about your life in Paris. Was it everything you thought it would be?”

  I’d asked him to go with me, but he claimed he’d never survive in a place like that. In retrospect I realized he was probably right. Besides, I’d come into my own as a chef and done a lot of soul-searching, making some important decisions about my life, something I may not have been able to do while splitting my focus with my marriage.

  “It was everything I needed.” His hand stilled and I immediately felt the need to explain. “I learned so much, professionally. I got to live independently, in a different world, with people who weren’t like me, who hadn’t grown up the way I did and I had to learn everything about their culture, including the language.”