Fast & Loud Read online

  Bryan and Dex shared a look before Bryan clapped his hands together and said, “Right. Well, I should be getting out of here. I have another appointment across town in twenty minutes.”

  Before he could leave Dex tossed me the key ring he’d taken last night. “Before I forget to give you these.”

  I was pretty sure he wouldn’t have forgotten later. He just wanted to make sure Bryan got the message loud and clear. “Thanks,” I muttered, walking Bryan to the door. “Thanks for coming, Bryan,” I said, offering my hand with an apologetic smile for the awkwardness. “I’ll hear from you soon with a quote?”

  “Yeah, I should be able to email you something by tomorrow afternoon at the latest.”

  “Sounds good. Thanks again.”

  Bryan raised his hand. “Later, Dex.”

  “Yeah, later.”

  I locked the door and turned back to my ex, frowning. “What was that about?”

  He raised a broad shoulder while skimming his cell phone. “What?”

  “That thing with Bryan.” I stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at me. “Why were you being like that?”

  He grunted. “Might’ve had something to do with the fact that the fucker admitted to asking you out.”

  I sighed. “Look, Dex. I had an amazing time last night. And I want us to be… friends.” When he scowled, I added, “Maybe more. I don’t know. But I can’t have you scaring off every man who looks at me.”

  “Why the fuck not? Why would you want other dudes looking at you if you’re sleeping with me?”

  This was an old argument, one I’d grown tired of when we were together. “It’s not a question of wanting other guys to look at me. I just don’t want to feel like a piece of property.” Dex had always claimed I was his, and while I will admit that made me hot in bed, it made me a little uncomfortable when he sought to enforce it out of bed.

  “We can’t go back to the way things were. It didn’t work then and it won’t work now.”

  He was still scowling when he folded his arms and asked, “Okay, what do you suggest? And don’t tell me to forget last night ever happened, ‘cause that’s not gonna work for me.”

  “You think I could forget?” I asked, lowering my voice as I stepped closer, curling my hand around his forearm. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to, but come on, you can’t come in here acting like you own me. I’m not your wife anymore. I’m not even your girlfriend.”

  “Then what the hell are you? And don’t even think about suggesting you’re my friend, ‘cause we both know it goes way beyond that.”

  “I have no idea what we are.” I sighed, taking a step back. “Twenty-four hours ago we weren’t even speaking to each other. Now we’re… reconnecting. But I don’t know where this will lead and neither do you.”

  I wanted him to understand, to see things the way I did, but I didn’t even know if that was possible. We’d divorced because we couldn’t see eye-to-eye. Maybe I was naïve to think we could now.

  He stepped away from me and started pacing the wide open space. The only sound in the room was the heavy fall of his footsteps on the worn linoleum. “Okay, maybe I came on too strong,” he said, finally. “But when I see some guy hitting on you all the old instincts come back.”

  Dex had once told me he’d never been like this with other women, only me, and I didn’t know why. I’d never cheated on him. Hell, I’d barely looked at another man the entire time we were together.

  “We need to take this slow,” I said, trying to gauge his reaction. “One day at a time. I want to spend more time with you.” I smiled. “In and out of bed. I want to get to know you again, but I don’t want to waste time fighting over things that don’t matter.” Before he could interject, I added, “And for the record, I had no intention of going out with Bryan.”

  “And the dentist?” he demanded, still looking irritated. “Does he know it’s over?”

  “He will when he calls to ask me out again.” At his questioning look, I said, “I didn’t think it was appropriate to tell him in the middle of a friend’s party.”

  “Why? I told Amber. I didn’t give a shit where we were.”

  I knew where this was leading. He was asking for exclusivity and that was a dangerous deal with a man like Dex, who believed that meant other men weren’t even allowed to look at me.

  “Your jealousy was part of the reason we broke up,” I reminded him. “I couldn’t deal with it then and I can’t deal with it now.”

  He blew out a long slow breath, obviously trying to rein in his temper. “Look, I don’t wanna screw this up. Fuck, that’s the last thing I wanna do. But you and I have a lot of history, and I can’t just forget everything that happened.”

  “Everything that happened?” I repeated, needing him to explain what he was still hung up on.

  “The fact that you left me when things got tough.”

  Wow, we really did remember things differently. “I tried everything to make our marriage work. I begged you to see a counselor with me, but—”

  “I wasn’t going to pour my heart out to some goddamn stranger.”

  “That job offer in Paris came out of nowhere. I didn’t expect it. It’s not like I went looking for it. One of my old teachers got a job there and thought of me.”

  “You don’t have to remind me how it went down,” he said, clenching his fists at his sides. “It was like that guy’s opinion mattered to you more than mine did.”

  “That’s not fair.” I didn’t want to argue about the past, but I knew we couldn’t move on until we both felt satisfied we’d aired our grievances. “I wanted you to come with me. I thought we could both start over there.”

  “You weren’t fooling anyone,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You were trying to get me away from the club, and you thought moving halfway across the world was the best way to do it.”

  I wasn’t trying to manipulate him or the situation, but I wasn’t surprised he saw it that way. “But you left the club anyway!” I threw my hands up. “So, isn’t it a moot point?”

  He swore softly when his phone rang. “My office manager. Sorry, I have to take this.”

  I watched him walk outside, wondering why he needed privacy to talk to his office manager. Was it a woman? Someone he had a personal relationship with maybe? Now who’s the jealous one? Ugh! I was no better than he was.

  He stepped back inside and pocketed his phone. “I have to head out. There’s an emergency on one of my sites. One of my guys cut his hand.”

  “I hope it’s not serious.” I could feel the tension between us and I hated it, especially given how close we’d been when he left last night.

  “I don’t think so.” He cleared his throat. “So, uh, about that dinner—”

  “We don’t have to go.” I was trying to spare myself the humiliation of rejection if he decided pursuing something with me wasn’t worth the aggravation.

  He crossed the space separating us in three long strides, his steel toed boots connecting with my sandals. “You really think I’m stupid enough to quit on you again just because we can’t agree about the reasons our marriage ended?”

  I shrugged. “You know what they say. If you can’t acknowledge past mistakes you’re doomed to repeat them.” I felt sad and confused and it must have shown on my face because he wrapped his arms around me and looked into my eyes.

  “I made mistakes. I’m not trying to deny that.”

  “I did too.” We both made a mess of things, but I wasn’t sure we wouldn’t do the same again if we tried to rewrite history. That’s what scared me the most. I’d loved this man so much once. Trying to build a life without him was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but I managed because I didn’t have to run into him every day. The wounds had a chance to heal. But now we lived in the same community and shared some of the same friends again. It would be impossible to avoid the fall out if this blew up in our faces.

  “Have dinner with me tonight.” He curled his hand around my neck, making it difficu
lt for me to avoid his gaze. “We’ll talk. Yell, if we have to. But we’ll figure it out.”

  He made it sound so easy, but we hadn’t been able to work it out then, what made him so certain we could now? I finally nodded, knowing I couldn’t just walk away. Not after last night.

  He leaned in to kiss me. It wasn’t passionate or urgent. There was no fear or uncertainty. He kissed me like we had all the time in the world. “I brought lunch,” he said, gesturing to the paper bag he’d left on the table. “Sorry I can’t stay to share it with you.”

  “I am too.”

  “I’ll drop by tomorrow to look at the plans, okay? We’ll figure out a time tonight.” He grabbed my hands and started walking backwards toward the door, taking me with him. “I really don’t want to leave.”

  I smiled. “I don’t want you to either.” That was so typical of my relationship with Dex. We’d be mad one minute and contemplating sex the next.

  “What I really want to do is take you upstairs and pick up where we left off last night.”

  My breath hitched when I remembered where he’d left off… between my legs. “I’d, uh, like that too,” I said, biting my lip.

  “You could stay at my place tonight,” he suggested, looking hopeful.

  “Isn’t it too soon for an overnight date?”

  He laughed. “Baby, we’ve been married. I don’t think this really qualifies as a first date, does it?”

  He had a point. And I really wanted to spend the night wrapped in his arms. “Okay. But why don’t I drive to your place. That way you won’t have to worry about dropping me here in the morning. I’m guessing you like to get an early start?”

  “Sounds good. That way you can sleep late if you want to.” He passed over his cell phone. “I assume your number’s changed?”

  “Yeah.” I shook my head with a wry smile when I punched in his password and it still worked. “Our wedding anniversary is still your password. Why?”

  “Why not?” he asked, looking a little embarrassed. “It’s not like I’ll ever forget it.”

  My eyes lingered on his longer than they should have, given the fact he was supposed to be in a hurry, but I couldn’t help myself. There was so much he wanted to say, I could tell. So much I wanted to say, yet this wasn’t the time or place. Maybe tonight.

  I punched in my digits and handed the phone back to him.

  “I’ll text you my address in a bit.”

  “Okay.” I grabbed the front of his shirt and planted one more kiss on his lips. “I hope your guy’s alright.”

  “I’m sure he will be.”

  “Oh hey, you almost forgot your lunch.” I scrambled to retrieve the paper bag, but he waved me off.

  “This crew usually grabs pizza. I’ll grab a slice with them. I really do have to go.”

  But I didn’t want him to. “Okay.”

  “Cora?”

  “Yeah?”

  He smiled. “I’m really glad you’re back, baby.”

  “I am too.” And he was a big part of the reason.

  Chapter Six

  Dex

  I tipped back a beer as I waited for Cora, thinking about our argument that day, if it could be considered an argument. We were used to the bitter fights that ended with tears, slamming doors, squealing tires and broken drywall. But this wasn’t like that. It was civil.

  Sure, we’d deferred the rest of the ‘discussion’ until tonight, but I was confident it wouldn’t escalate. Mainly because I was determined to prove to her that I’d grown up. I wasn’t the same hothead she’d left behind, even if I still had that fucking jealous streak a country mile wide where she was concerned.

  The doorbell rang and I took a deep breath before slamming my longneck down on the oak coffee table. It took about three seconds for my heart to start battering my chest when I saw her. Damn. She looked gorgeous. Her black hair fell in soft waves around her shoulders, her makeup accentuated her light blue eyes, and her pouty pink lips were begging to be kissed. But it was the outfit that did me in. Sexy without being over-the-top, just like the lady herself, it was effortless.

  She looked down at the fitted black sleeveless jumpsuit she’d paired with high heels. “Um, I hope this is okay? I wasn’t sure where we’d be going.”

  It wasn’t until she spoke I realized I’d been staring and probably making her uncomfortable. “Sorry,” I said, pulling her into my arms. “I was just thinking about how hot you look.”

  She laughed as she wound her arms around my neck, pressing her belly against my erection. “You sure you want to go out? I’m sure I could whip up something here. Dinner in bed, maybe?”

  I’d love nothing more, but if I took her up on her offer we wouldn’t be able to continue our discussion. “No way, I want to take you out and show you off.” I wanted everyone to know we were a couple again, or on the verge of being. It’s not that we lived in a tiny town where everyone knew everyone else, but it wasn’t an impersonal city either. Word got around.

  “Is that so?” she asked, looking amused, as though she could read my mind.

  “I’m almost afraid to kiss you,” I said, letting my lips hover over hers.

  “Lip stain,” she whispered. “Won’t come off so easily.”

  I growled, cupping her ass as I nibbled at her full lips. I was getting painfully hard and knew if we didn’t get out the door in the next ten seconds we wouldn’t be going anywhere. “Let’s go, beautiful.”

  “Not so fast,” she said, tugging on my hand when I tried to usher her out the door. “I want a tour.” She glanced at the large gold watch on her wrist. “We have time, don’t we?”

  Cora in my bedroom. Yeah, this dinner was not gonna happen. “Sure, let me show you around.”

  I was pretty proud of the place, especially since it had been a dump when I bought it. It was a period home with most of the original doors, trim, and fixtures. I’d even managed to strip and refinish the hardwood floors and banister to preserve as much of the home’s original character as I could. My effort was apparently worth it, judging by the way my ex was oohing and aahing as we moved through the open space.

  “I had to knock out a few walls,” I explained, holding her hand as I led her from the living / kitchen area into the home office. “But I think it was worth it. It opened it up a lot.”

  She looked up at me. “Since when do you like old homes, Dex? That was always my thing.”

  It was true she’d been bugging me about buying a century home for the longest time, but I didn’t want to invest a lot of time and money to fix someone else’s problems. “I guess I started to see what you see in these places,” I said, leading her into the formal dining room across from the office. “Charm. Character.” I chuckled when I caught her staring. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “I really like what I see. I don’t just mean the house.”

  I loved being able to show her my new life. The changes extended beyond my business. When we’d been together I’d been secretly afraid of failing if I left my club to pursue a legit business venture. I didn’t want her to witness that. When she left, I just went for it, ‘cause I didn’t give a shit about anyone else’s opinion of me. I won’t say Cora leaving me was a good thing, but it did free me up to make better choices.

  “Thanks.”

  We walked down a narrow hallway to a mud room that consisted of a washer/dryer and built-in cabinets before backtracking to give her a peek at the powder room.

  I led her up the back staircase, not trusting myself if I had to admire her ass the entire way. If I wanted this relationship to be about more than sex I had to make the effort to take her out on actual dates outside of my bedroom. A shame, since I knew we could have way more fun here than we could at a restaurant.

  “There are three bedrooms and two baths up here,” I said, leading her through the two bedrooms that shared a bathroom. “And here’s the master.” I opened the double doors and watched her gasp when she saw the bed. It was ours. We’d bought it on a wh
im a few weeks after we got married. It was hand-carved and crazy-expensive, but I talked her into it, convincing her it would get more use than any other piece of furniture we owned. And it had.

  “I didn’t know…” Her eyed flicked to mine. “Um, I didn’t see any of our old furniture downstairs. I just assumed you’d gotten rid of it all.”

  Since she was moving so far away she hadn’t wanted anything from our old apartment, but this was the one thing I couldn’t stand to part with. “This was the only thing I kept.”

  “Honestly,” she said, staring at the large four poster bed covered with a chocolate suede duvet. “I’m not sure how I feel about that, knowing you’ve shared our bed with other women.”

  “I haven’t.” I knew it was telling, but I didn’t care. “Um, I haven’t brought any women here. I’ve only lived here a couple of years and the first year it was under construction.”

  “But it’s been finished for a year,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “And I know you’ve been seeing people. I met Amber, remember?”

  “Seeing people,” I repeated. “Nothing serious.”

  “So, you would see them at their place?” she teased, slipping her arms around my waist.

  “Something like that,” I muttered, hating this conversation. I didn’t want her to think about the other women I’d been with and I sure as hell didn’t want to think about the other men she’d been with.

  “Good.” She hooked her thumbs through the belt loops of my black jeans. “I like that you haven’t shared our bed with anyone else.”

  My lips twitched as I tried to keep a straight face. “Whose jealous now, babe?”

  She smacked my ass. “You wouldn’t like it if I’d slept with other men in our bed.”

  I glared at her before smacking her ass. Hard. “Don’t say shit like that. Ever.” In so many ways I’d changed, but in one way I’d stayed the same. My feelings for her still made me say and do crazy things.